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Parenting

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Original poster

Is it right im not aalowed to see my Daughter

81 replies

mike6491 · 13/03/2012 18:19

Hey all I am just trying to get a wider prospective of views. I have a 3 yeard old daughter who lives with her mum only a few miles away, but despite me asking I'm never allowed to see her and when on the very few occasions I have been allowed last time being sept 2009 there are a lot of conditions. I have parental responsibility and there is no court order preventing me from seeing my daughter, I don't want to bad mouth her mum but just want to hear some views from other parents.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NatashaBee · 13/03/2012 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mike6491 · 13/03/2012 18:22

Sorry - septemeber 2010, not 2009

OP posts:

Portofino · 13/03/2012 18:22

Your daughter has the right to a relationship with both parents unless there are valid reasons why not. I would make an appointment with a solicitior. Presumably you are paying maintenance for your dd?

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NickNacks · 13/03/2012 18:23

Of course you are allowed to see her.

I am however surprised and concerned you have left it this long, I would be in court the very next day if someone prevented me seeing my child and not wait 2.5 yrs!!!!

NickNacks · 13/03/2012 18:24

Ok xposts but still 18 months? Why have you not pursued this sooner?

FluffyBunnyWunnyMummyKins · 13/03/2012 18:25

Why on earth aren't you allowed to see her?

What were the reasons given? Is there any history of anything untoward? Have you contacted a solicitor? Your ex has no right to deny you access, what have you been doing for all this time, I would be beside myself if I was you!

Mouseface · 13/03/2012 18:28

I think you need to give more info here Mike, don't you?

We can't help or advise you unless we know more.

Why aren't you seeing her more often if you have parental responsibility and no court order banning you?

SoupDragon · 13/03/2012 18:28

I would suggest you get proper legal advice.

Given we have no idea what you may or may not have done to get in this situation.

KalSkirata · 13/03/2012 18:43

more info needed. What is stopping you seeing her?

IAmBooyhoo · 13/03/2012 18:46

yes you need a solicitor.

why does her mother stop you seeing her? what reasons does she give?

FirstLastEverything · 13/03/2012 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jaquelinehyde · 13/03/2012 18:51

Go and see a solicitor and go to court to get proper access, you should have done this a long time ago.

sunshineoutdoors · 13/03/2012 19:01

Agree there's not enough information in your post. I can't give you an opinion on whether you should be allowed to see your child as I don't know about the circumstances of your relationship with the mother or the child. I hope things are worked out in the best interests of your child though. Seeing a solicitor would probably help you to know where you stand.

Original poster

mike6491 · 13/03/2012 20:52

The only reason I am not allowed to see her is that her mum is jealous that I am now married and settled with a son. I pay maintenance every month, to the point we cant even afford our rent. Everytime I go to a solicitor we have to go through mediation, and she refuses to book appointments, or doesn't show up, then when I push for court she lets me see her - this was 18months ago. In this time I have contacted my ex regularly to ask for contact, but been ignored. I have seen a solicitor, but my ex just drags it out as much as possible. She says I can have contact with her anytime, but only at her house, with only my daughter and my ex there, however she has previously spread viscous rumours that I have cheated on my wife with her etc etc etc, therefore I am unwilling to put myself in a situation that she can make accusations. I am just getting my solicitors case started again, however need some advice to speed things up

OP posts:

alessthandomesticgoddess · 13/03/2012 20:58

If there's no court order you're allowed to see her. Get a solicitor, claim legal aid if you're eligable and take her to court. She's in the wrong if you have no reason not to see her (abuse etc).

swallowedAfly · 13/03/2012 22:27

i would have thought seeing your dd would be your priority at this stage, not worrying if she'll gossip about you. i wouldn't not see my son for a year and a half for fear of gossip. that's messed up.

either go see her on your ex's terms or go to the solicitor and see it through to court this time to get something properly arranged.

why does she not trust you to have unsupervised contact? has she told you it's because she's 'jealous' (and are you 16) or is that your opinion?

swallowedAfly · 13/03/2012 22:30

actually yes - i really am shocked that for a year and a half you could have seen your daughter if you went to the house but you chose to not see her for that LONG (she won't even remember you) rather than do it in her mother's house?

and at that time your dd would've been 18months old. had you had regular access prior to then or was this the first time you were asking to take your dd - wondering if the mother had reason to be anxious about the baby being taken away from her mother by someone she didn't know well or whether you'd had established regular contact away from mum prior to that time?

FluffyBunnyWunnyMummyKins · 13/03/2012 22:32

What a mess! It's a real shame but don't be disheartened and keep pushing for contact, you'll get there in the end even if she is being obstructive.

swallowedAfly · 13/03/2012 22:34

from her perspective she hasn't prevented you from seeing your dd and having regular contact she merely said (at the point her dd was 18months old) that she wanted it in dd's home with her mother around. that's not unreasonable really if there hadn't been regular contact with you previously - it's a starting point you could have built up from but you refused to do that.

in the eyes of the law i don't think she's done anything wrong - she has provided contact that you have refused to take her up on but which was quite reasonable for a baby who you hadn't been a regular part of the life of.

when did you split up with your dd's mother, when did you get married and how old is your second child? and what contact have you had with your dd since she was born/mother and you split up?

that would make the picture a lot clearer.

swallowedAfly · 13/03/2012 22:35

btw given you haven't seen this 3yo child for a year and a half and are therefore a stranger to her now sadly do you not think that seeing her in her home with her mother around might actually be the best thing to do for now for your daughter? i would imagine being handed over to effectively a stranger and taken away from your home would be scary and very stress inducing for a toddler.

Heswall · 13/03/2012 22:36

If you have parental responsibility what is to stop you going to the house, picking the child up and just taking her for the day, how do you think the ex could stop you ?

Heswall · 13/03/2012 22:36

Obviously it's a bit late for that after 18 months though.

swallowedAfly · 13/03/2012 22:40

concern for the child's mental state would be a good reason heswall - can you imagine how distressed your dc would have been if a man they didn't recognise from adam walked in the house and took them away from their mother? please don't do that OP it would terrify both child and mother.

i would really encourage you to go and see them and spend time with your dd in her house. build a relationship with your dd and try and build some trust between you and your ex. communicate, take it slowly and gradually take her out for a walk to the playground on your own for an hour, build up to a saturday morning etc you know? it doesn't have to be a battle of i'm doing not doing it her way, she's not telling me what to do. the goal isn't to win a battle but to build a relationship with your dd.

seeker · 14/03/2012 06:04

Sounds likenyou have chosen not to see her because you don't like the circumstances her mother wants the meetings to take place in. It does sound a bit odd that your fear of being gossiped about outweighs your desire to see your child.....

differentnameforthis · 14/03/2012 06:31

Wow...the op hasn't seen his daughter because his ex is manipulating the situation & most of you are having a go at HIM about that!

I don't blame him for not wanting to be in the position where his ex's lies could jeopardise his relationship with his wife & baby son!

Just because she is a woman, doesn't make her innocent. Or is it OK that her lies could destroy his family & leave another child without a full time father?

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