Anyone seen todays Times about Gina Ford's new book?!!!!!

[louby78]

OMFG is all I can say. Anyone who doesn't like her will now see their hatred excel to a new level.

Apparently new mums should go on a date night with their husbands 4-6 weeks after the birth of their new baby and have sex even if they don't feel like it. Other mums share their tips and one woman actually says...."you may have to grin and bear it"!! EXCUSE ME?!

When her mums are feeling down she tells them to have a bath, shave their legs and paint their nails!!!! Not sure about anyone else but when my children were babies I could just about manage to brush my teeth! And as for sex...... well sleep would be my priority but I guess if I'd listened to her my babies would be sleeping through from 6 weeks after I put them in their own room and left them to cry until they got the message.

All this from someone who has never even had a baby. If she too had pushed out a baby bigger than a melon, had to be cut and then stitched together again (not to mention the bruises which made it hard to sit down for a week), then she maybe qualified to offer new mums advice. Until that day she should just keep stum.

It's like reading something from the 1940s. Silly cow.

Oh sorry, she didn't make these comments? I guess she still advocates them though as she's put her name to the book.

I found out how bad her advice was after trying to potty train using her guide. Gave up after ds1 pooed and weed himself for the 3rd day in a row. I had an episiostomy with ds1 and was also bruised and shredded in my lady garden with both my dss. Even a year after my scars were still tender. She is mad to suggest that a woman should have sex without wanting to, that's date rape surely?
She is obviously a woman with no experience of the emotion involved in parenting. She obviously doesn't have much experience of men either. Most men wouldn't want to have sex if they knew it would cause their partner pain. Alpine Pony, beware 3 weeks in you are still high on life, two months in, you may find things abit different!
Saying GF is mad, may be my first deletion!

spanky you may be right, I may get PND down the line, but I think perhaps you misunderstand - this is my second child, my second in 2 years.

Wrt the sex issue, of course it's more complicated if you've suffered physical trauma - but GF's message (imo) is about not neglecting your relationship. A blow job won't rip open your stitches - not unless your tear was particularly unfortunate...

For everyone on mn saying "oh my husband wouldn't look elsewhere for companionship/sex" there's a woman posting in relationships saying "I never thought it'd happen to me".

rollerbaby, have you got the very first CLBB, before the re-print? There is indeed some horrifying stuff in there.

Ps, I think you also misunderstood what I said about sex. We haven't yet done it, despite my desire, because of worries of any potential pain issues. You've made it sound like I took an ibuprofen and said "climb on"! ;)

So a woman who isn't feeling remotely "turned on" due to stitches etc should just do her duty and give her dp oral sex? Or he might have an affair?

How ridiculous. Normal men do not go out and start fucking someone else because their partner is not up for sucking them off 4 weeks after giving birth.

Christ, after feeding constantly all day and being woken up for a feed every 2 hours or so in the night, the likelihood of my feeling like I wanted to give someone a BJ was lower than zero.

Dr Spock didn't know that sleeping on tummies was linked to SIDS so I think that's a bit unfair. What he was trying to do was tell women to listen to their instincts rather than feel they had to 'manage' their babies according to a strict timetable.

If a routine works for you, then fine, but (contrary to the assertions posted by some people on this thread) I've read CLB and it definitely says that routines are the way to rack and ruin. I tried to impose a routine (stupidly) in the first few weeks and I can't tell you how fucking miserable it made both me and my baby. Once I had the confidence to go with the flow, we were both so much happier. I'm not into AP but I also co-slept (and never thought I would do that either).

None of us have any idea how we're going to feel or react to first time parenting - the best kind of parenting book would say that some people find X useful and others find Y better. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way, it's whatever works best for you and your baby. But I suspect hell will freeze over before that happens.

There is nothing in it about attachment parenting, co-sleeping, taking a babymoon and living in your pajamas being waited on hand and foot for a month after delivery...

Because GF does not advocate any of these methods. Therefore she would not put together a book regarding any of the above. But she doesn't actually SAY these things herself. Some people out there think and say these things. She has not made them up. And Im sure for every baby-wearer out there, theres a routine lover. Books are allowed to target a specific audience.

Have you actually read this new book?

Spero -- There is a long history of putting babies to sleep on their tummies that predates Dr Spock by a long shot.

I agree about the nice big pinch of salt that should come with all baby expert books.

Wormshuffler, try to see breastfeeding as a relationship, with you and the baby as a breastfeeding couple, and not as a question of getting the right nutrients into the baby at the right intervals.

From this paper - 'The tug of war for control over the pregnant woman's mind/body/trust continues to the present day. At first, it was motivated by the medical establishment's desire for control over the mom-to-be. While that is still a strong theme in pregnancy books to this day, the commercialization of pregnancy and motherhood is an ever more powerful force.' Same goes for the new mother market.

It is interesting that many posters have used phrases like attachment parenting to describe 'methods' that are not GF's, and even that the term 'method' is used in the first place, to describe what a mother or father does with the baby. Use of the term 'method' signifies that we have accepted that there are higher authorities than us when it comes to taking care of our own babies. Use of labels like 'attachment parenting' for ourselves or for the style of others signifies that we are living in a world where we choose different brands of mind control.

LikeAnAdventCandle, GF completely endorses everything these mothers say. They are her mouthpieces. That is the way the book was conceived.

Apparently she has given a little thought to how someone who has never had a baby comes across as low hanging fruit, ripe for criticism, even mockery. Therefore, what better way to get around this very obvious (and justifiable imo) flaw in her authoritativeness than to 'speak' through real, live mothers?

'Books are allowed to target a specific audience.'

Are you happy to be a victim of motherhood branding?

In what way exactly can motherhood be branded? Do you mean in terms of expressions used, Baby-Wearing, Baby Led Weaning, Co-Sleeping etc? I don't actually do any of these, so am not 'branded'.

If you can identify any style of doing what a mother does for a baby by any of those terms, then you are living in a world where babycare is branded. Whatever you personally do with your baby, there is a book out there advocating it.

The reason many parents are so happy to 'find' GF or whatever bible they subscribe to, either in whole or in part, is that they have been conditioned by a century of propaganda in favour of scientific parenting that they have no confidence in their own parenting instincts and need the validation of some expert in order to be able to relax. They need the confidence that comes from identifying with a certain brand. Adopting one brand in preference to another is a way of expressing how you perceive yourself (GF seems to appeal to the no-nonsense self-perception of some parents). There is a complex web of inter-relationship between consumers and brands.

From Douglas Holt, 'How Brands Become Icons':

Four key elements to creating iconic brands:

"Necessary conditions" - The performance of the product must at least be acceptable, preferably with a reputation of having good quality. Some or all of the advice needs to be doable and accompanied by an assurance of experience on the part of the guru.
"Myth-making" - A meaningful storytelling fabricated by cultural insiders. These must be seen as legitimate and respected by consumers for stories to be accepted. So we see various theories bandied about on the internet and elsewhere, discussed in the media.
"Cultural contradictions" - Some kind of mismatch between prevailing ideology and emergent undercurrents in society. In other words a difference between the way consumers are and how they wish they were. Or a difference between reality (exhaustion and mess with the sound of babies screaming in the background)) and the ideal promoted by the guru.
"The cultural brand management process" - Actively engaging in the myth-making process in making sure the brand maintains its position as an icon. GF is an exceptional example of this.

Baby advice books are ideal products to fit into the branding. Every single element can be seen in the baby book industry and especially in the approach of GF.

I have a child and one on the way. Her routines are fine if they suit your family but she has NO idea about the complexities of being in a relationship, giving birth, being a mother... (she's not) and her tone of writing is dreadful to the point of being completely ridiculous, misled and patronising.

I've met her and was a maternity nurse. I used to tell my clients to take her with a very large ocean of salt.

I for one will not be buying this nonsense. She's just trying to earn more money after her 'breakthough' of the contented baby book...

Mathanxiety your posts are very wise on the GF.

Well, I like GF and used her routines to the second when I had DC1. I had no idea what I was doing before that. I can't handle not being in a routine.

I don't have a problem with people who AP and co-sleep, I think it's lovely if you're cut out for it. But I wasn't and needed an instruction manual to get us through the first few months.

Tbh, I agree with GF, life doesn't end after a baby!! Get on with it! I had 3 stitches, bf, and knackered, but my Dh and I dtd when our baby was 12 days old!
Tbh if we had lived nearer our rellies (we live 3.5 hrs away, moving back this year) me and Dh would have DEFINITELY gone out on our own!
At the end of the day yes you have just had a baby, yes you are knackered, yes all you want to do is completely nothing when your baby is asleep, but yes you are still a partner too so you do need to make time (even if just an hour) for each other!

Baloney.

KLou you sound as if the drugs haven't worn off yet.

How's that, because I am not following the crowd??

You're a mum, yes, but you're still a woman aswell!

And while you might find it easy to shrug about overdoing it in the early days after birth right now, you may find that you regret it bitterly when you are older and leaking every time you sneeze.

math there is no proof THAT is going to happen. But at least I'll still have a relationship after the kids have left lol! Fwiw, I was told if I didn't do pelvic floors that it was going to happen after childbirth! Didn't do them religiously, and it didn't happen!

Will have to agree to disagree, but can see how soooo many relationships end after having a baby!