Anyone seen todays Times about Gina Ford's new book?!!!!!

[louby78]

OMFG is all I can say. Anyone who doesn't like her will now see their hatred excel to a new level.

Apparently new mums should go on a date night with their husbands 4-6 weeks after the birth of their new baby and have sex even if they don't feel like it. Other mums share their tips and one woman actually says...."you may have to grin and bear it"!! EXCUSE ME?!

When her mums are feeling down she tells them to have a bath, shave their legs and paint their nails!!!! Not sure about anyone else but when my children were babies I could just about manage to brush my teeth! And as for sex...... well sleep would be my priority but I guess if I'd listened to her my babies would be sleeping through from 6 weeks after I put them in their own room and left them to cry until they got the message.

All this from someone who has never even had a baby. If she too had pushed out a baby bigger than a melon, had to be cut and then stitched together again (not to mention the bruises which made it hard to sit down for a week), then she maybe qualified to offer new mums advice. Until that day she should just keep stum.

It's like reading something from the 1940s. Silly cow.

I have ordered the first CLB book just to have a look what all the fuss is about. I'm a bit confused as to why getting into a routine is considered a bad thing by some. We have to have routines in life or nothing would ever get done. Where is the harm in doing this from an early age?
I'm currently BFing DC3 after having FF DC1 and 2 and am enjoying it, i do however find the feeding on demand a challenge and feel that I feed her just to settle her rather than because she is actually hungry and consequently she is hardly ever getting the fatty milk. I just can't seem to read her feeding cues. For this reason I am interested in what the book has to say regarding feeding to a schedule.
Before I read this article DH asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I replied by saying a nice bubble bath to myself with my music, chocs and a glass of wine. She is just saying the same thing isn't she?

I don't object to a childless woman telling me how to look after my child (though i do admit her methods never felt 'right' for me personally), i object to her telling me how to look after myself when I am the only one who knows how i feel after giving birth to a baby. Someone once said it's a trauma akin to being in a car crash because it's so mentally and physically draining. How can she know that, never having done it?

Wormshuffler you say we have to have routines in life to get things done, but can't they also be quite debilitating because some people feel they are somehow doing wrong by their DC if they dare go out for the day and their DC are therefore not getting 'proper' sleep - i.e. at the 'right' time and in the 'right' place. Flexibility allows freedom that routines don't - if you follow them to the letter, which many new mums think they should be doing, not having built the confidence to know any better.

If we are able to read a book, decide it isn't for me, and put it away without it having affected us then all would be fine. It would appear from reading this thread that women who don't agree with the gf approach are left feeling guilty/inadequate, and at a time when we are less able to "shrug off" negative comments than any other! I did loads of the things suggested early on in an attempt to show how well I was coping - didn't stop me getting pnd though, probably contributed to it imo.

Nowt wrong with routine if it works for you and your baby. Plenty wrong with GF, however. Fortunately I had looked after plenty of babies myself and had younger siblings, including one who was a nanny, so knew at first glance GF's first edition of her first book was, um, not my cup of tea. (You are allowed a cup of tea at 7.15am, IIRC. In fact you must get up for it even if you and baby are both sleeping.)

Personally I'd avoid any baby 'expert' who thinks their word is law and will brook no debate or discussion. Babies are different, families are different, and it's ruddy useful to look up some research if you are going to spout about how to do breastfeeding, for instance.

Back to the OP's comment that you have to have sex even if you don't feel like it: well, who is really that up for it even 12 weeks after birth? Maybe she means that the longer you put it off (tiredness, BF, pain down there) the more it gets built up in your head as a huge deal and the more anxious you'll get about it, so may be best to get it 'out of the way' early. I found it really uncomfortable (around 10 weeks post 3rd degree tear) but it has got better with time. If I'd avoided it until now I think I 'd be terrified :(

I agree her methods aren't for everyone but think it's a bit unfair that she gets flamed for being a childless WOMAN presuming to give advice. What childbirth/BF experience did Dr Spock have? Not that I'm supporting his methods either, just making a point that you don't have to be parous to be knowledgable.

Dr Spock was a doctor though, with qualifications rather in excess of having looked after 300 babies. I don't recall him advising new mothers to get back in the saddle either.

GF is not the one telling us to get back in the saddle. The book is a collection of comments from mothers and what they advise. She has put all these together in a book.

These comments are coming from other mothers.

Routine is often good but it is something you should be able to ease yourself into, not be forced into. You are raising your child and you should be able to raise it your way. The answer to that is never read a parenting book again but most of us have flicked through one or had one recommended to us. Then we read bits and new mums do have this guilt setting where we feel we are doing it wrong. Seeing that we should be having sex at 6 weeks and baby should be sleeping in its own room, or through the night by a certain time leaves many feeling they are doing it all wrong.

Absolutley ditto what Spero said. Some of GFs ideas have worked for my twins and our family. Attachment parentingn baby whisperer etc would not. Doesn't mean I'm going to shoot them down in flames.

Don't buy it if you dont like it!

Absolutley ditto what Spero said. Some of GFs ideas have worked for my twins and our family. Attachment parentingn baby whisperer etc would not. Doesn't mean I'm going to shoot them down in flames.

Don't buy it if you dont like it!

Hideous spelling, sorry, on phone!

Hideous spelling, sorry, on phone!

I think some of the posts on here are hilarious given the fact that probably no one has actually READ the book. From reading her other books cover to cover I can categorically state that she doesn't dictate that you leave children to scream all night and nor do I believe that she sets in stone that all women should shave their legs and service their husbands at 4-6 weeks especially if you are having a hard time recovering.

Common sense told me first time around that the first shag probably wasnt going to be the greatest post natally but I wanted to check all was in good working order around the 6 week mark without anyone telling me. After that it was all too easy to let things in that department lapse and before you know it months can pass and there's no harm someone telling you to prioritise your relationship just a little.

Going out and bf isn't impossible. We managed our first night out in 2 hours at a local Italian. It was between feeds and it was the oddest feeling in many ways but lovely to just sit and chat about stuff and feel a little bit normal just for a while. we didn't do enough of it. Even going for a walk a deux is good for the soul I think.

I'm due to give birth again in the next week or so and shoot me down but I've had my hair done, legs shaved etc etc beforehand because I know how tough it is after and whilst my appearance is hardly the most important thing it IS lovely to begin to get your mojo back and whatever makes you feel good in my book...

I don't know why gf threads have to be so hysterical. Don't follow her advice if you don't like it but most people that read her admittedly not well written books find that most of what she says is plain old common sense.

Do you still have to pay to post on her forums?

Oh yes. You do. Read in to that what you will.

What roller said.

Nando, I had all my babies well before GF came on the scene. All of them were completely different personalities. What I see in GF is a prescriptive one size fits all method of training that is no different from advice dished out to my mother when she was having babies back in the 60s; on issues ranging from feeding (four hourly even if breastfeeding) and sleeping to toilet training and sunbathing (yes, apparently that was good for babies with pale Irish skin) someone somewhere had a better idea than the ones my granny had used on the farm back in the days before there weren't any gurus around (or if there were any their ideas hadn't yet percolated to the boreens of rural Ireland).

Long afterwards, when we were chatting, my mum mused that it was the mothers who were being trained and put on a schedule, and that someone had forgotten to tell the babies how they were supposed to behave.

How is being a new mother not being a 'normal person'?

LikeanAdvent, that is ridiculous. The book has her name on the cover and all the ideas have her approval and imprimatur. There is nothing in it about attachment parenting, co-sleeping, taking a babymoon and living in your pajamas being waited on hand and foot for a month after delivery...

Wormshuffler, do not try breastfeeding according to a schedule. Feed whenever your baby seems to want to feed. Don't worry about the fatty milk, etc.

A lot of babies settle into their own routine whether trained or not. GF has made a fortune on the anxiety parents have about their own sleep, about turning themselves into martyrs in the eyes of society, about letting the babies run their lives, and seems to appeal to a modern sensibility that values control and the prospect of getting things done -- the latter is an older preoccupation that was prevalent in the 50s and 60s when women were supposed to be Mrs Perfect.

Now she has added another layer of responsibility to the lives of women. They are to be responsible for their relationships too, and the way to take care of the relationship is to attend to their appearance , to have sex even if it kills them (what husband wouldn't want that? ), and to make the effort to do themselves up and get out without the baby for a flipping date -- yes a date when your boobs leak and end up like painful watermelons unless you can get to the bathrooms to relieve the pressure is a lovely prospect.

When she comes out with a book for new fathers I will start taking her seriously. Until then, imo, she is a voice from the highly dubious history of advice to mothers.

Dr Spock was a 'go with the flow' guru, no? I thought that was what made him controversial when he first published it. Someone gave me a copy when I had DD1 but I lost it and only found it again when she was about a year old.

Saggarmaker, I noticed that too, and I also noticed she equates copies of her books sold with evidence that her methods work.

I go to a big annual book sale that benefits a charity. People donate books and they sell for a good cheap price. Guess what I see a lot of in the baby care section, year after year, barely touched?

mathanxiety "There is nothing in [GF's new book] about attachment parenting, co-sleeping, taking a babymoon and living in your pajamas being waited on hand and foot for a month after delivery".

All of which makes many of us think it sounds sensible and realistic.

Attachment parenting and co-sleeping are my personal idea of hell. Which is why I don't do them. Here's an idea: how about everyone who doesn't like GF's methods just not do them either, and stop trying to demonise and discredit someone who simply doesn't agree with you?

dr Spock is a horrifying example of why we should treat all gurus with big pinch of salt - heard something on radio 4 last week which estimated thousands of children has died because of his advice to put to sleep on tummies.

I just find it quite sad that the attachment parents I know seemed often so miserable and frazzled. It doesn't seem to have hurt my daughter that I left her in a cot while I had a shower etc.

It does seem a bit like motherhood is about competitive misery and some people get quite angry with those such as GF who points out that it is possible to have a life which doesn't revolve completely around a baby.

Here here. gf hardly the first person to make a living out of giving advice to parents that want it.

Mathanxiety I know what you are saying, It's not the sleep that bothers me to be honest, dd doesn't actually feed too much overnight. It's more the feeling that feeding is out of my control. I wouldn't know any different if I hadn't ff my older dcs.

stop trying to demonise and discredit someone who simply doesn't agree with you?

Arf. I think that's GF's modus operandi.

I think it is important to remember that Ford's orginal "Contented Baby" book has been seriously re-written since the original edition. I bought it (and subsequently binned it) nearly 11 yrs ago. Then it was very much about leaving screaming 5 month old babies in their room. I specifically remember her stating that you shouldn't give a baby any eye contact at night. It seemed completely counter intuitive. Anecdotally I have heard that subsequent editions are not quite so austere.

It's comments like the ones GF made about gritting your teeth and getting on with it that drove me to have no self confidence, a massive guilt complex and pnd after dd was born. I only just want to have sex 3 years later and that's once every other week. There is something about forcing yourself to have sex when you don't want to that reminds me of prostitution. It is my body and I will choose what to do with it thank you very much lady without children.

I do wish I'd put a bit more effort into making myself look nice back then as I think it may have helped me feel better but I just had more important things to do, we went out on a date at 6 weeks and I was crying by 9pm and in bed by 10. I'm sure not everyone is the same but I wish I'd have given myself a break and not felt so pressured to be pre-birth strawberry quite so quickly.

I am worried this book will make other mothers feel the same.