HONESTLY what is life like with 2 children?

[MzPixielated]

ok so i currently have DS who is 4 and i am 30 weeks pregnant. This last year or so it seems as though i have got back to being 'me' as well as a mummy and i have a social life again. should i just abandon this notion with baby number two around the corner? is it THAT financially different? what do you wish you had known before DC2 came along? will every trip to the shops be a planned mission? Be honest!
first thread so please be nice :)

I'll be watching this thread with interest although I fear it isn't going to be as rosy I'd hope :)

IME

Number 2 isn't like having number 1 again, you hit the ground running
Number 2 will not be tended too as quickly as number 1 so is often more relaxed/patient as they have to be - in dd2 this also meant she learnt to self settle quickly
It is much harder to be heavily pregnant with number 2 and looking after number 1 than it is to have number 1 and a newborn
Everyone says number 2 will just slot in to your routine, they do and I'm still not sure how
It quickly becomes easier, and number 2 really will watch number 1 for hours
You appreciate number 2 much more because a) you know what you are doing b) you realise how quickly they grow up
It isn't twice the work, and it is worth every second to see the relationship develop between siblings

Well dd is only seven months but my ds is four so similar age gap to yours. It is fantastic, honestly. The relationship between them is an absolute joy to behold. The trick is not to think you have to divide yourself between them - treat them as a unit as well as individuals and it reinforces their bond. I'm always telling ds "oh look she smiles most for you" and things like that and he loves that. It's been wonderful being on maternity leave while ds is in his reception year at school because I am there to do school run and the baby and I get done time alone together too. Everyone's a winner.

And dd is a million times easier as a baby than ds.

There is 20 months between my 2 dd's

Chaotic, expensive, exhausting, stressful and testing. But double the fun and eventually they play together which allows you momentary respite from the eternal questions! :)

Mine are 4.5 and 17 months and they had me in tears the other night because the little one had got into the big one's bed and they were having a cuddle. I almost burst with the loveliness.

I have the same age gap and am about to have the same again. I think it's an ideal age gap as a baby as your older one is so much more independant and will almost appreciate their younger sibling more. I know my dd was very protective of ds when he was tiny. Now tbh the worst aspect is squabbling, but I think that's par for the course when you have more than one anyway. I have to say that the times I now have just one of them with me, it makes me appreciate just how much more work everything is with 2 (and soon to be 3....) but it's amazing how quickly you get used to it. I don't find going out a mission at all, I think a lot of it is about attitude. I know a mum who gets incredibly stressed just leaving the house. I think havign number 2 is when most parents learn to lower their standards just a teeny bit to make life more bearable.

It's lovely.

I've got 22 months between my DD's and I've loved it. Definitely didn't experience any of the 'oh my god, what have i done to my life?' horrors like I did when DD1 was a baby.

DH and I are both much more relaxed with DD2. First baby I felt like I had to be getting everything 'right'. If DD1 woke at night DH or I woud sit in her room holding her in the dark for HOURS rather than bring her downstairs or into our bed.

If DD2 wakes and won't settle in the evening she joins us. As for co-sleeping - she has her own pillow tucked down the side of our bed for when she comes in.

Watching a sibling relationship blossom is absolutely wonderful. Seeing two children who adore each other is such a privelege.

I would do it all over again, and hope to soon as we're planning DC3.

DD was 4yrs 4mths when her brother was born. I too was worried about going back to the nappies/sleepless nights thing, I worried about dd feeling pushed out, I worried that I didn't have the reserves.

I could not be happier. Happily, it's a brilliant gap. DD is mature enough to understand the baby has needs which need to be immediately attended to, interested enough to want to help, young enough to hug herself with joy at the prospect of cuddling her baby brother and steady enough to adore the rounds of books and games which take place while ds is feeding. Because she's at school now the baby also gets lots of one to one and she gets lots of input outside of what I give and the way they light up around each other every morning and at every school pick up is worth every dirty nappy and broken night of sleep. DS is wrangled into the sling and taken along to everything I do with dd, be it library trips or school shows and he is sufficiently entertained by it all. I could not have believed how well a 6 month old and a 4.10yr old play together. DD devotes hours to his amusement and he saves his best smiles for her. I think ds is a much more relaxed baby because he hasn't landed upon shell shocked parents who don't know which way is up. He's just part of the family and very much loved by his adoring sister.

Life with 2 children is smashing.

Three years between my two - I think that it is actually easier than having one in some ways.

You don't have that shell shocked feeling like the first time; you don't have time to do the "sit and stare at their tiny fingers and hope they are still breathing" thing, so you just feed, wind, change, and get on with your day (or catching up on a nap).

When they get bigger, they entertain each other. The little one is a willing audience for the big one.

Financially, it all depends on childcare. My two are boys, so hand me downs were fine, but it was another set of nursery fees...

Good luck. X

Oh yes, we just take the path of least resistance. DS is cuddled all day, sleeps with us etc and he's the happiest, sunniest and most easy going little chap.

This is brilliant. Our new baby is due just as dd turns 4 so fascinating to read experiences and very very reassuring.

My three are 8, 6 and 1. I've had a better social life since DD was born last year mainly because I've met new people. For me no.2/ 3 was easier. You don't need to plan as hard about trips out because you've done it before. I also find the children amuse each other some of the time. There are times when it's easy to shop with the three of them and times I avoid like when they're tired and hungry.

Financially I think it's not significantly different unless you're into childcare. As they grow up there are more admissions but as a standard family you'd qualify for family tickets - which typically are one child free.

I've got the same gap as ohbugrit. Both girls and they adore each other. DD1 was indifferent to start with. Didn't like the crying but jealousy never really an issue. I stuffed DD2 in a Moby and carried on as normal.

Having DD1 was an awful shock. She had reflux and was hard work. DD2 is very clingy but otherwise has been easy. The DDs hug and play together, it melts my heart. There is some angst with DD2 ALWAYS going for whatever DD1 is playing with. OTOH days out and car journeys are easier as they entertain each other.

Two does cost more than one but we're managing. We've recycled all the kit from the first time around.

Thank you all for your lovely replies, i was refusing to get excited about this baby because i was convinced it would be hell when she arrived. i could weep with relief (although honestly that's mostly hormones!). im so excited to see how DS and babys relationship blossoms. Thank you so so much for this guys!

Two is great.

They play together allowing you to ignore them spend time mumsnetting eat cake get on with chores etc.

Ahhh it's lovely hearing them blether to each other. That talk such fantastic rubbish. . I vote 2 children as perfection!

I'll go against the grain and say it's hard. But DS is 2.4 and DD (3 months) is a high needs baby (awful problems feeding, reflux, cannot be put down for sleeps due to her wind). She is a lovely happy thong though! I'm trying to make more effort now to spend time with da as I've been guilty of seeing to DD but that was to head off colicky evenings which seem to have passed. Haven't got there with a joined bedtime routine yet either! It's early days here but I already see that DD is fascinated by her older brother and DS likes DD (perhaps as she doesn't nab his toys yet!).

It depends on temperament of baby. My DD has acid reflux. Quite frankly IRS hell. DS is suffering from lack of attention.

First two weeks were lovely though and the though of that loveliness is what's getting me through.

Hopefully in a few more months i will get some time to myself. Certainly not a yummy mummy at the moment!

Ah lagoon glad it's not just me.

One good thing is you never make the same mistakes twice!!! In our case, DD1's was a 'drive-by-the-seat-of-your-pants' kind of experience; everything we did- wrong or right, got stored in my psyche for eternity.
After 19 months, when DD2 came along, I got my FOOT ON THE PEDAL!!!
She settled in happily enough, cos by then we had learned the essential lessons!

I think one to two was much easier than zero to one. That total shock of "where has my life gone and what has happened to it?" doesn't happen. First three months is tough, although your age gap sounds sensible, but it gets better. I now have 3, and DC3's face lit up from a few weeks old at at the sight of DC1, who is the same age as your first. Still idolises him. Long may it last.

Good luck.

Absolutely great. I agree with what other posters have said. It is tough right at the start getting used to juggling two (a bit like having the first but with one hand tied behind your back). You will wonder what you did with your time when you only had one, but absolutely, totally worth it when you see them playing together and how much they love each other (mine are ten and eight now, but it can still bring a tear to my eye!) And once you get over wondering what you did when you only had one you start to wonder how people manage who only have one - ready made playmate and companion which gives you a bit more time for yourself and you and dh a bit more time for each other. Financially I don't think it makes that much difference (unless you are about to embark on huge school fees). Good luck and enjoy it.