HONESTLY what is life like with 2 children?

[MzPixielated]

ok so i currently have DS who is 4 and i am 30 weeks pregnant. This last year or so it seems as though i have got back to being 'me' as well as a mummy and i have a social life again. should i just abandon this notion with baby number two around the corner? is it THAT financially different? what do you wish you had known before DC2 came along? will every trip to the shops be a planned mission? Be honest!
first thread so please be nice :)

Same age gap here. DD started school full time 6 weeks before DS arrived. He's 4 months now. I'm very lucky that he's a remarkably chilled child, but even so I agreed with others it's not double the work. DD dotes on him, and we encourage her to help look after him, pass nappies etc. We can't jump to comfort him straight away as we did with DD, but that's no bad thing and he's more relaxed because of it.

I don't think of spending 1:1 time with each child, we just do everything together. DD is just at the age where we can do things like museums, and DS just goes in the sling and falls asleep.

Can't say about twice the expense yet, babies are cheap IMHO, it's children that aren't, and DS hasn't objected to wearing pink and having butterflies on his clothes so far :o

However, I had just started going to the pub one night a week and I am missing that. I've thought about taking him, he's so good no-one would object, but he's discovered his voice now and he's loud!

Easier than with 3

I have DS who is now 11 weeks old and DD who is 3.5. It is not as bad as the initial shock of 0 to 1 - now that was hard but the first few weeks of 2 are still really really tough and tiring.
If, like me, you take a couple of weeks to really bond with your baby (happened DD too - it's just me, no instant bond), it can be really hard having to ignore your pfb sometimes cos the needs of the baby come first. We also had some nights when DD was up wetting the bed and DS was waking for a feed and then DD was up and at 'em for the day at 6.15am - that was/is bloody tough, especially as if your first is not at school/nursery so you can't sleep when the baby sleeps.
DD also took over 2 months to properly adjust to DS and we had some quite horrid behaviour from her - mainly directed at us: hitting, kicking, name calling, ignoring us. Even now she can go for DS if she's tired and we are telling her 'no' about something.

However, there is light.... DD does now love DS to bits and can't wait for the day he is old enough to properly play. DS is sleeping well, so i can function (DD was a high needs baby but DS is very chilled out so you can basically ignore him in his bouncer and eat tea!). DS is a delight and my relationship with DD is maturing into mummy and daughter looking after baby.
DD is also in nursery 3 full days a week and at nana's house on a Monday, so i get 4 full days a week when i can mooch round the shops/go to parent and baby cinema/stare at DS and watch crap tv whilst feeding. It's the same routine DD had when i was in work so we've kept in on mat leave.

My best investment was a stretchy Moby wrap to carry DS around in so I still had hands-free for DD.

The biggest downside - babysitting is much harder as looking after 1 child is attractive for relatives but 2 - well nana has said she'd rather not till DS is much older (fine by me tbh, it was DP who asked!!).

Oh additional - DS saves his biggest smiles for DD :)

However bed and bathtime is still exhausting - DP is away with work quite a bit, and I still can't get them both into bed on my own before 8pm and that's getting them upstairs by 6.30.
DD is more tired than she was cos DS sometimes wakes her up in the night.

HTH and good luck.

For me, the hardest part was being pregnant with no 2.

There's 4.9 years between dd and ds. They really do dote on each other. Ohbugrit mentioned loveliness. Yes, that's a very good way to describe it. Dd is now 6, ds 18 months.

I would say that dh and I have to put more effort into the running of the house but you get used to it. Dd is at such a lovely age that sometimes I am guitly of wistily looking into the future when ds is 6 and dd 10/11. Then I think 'nooo, ds won't be a chubby baby anymore.'

Financially, having two was not particularly expensive. You can reuse most of what you used for dc1, except disposable nappies, and maybe a few gender-specific clothes, if you're fussed. We bought a new car, but as we had had a tiny Micra before, we would probably have done so in any case.

You don't need to be scrupulously fair. Each child doesn't need the same as their sibling. Each child needs to be loved individually.

It's thrilling to feel how your ability to love increases when you fall in love with dc2. It's hard work to remember that dc1 is still only little, no matter how grown-up they suddenly seem. It's wonderful to see the sibling relationship develop.

My abiding memory of the difference between having one dc and having two dc was formed when we visited the same hotel two years running, once pg with dc2 and then with both dc. On the second visit we would see a particular couple with one dc at lunch, both parents utterly focused on the child's every mouthful. I remember thinking "OMG that was us last year!", being horrified at the obsessive helicoptering, and being so glad that dc2 had taught us to chill a bit.

I'm with Iggly and Lagoon on this I'm afraid although it can't be all bad as I now have three! Of all transitions 0 to 1, 1 to 2 and 2 to 3, 1 to 2 was the most difficult. Having my first was a breeze as I had a really open mind as to what was or wasn't going to happen. 2 to 3 was a walk in the park as by the time you've had 2 you really have waaaay more confidence in yourself. For me though 1 to 2 was really tough. My age gap was 3.3. DS1 had no hint of terrible 2s but more than made up for this about 2 months before DS2 was born and life became hellish for us all. He was going to pre-school but only on a part time basis so I had to be backwards and forwards, there was no time to sit and relax with DS2. On the other hand this can be a benefit as you have a routine in place already. DS2 was a pretty awful sleeper until around 9 months and I really don't do well with broken sleep so this was a factor too. I'd also lost my wonderful Grandad 12 days after DS2 was born, so thinking back this was probably a factor as well, although I poss didn't realise at the time. On the plus side DS2 was a fabulous feeder and a wonderful, relaxed, smiley, chilled out baby.
I think though that the early stages of a baby and it's older sibling are always going to be tough because you are split in different ways - dealing with a toddler, child and newborn are all different skills so you are constantly putting on different hats. I've found with DS2 and DD1 that life becomes infinitely more enjoyable for the whole family around the 10/11 month mark. They are starting to interact properly, crawling is setting in, they are weaning, they sleep the whole night through etc.
Despite all this I wouldn't change a thing. Things happen how they happen and help shape us all and now with 3 I feel really settled. They all adore each other and play wonderfully together although yes, absolutely we do have fall outs and fights. Those heart melting moments though more than make up for the awful ones!

I thought the first three months of 2 (2 years apart) was three times the work of two. However once DC2 was sleeping through and I had got them into both going to bed at the same time I felt sane again!

Great thread! DD is 4.11 and am 22wks pg with DD2 - have been worrying about all this stuff so is very reassuring to hear how well it's worked for others.

Cannot wait for DD to meet her little sister now!

It is hard at first but everyday gets easier particularly as they start to interact (& I have just stopped bf which DD1 really hated me doing). DD1 3 and DD2 24w. What's hard is how knackered you are as there's no time to stop - ever! Someone always needs you. I did worry I'd lost a bit of PFB bonding but now I've accepted we enriched her life by giving her a sister rather than detracted from her being a PFB iyswim!

4 year gap worked well for us - clearly new born stage hard work in general for us a lot easier than with DS1 - know what we were doing more, more relaxed - and easier baby too - DS1 was in preschool 5 mornings a week which also helped - and went to his much loved childminder a bit as well - DS1 delighted with his brother

I can't really comment much because my age gap is very different from yours (only just over 2 years), but two is bloody brilliant.

To echo what others have said, I found it much harder being heavily pregnant with a toddler than I ever have having two so far (DD2 is nearly 9 months and doesn't sleep...). Friends have said the same. So if you find the end of pregnancy hard, console yourself that you might be nearly over the worst.

I adore having two. To be blunt, I find small babies rather boring. Having two close in age (so the older one is not at school) suits me down to the ground. I enjoy DD2 far more for having her older sister around entertaining me - although I imagine having the older one at school gives a nice balance of chaos and calm.

We are actively considering a third at some point, which I never thought I would find myself saying...

SecondTimeLucky, 2 to 3 is another level of madness completely.....

I have a similar age gap and now DS is two it is properly awesome, they rough and tumble on the floor together, chase each other around and they get a lot of pleasure from each others company. They also care a great deal about each other and there is a lot of spontaneous affection. DD helps DS a great deal and protects him to a certain extent. Just this evening DS climbed off his sister's head (play wrestling rather than attempted murder) and kissed her nose before telling her she was his best friend in the whole world.

They are also learning a lot about compromise, negotiation and where to poke each other to get the maximum reaction. I am learning about crisis management, dividing myself in two and remaining calm in the face of adversity/whining in stereo/working out who smacked who in the face with the sonic screwdriver first.

DD is at school most of the time which is great but holidays take some getting used to and when DD has friends around DS can't really join in easily so there is some tension there. The age gap means they have to find a middle ground when playing and DD often gets frustrated with DS.

The first two years were hard- DS had reflux and lactose intolerance and poor DD was neglected. Ds got frustrated that he couldn't keep up with his sister and discipline was really hard to manage. DD couldn't understand why she got punished for biting/hitting and baby DS didn't (we didn't ignore it but we didn't make him sit on the naughty step for example).It was hard finding things for physically active DD and DS when he got too big for the sling. He got really frustrated just sitting in his pushchair watching her run and play and he had much less patience with play parks so DD only got half her accustomed time.

Naps were hard as he wanted to sleep around school run times and I was constantly dragging him out of bed.

But it was lovely having a child who could entertain themselves when DS was a baby; DD could be set a task, be negotiated with or bribed, do arts and crafts etc while I was dealing with DS. Jealousy was more mental than phsyical, DD got quite angry and morose but she did occasionally take it out on him with a swipe of her hand (and once pushed him down the stairs but we won't dwell on that as he was absolutely fine and she wept for an hour).

Washing increased by another load a day, it was tricky at first to fit in housework but both kids now help out a little which makes it easier. PLus they play independently which is magnificently brilliant! DD and DS both do drawing and arts and crafts much longer if there are two of them at the table, although there are squabbles.

Four year age gap is great. Especially when it comes to illness e.g. they both had chicken pox when DD was 5 and DS ten months. DD was happily applying her own cream and distracted with DVDs whilst I wrestled with DS. When they both have a sickness bug they stagger it so I have a chance to get some towels and bedlinen dry and DD can be trusted to vomit in a receptacle, leaving me free to chase around DS.

I am loving everyone's stories. DD will be 3.10 when DC2 arrives in June, looking forward to embracing the chaos :)

For me, it was a hard few months until the elder one settled and adapated and then it ws about the same level of work, until after a while I started feeling that having two is actually easier. They distract each other and enrich each other.

iggy gosh could have written your post word for word!

I thought the same about yours lagoon, especially the first weeks - I thought it would be ok :( it will get better I'm sure.

Two is fab and much, much easier than I was expecting it to be. I was really floored by first-time motherhood and struggled a lot with the loss of my personal freedom, the lovely holidays DH and I had pre-DC, the ability to just grab my handbag and run out the door, my career, an evening-based social life, etc. So when I was pg with DS2 I was expecting a redux of what I experienced the first time. Happily, it's been a completely different experience and exactly as many others above have very eloquently put it (I sat nodding at BillyBollyBandys description in particular).

Enjoy it. This time around you will know how to feed your baby, soothe them, you'll know not to leap up and stick you boob in their mouth every time they grizzle, you'll just stick him/her in a sling or the pram and take them along. Your older child will love being a the big one who knows how to do stuff. You'll be less anxious, more confident, etc. I was shopping in Sainsburys when DS2 was two days old, whereas with DS1 I didn't leave the house for a week!

Mine are about the same ages apart as yours. The biggest challenge I found was that DD (4.6 at the time) was having some sleep issues around the time DS was born, which basically meant she was getting up at 4/5am every day then being ratty all day because she was tired. That was crippling, especially with night feeds etc going on at the same time.

However, seeing them together is fabulous, they are totally besotted with each other. I actually found I had the best social life I've had in a long while during that first year - not sure how that worked out but it did!

I've also really enjoyed revisiting the baby years with DS - it's amazing how much you forget about how cute baby's are and the things they do remind you of DC1 as well.

Persoanlly, I think a big advantage of that age gap is that DC1 goes off to school - it's an exciting and special time for them, so they don't feel so overlooked by new baby arriving. But also, while DC1 is at school, you get lots of lovely uninterrupted time with DC2.

But yes, in answer to the first part of your question, you will lose you 'life' again for a bit. My DS2 is now 9 months old and is finally sleeping through the night, so I'm no longer a complete zombie. I have had precisely one night out since he was born though and I have friends who live not that far away who I haven't seen for over a year. Your 'life' will be put on hold a bit all over again, but I'm willing to bet it won't seem such a hardship this time, because you'll know that sooner or later things will get easier and you'll get it back again.

The more you have the easier it gets

i cant wait for DS to meet his little sister, did any of you give a present to DC1 "from the baby"?
a good range of responses, i asked my mum but i could tell she was sugar coating she didn't want to stress me out, definitely food for thought thank you. on a side note- to those who BF, any tips for keeping DC1 entertained whilst i feed? did DC1 feel 'pushed out'?
Also i am surrounded by reusable nappies and am starting to wonder if i've bitten off more than i can chew..
second time round though i just want to try the things i didn't have the guts to with DS