Pinched bottom - not smacking...

[Mummyinggnome]

can I have opinions please?
Dh and I were both smacked as children. No real issues with it in terms of how I view my parents or anything. I imagine on the 3/4 occasions i remember it happening I thoroughly deserved it!
However, I couldn't bear to think of that for my babies. But, sometimes if they've done something shocking (like ds1 squeezing toothpaste over ds3 hair tonight) is it ever permissible to have a pinched bottom and sent to bed before his sisters. When I say pinch, it wasn't hard enough to hurt anything other than his pride.
Am I a shocking mother? Anyone else do this?

I have done the tightly gripped wrist and a lot of hissing.
And a jabbing finger.

"Why bother smacking at all if it isn't painful?
Why not try communicating using words?"

Have you read my earlier posts?

I think lots of parents have smacked/tapped their children inthe heat of the moment. Its understandable, but a loss of control that imo needs to be worked on (I have got better at this myself).

Pinching sounds pre-meditated. I would absolutely not use this.

Couldn't you have sent him to bed without pinching?

Having read your earlier posts Edith, I still don't understand what the point of smacking is if it doesn't hurt? Surely a particular phrase followed by whatever you would do after the smack would also work of it truly is what comes after the smack that's important?

Edith - yes I have

I gain the attention of my children by talking to them. I discipline them by talking to them. If necessary I ask them to go their room to consider their behaviour and come back when they are ready to apologise and behave appropriately.
Why does anyone need to hit snack anyone?

My son loves to scare his sister by threatening to smack her - what would smacking him teach him? One of his favourite words is hypocrite. I don't want to give him reason to call me that!

Gosh, controversial...
Nothing premeditated, sly, spiteful etc. At all.
We communicate very well, he and I both apologised to each other shortly afterwards. And no, I wont ever be doing it again, but the reason to ask was, when you're at the end of your tether and words aren't working and the toddler rage is continuing what do you do? I should also reiterate that this was all v gentle.
Surely, unkind words in the heat of the moment can be more scarring?
No parent is absolutely perfect!

If toddler/child rage is happening - put them somewhere safe (assuming you are at home), go into a different room, wait for yourself and them to calm down - then you can talk about why you were cross with him/tell him off as appropriate.

I think if you are at the end of your tether and words arent working - both adult and child need some quiet time to calm down - I know I feel like that a lot!

Well, I'm not going to go round in circles of repeating myself in words of ever fewer syllables! So I think this will be a final post on this thread.

So basically you can't answer my question then Edith?

Well, I'm not going to go round in circles of repeating myself in words of ever fewer syllables

How patronising

I think its a shame you are unable to explain how smacking is acceptable tbh. In what way is smacking a child not hypocritical (given that persumably you would be cross with your child if they hit another?)

Magneto: I have answered your question in an earlier post.

And this is exactly what I mean by the nugatory nature of exchanges such as these. I have stated what I wanted to and I am sorry if the way I have drafted it is impenetrable to some.

But I'd forgotten how the vicious circle works on threads such at these, and my only intention in stepping back is to avoid the endless repetition of a dialogue of the deaf.

No you haven't. I want to know why you can't say a certain phrase instead of physical punishment before then giving the child the explanation of what they did wrong and why they were punished.

Why do you have to smack at all?

Please don't argue - there's too much of that on MN.
Otherwise, we're behaving like toddlers too!

Shall I just give Edith a pinch instead then?

Pinching isnt nice and often hurts more than a tapped bottom, however I dont believe either is essential to raising children. I have 5 DC and the eldest 3 from first marriage got a smacked bottom but left me feeling crap and it didnt really teach them anything, with the 2 smallest DC they get sent to the naughty step and thats enough to send the fear of god into them.

I also believe that children have to experiement with things, toothpaste in the hair isnt the worst thing in the world...darn my DD2 brushed her face and eyes with toothpaste like spongebob does and wooohoo she survived even tho toothpaste in the eyes hurt.

My ds3 has developmental delays and his temper tantrums are incredible, long and tedious and when i have had enough I have to distract him. Is your DC hungry? Need a drink? Tired as often when my DC have been at their worst its because they need something.
You could grab both your DC and sit them on your knee and watch Cbeebies for a while as that will calm them down. Or sing nursery rhymes with them and do all the actions.

Im lucky because if my OH senses i am about to blow a gasket he makes me a cup of tea and then goes with them to watch TV whilst I regain myself.

pinching? what like nipping? so when your child nips another at school and gets punished what will your answer to that be?

Edith why do you smack then? Pinching and smacking is not on.

My mum used to pinch. She used to smack too but pinching was reserved for those times when she needed to be more ..... discreet. She would pinch in church for example. It bloody hurt and it was humiliating.

I don't believe anybody 'deserves' a smack or a pinch. I always take the view that if I wouldn't do it (smack, pinch, shake etc) to another adult who had angered me then I wouldn't do it to a child. It's a no-brainer really.

Your children will copy whatever you do. If you pinch them then they will either pinch you or each other.

Parenting is never easy. However I don't think pinching is any better than old fashioned smacking.

Please read what I actually posted, not just parts of it.

think pinching does seem really cruel , ive smacked my dc a few times and always feel so awful think if i pinched them i would need therapy !!

Edith, clearly proving that only inadequate, feckless parents smack because they lack the intelligence to implement other strategies.

I don't think I have commented anywhere on any general characteristics of those likely to smack or otherwise. Nor have I said much about punishment techniques which involve physical dominance and humiliation (restraint, time out).

I do not think that having a range of methods of dealing with specific circumstances in individual children at specific times is a good thing, but would not dream to comment on the intelligence of those who choose a more monolithic approach.

I personally have read your posts on this thread Edith.
I dont think you have read mine though - well if you have you have chosen not to answer the questions I have asked (fair enough I spose)

I also wonder how people who actually are deaf feel about your desire to avoid the endless repetition of a dialogue of the deaf

At no point have I said or suggested that you dont communicate with your children -I would just like to know why you hit them before you talk to them when they are misbehaving.

I just talk to mine, they listen.

Most odd

Mummyinggnome - I am sorry that your thread has become an argument, threads about smacking hitting (and adults pinching) children always do.