How do you know when you're a good parent?

[BiWinning]

I constantly feel inadequate. I try not to compare myself to other parents but I can't help it. I don't really play with my DC's. They're 3 and 14 months. I read to them, take them for walks, to nursery, to playgroup, to an indoor play gym, to the park when the weather is nicer than it is now, we do some light crafts (cut and stick, glitter, lollipop stick men etc) but it seems a great deal of time is spent talking to them and watching DVD's (Barney etc so semi-educational for a big purple dinosaur).

What makes someone a good parent? How do you know when you are one? Do you feel like one?

Today, while playing with DS (aged 2) in his bedroom, I (20 weeks UTD and knackered) flopped onto the floor murmuring "mummy's tired". DS immediately brought me his blanket and a cushion, and spread the blanket over me; he then turned on his bedtime tinkly music toy, patted my head and said "ahhh mummy, sleepy".

I cried with pride...

When your 14 year old Ds tells you that you should have another baby as you are a brilliant mother.

Ahh, fishandjam (surely not by the way ?! - fish and jam that is !)

Good job !

BiWinning the fact that you do everything you can for your DC and still feel inadequate probably indicates you are trying very hard to be the perfect parent - even though that title doesn't exist...and the fact you even care enough to come on here and openly express your feelings SHOWS you are a loving and most probably bloody brilliant parent

You've got two very small children - of course you feel inadequate! But seriously, just love them and make sure they know it. x

Personally, I believe that people who think they are good parents are not.

So keep thinking you're not good enough and you'll be ok!

Good post manicinsomniac!! Once heard a good mantra which i try to live by.
"Dont take all the credit and dont take all the blame" seems sound to me... Sounds
like youre brilliant at it.. Mt number one rule is be compassionate.I always wish
id been criticesd less and accepted a bit more... Every best wish OP....

You know you are a good parent when your fiance's batshit ex wife threatens to call the social services because "There was a funny smell in the house!" when she dropped the kids off.

The only thing I could narrow it down to was the bolognese on the stove, which would smell unfamiliar to her because she feeds her children shit like noodles on toast.

So many people beat themselves up on their parenting! It's about putting your children before you, giving them your time and that cliche, to feel love. As for perfection, who wants that? It's so boring

I don't play with my DS either, really. Just talk to him, feed him mostly well, read to him, do cooking and the occasional art project, and tell him I love him every day. Keep him warm when it's cold, put on sunscreen the rest of the time.

I'm a good enough mom, and I'm sure you are too, OP! Don't worry :)

I've name changed (I am the OP) but holy shit, I made it to Discussions of the Day?

My day? MADE.

I think it's just about doing your best given your resources. I think a parent is fantastic if their children are fed & watered, housed, educated and loved, and if their individuality is respected. They may never get to private school, violin lessons or holidays in France, but they will have the tools and self esteem to successfully navigate life.

I think hurting children physically and/or emotionally (violence, neglect, meanness) is not good parenting. And I think spending money on consumer crap instead of decent food and warm clothes is plain stupidity.

I also think most of us feel inadequate quite a lot of the time!

Op- I think you are doing fine. Did your parents constantly play with you?
Mine didn't and I am perfectly fine, well I think I am!

Stop paying so much attention to the media crap.
Ypur kids will live their own lives.

Hiya Aless - yey ! Great thread !

What were you doing up before 6 this morning ?!

Maybe it is a reminder to all of us though to try and play a bit more ?

I know my DS for one has asked me to play with him more. At least DH is a big kid so he gets to play quite a bit with his Daddy. And our fab babysitter came round the other day just to have a snow-ball fight with them !
Also he plays all sorts with his sister all day long

Call it delegation !

I don't think that parenting is a job that can ever be done well. It's like being an England selector (for anything - rugby, football, cricket). Parenting is a job that can only be done with varying degrees of incompetence. I was very incompetent with DD and marginally less so with DS.

My parents hardly ever played with me. I remember the toys I had but I always remember being alone as my cousins close in age were involved in a bitter divorce battle which meant no access to my grandparents and my closest sibling in age was 17 years my senior. I remember talking lots and watching lots of TV and I think I turned out alright!

I hear so much in the media and on parenting forums and I think it's just mushed my brain slightly into thinking I need to be this Stepford wife when in reality not so little me will do just fine.

I was up all night (insomnia) so that's great for my parenting skills . I have managed to make scrambled eggs on toast, change nappies and get the girls into clean clothes though. ACHIEVEMENTS.

If you have happy children, who are kind, good company and know how to have fun! Just have confidence in yourself that you are doing a good job, then they feel secure and don't compare with other parents.
Just been away with DC's, Ex, Ex parents & Ex's oldest son and the 3 kids just got on a treat, must be doing something right! Had a lovely warm feeling when ex's son (12) took charge of my dd who is 2. :o

i kissed my dd hundreds of times in one go... little pecky kisses and she said..

Mum! What Are you doing?

Filling you up with love...

Oh but thats silly, i'm already full

{Bliss}

I think a good parent is someone who feels like shit when they've been a 'bad parent.' Then thinks about it, adapts and tries to make things better. Someone who wants their child to be happy, well rounded and confident to live life, but doesn't always know how to teach it . . .

Its about knowing parenting is 50% about the sort of person you are and 50% the sort of person your child is.

I am not sure "parenting" as a verb existed before the 1980's - previous generations mostly had double the children and half the resources that we have today and just "brought us up" - without the library of manuals, army of experts etc seems to have been good enough. A recent thread asking about happiest childhood memories or what you thank your parents for (cant remember title exactly?) had very similar responses - all about freedom, long days playing outside with friends, encouraging reading etc - all of which are activities quite remote from the intense experience "parenting" is supposed to be today.

I have seen some people in my work who are spectacularly bad parents, whose behaviour towards their dc's would make your toes curl, and the children still love and want to be with them because they're their mum and dad .

As some wise owl up thread said if you are putting their needs above your own you're doing fine. Children (give or take a tiny few anomolies) do very well with consistency, food, sleep, love, being listened to and having an adult put boundaries in place. If you tick the majority of those boxes daily they'll love you forever.

Actually, I think part of being a good parent is making sure your OWN needs are being met. Needs for decent food, friendship, whatever floats your boat. I don't mean that you shouldn't meet your children's needs but sometimes it's okay to focus on yourself as well. Otherwise you run the risk of burnout and then you won't be able to be a good Mum.

BiWinning , I'd say you are doing an excellent job, just keep it up/