Is 2 children twice as hard as 1?

[Hayls]

I think this has been done before but I can't find it. At the moment we have 2 yo dd and still find it really hard work- still tiring and stressful but obviously worth it. We would love to have another but I'm pretty scared that it would be even harder and we would be unable to cope. TBH, the first year put our relationship through huge strain because we were so tired and stressed (dd was still waking 4 or 5 times a night at 12months) but we are as strong and happy as ever now and I don't want to risk it happening again At the same time I can't wait to get to this stage with baby no.2 as it's brilliant! I don't want to have a huge age gap and time is getting on...
Any advice/experiences much appreciated

Hayls - I have been reading this thread with interest as dd1 is nearly 16 months and dd2 is due in 6 days. Bit late for me to back out if mners think it is going to be too hard.

I've resigned myself that it is going to be really hard for the first year - but hopefully will get better when they get older. Luckily, dd1 will be ging to nursery 3 times a week - so I only will have to deal with both of them on 2 days as dp will be home at weekends.

Best of luck with any new additions.

Oh yes - pregnancies have been pretty similar - good thankfully. Just hope my delivery of dd2 will be more straightforward.

i have a 18 mth age gap between my two and they get on brilliantly and i remember thinking oh my god what am i doing when no 2 was nearly born but no2 just slotted in with us more than the other way around and she would sit and happily watch her big brother for hours and he adored her and was always very helpful but he st ill is so i guess its also a personality trait as well? i personally think its better as theyve got each other to play with when youre getting on with other things and dont keep asking for your atention as much .. i often look at them as theyre dawdling up the road together chattering away like an old married couple and think how lucky we are that theyve got each other and they have been asking about a baby [ but thats another story] i child mind now and they love looking after little ones and ask when there wil another baby that we can look after so they obviously dont feel put out by the idea...i would in your shoes go for it and think what the hell ..lets see what happens.. itll be fun and twice the fun at that, and of course there will be days when you think what the hell have i done when theyre arguing but it all balances out in the end

The spanish have a saying - every baby brings its own love. It's true - I didn't think I'd ever be able to love anything as much as my first baby but I did, without taking anything away for my feelings for my ds.

you'll probably get a different response depending on the individual experiences..I think it depends also on the kind of support you have...I ahd a very challenging and demanding dd1, so it never even occured to me to have another one until she was about 3!
They have 3.5 year gap and it has been fantastic as at 3.5 she was not as demanding and needy of attention as she was at 2 for example. also I have no family nearby and dh is never home before the kids bedtime, so I knew I ahd to do everything by myself and that's why I waited. I also wanted to be able to enjoy the second baby, so having dd1 at nursery for a few hours was a must, and at her age she needed nursery as much as I did. And it's worked out perfectly for us!

Nailpolish, you brought a tear to my eye!! I pictured dd doing that and I just knew how she would react...think she would be delighted. We were talking about a baby the other day and asked her and she replied 'a pink one' lol.

Ok I need a baby NOW

Hayls, good luck

Yes that magical feeling happens, infact it's the best feeling in the world isn't it, meeting t=your baby?
My dd1 was 4 3 days after i gave Birth to dd2. I find it's more work because dd1 was just getting quite independant at that age and dd2 is very cuddly all the time. The way they look at each other though melts my heart. DD2's face just beams when we get dd1 from School.
Twice the love+

webmum, I know what you mean. I have no support nearby other than friends who we swop babysitting duties with so I know we could at least have the odd night out. In an emergency though I know that friends would rally round and help out (as they have in the past when dh and I have both been ill). Dh works reasonable hours so he's home for dinner/bath/bed most nights and our families visit whenever they can, which helps.

My boys are 2.6 and 6 months and it isn't twice the work, it's obviously more but not twice as much. I found that ds2 was easier to care for as I'd already done it before and it came back pretty quickly and I knew if he cried if I was doing something else it wouldn't kill him to wait for a bit, whereas I always went to ds1 straight away. Also, ds2 fitted in with pretty quickly as we didn't fit in around him as we had with ds1. I think the biggest jump is from none to 1, as that completely changes your life, when the others come along you're already a parent.

kate100, i find that too, i'm much less stressed with dd2. I especially find when she's chocking on food, with dd 1 i would scream, SHE'S CHOCKING, with dd2 i calmly say, 'spit it out Darling'

Having 2 kids was the toughest learning curve. When I had dd3 & then ds4 it wasn't as tough as when I went from one dd to two!! Thing is that I've been at the difficult little age time since 2000!!

Forgot to add, ds1 adores ds2, he is always saying he is looking after his 'big' brother, he's confused as people always say what a big baby ds2 is He also made the arrival of his brither memorable in his own way, dh brought him the hospital and the moment went like this,
DH - This is your baby brother Ben
DS1 and Bill?
And he started looking around for another baby, he was dissappointed not to find the elusive Bill.

Our gap will be nearly 6 years - baby due April. Hopeing it will makes things easier at leats tobegin with. We didn't plan it, intended to just have the one! But dd is v excited. Imagine it will get harder at some point but not physically as hard as having 2 toddlers.

I haven't read the thread, just the OP - I think 2 is much more than twice as hard - in fact I can't remember why I found one hard! The idea of being able to feed the baby when baby wanted, just bundle them up into a car seat without older sibling taking their shoes off, hiding them, throwing a tantrum - the time to focus on the baby and wander round shops/museums etc.

Am pg with third - and hoping desperately it is not 3 times as hard!!!!

harder to have one then two
harder with 3 then 1/2 !!
especially all 3 being girls

Haven't read any of the other messages but nooooooo, having two is fab!! DD is 3 and DS is 14 months and for the last few months they have started playing with each other and its sooooo lovely!! Its so much more fun, and a bit more organisation on my part (which I don't mind).

Last night they had a shower together and just sat in the shower playing and giggling for the best part of 20 minutes. Soooo sweet!

Yes, it is hard work, but I don't think its much harder than 1. In fact, and I don't know if this will make sense, but when I had 1 I used to make it harder than it could have been by sometimes taking too much notice of situations iyswim (probably not!).

x

I have a four year gap between each of my three and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I was fairly ill with pregnancy sickness with my two youngest (both girls, not so bad with my son) and I couldn't have coped with a baby and a toddler while throwing up. By the time I had no 3 my son was at school and older daughter at nursery.
Also the thought of a double buggy is a bit offputting.
Definitely found it harder going from two children to three, than from one to two.
On a different topic why does Mumsnet refer to sons, daughters, husbands etc as ds, dd and dh, why not s, d and h?

I have a four year gap between each of my three and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I was fairly ill with pregnancy sickness with my two youngest (both girls, not so bad with my son) and I couldn't have coped with a baby and a toddler while throwing up. By the time I had no 3 my son was at school and older daughter at nursery.
Also the thought of a double buggy is a bit offputting.
Definitely found it harder going from two children to three, than from one to two.
On a different topic why does Mumsnet refer to sons, daughters, husbands etc as ds, dd and dh, why not s, d and h?

Obviously it's harder work with 2 than 1 in the beginning, but when they get a bit older it actually gets much easier. My 2 dss's 4 and 7 play really well together. It's harder work for me now to look after one on his own than to have them both together, as they entertain each other when they are together.

we had 3 in the space of 2 years! can't say it was all plain-sailing but i wouldn't swap em for the world and cos they're all roughly the same age they're more like triplets and they really look after each other-except when they're fighting!

Haven't read the thread at all but...

It's a GAZILLION times harder. Bad day with my two.

tartanteddy - i have 3 and have 4 year gaps between them . i find it harder with 3 then 2 but i found it easier to have 2 then 1 ? iyswim.
dd= darling/dear daughter i think ?

My ds and dd are 15 months apart (to the day). It was really hard work at the start and I'm not saying it's easy now, as thee will always be hard times, but they play together all day and are mostly really sweet together. In fact, I'm really worried about when ds starts schoold in September as I don't know what dd will do all day without him! (probably nag me all day and I'll get nothing done!)

My boys are 2 years apart so I did the double buggy double nappy thing.The first year with 2 was the hardest of my life, but it just gets easier from then on. Now 10 and 8 they are best friends and companions. Friends and family with only children have it much harder as there is greater pressure to find playmates. You can only entertain a child yourself so much, they crave the company of other children.

My boys are 2 years apart so I did the double buggy double nappy thing.The first year with 2 was the hardest of my life, but it just gets easier from then on. Now 10 and 8 they are best friends and companions. Friends and family with only children have it much harder as there is greater pressure to find playmates. You can only entertain a child yourself so much, they crave the company of other children.