Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Is 2 children twice as hard as 1?

100 replies

Hayls · 20/01/2006 17:25

I think this has been done before but I can't find it. At the moment we have 2 yo dd and still find it really hard work- still tiring and stressful but obviously worth it. We would love to have another but I'm pretty scared that it would be even harder and we would be unable to cope. TBH, the first year put our relationship through huge strain because we were so tired and stressed (dd was still waking 4 or 5 times a night at 12months) but we are as strong and happy as ever now and I don't want to risk it happening again At the same time I can't wait to get to this stage with baby no.2 as it's brilliant! I don't want to have a huge age gap and time is getting on...
Any advice/experiences much appreciated

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
expatinscotland · 20/01/2006 17:28

yes

i have 2 dd's -age 2.6 and 6 weeks.

Dinosaur · 20/01/2006 17:30

It is harder, but not twice as hard. And having three is not three times as hard. I have three, aged 6.5, 4.5 and 1.5.

Once they get big enough to play with each other, it's great. They entertain themselves and you can sit on the sofa with a magazine. No, you can catch up with the housework and the washing.

gomez · 20/01/2006 17:30

I didn't think so but then we have a 4 year gap which is a vey different propostition indeed. Everyone is different and I am sure it very much depends on the individual children involved too.

Good luck

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
WideWebWitch · 20/01/2006 17:35

I'm useless at giving advice on this because I have a 6yr gap and it's great, he's a sweetie with her, she's my last baby and it's not as hard second time round. I think 2 children are harder with a small gap tbh, my sister has a 2 yr gap and is finding it v hard.

Kidstrack2 · 20/01/2006 17:38

Yes I can see your point, but babies being babies will be awake at night and cause strains, but I would put it like more changes than strains on you relationship, if its what you both want, then you both need to be strong and parent together so that you can support each other so that you are both strong when the baby comes along. Of course its slightly harder with 2, but as you said in the first year it can be hard and takes a bit of getting used to the changes in your relationship but on the plus side you have been through it and you now know what its like and you would be prepared for what was to come. I have a 4yr age gap between my two, we planned a 3yr gap but took slightly longer then expected. I didn't think it was that much harder because I was looking forward to having another and ds was at nursery for a few hours in the morning which gave me time with the baby. Now they are 6 and 2 and when I see them playing and fighting I know its been worth all the planning. Ultimately you need to decide what would be best for you and your family!

Enid · 20/01/2006 17:39

more than twice the work

but fun

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 20/01/2006 17:39

Yes!

Although i had mine quite close together so both were in nappies and waking in the night etc (actually the both still wake frequently) The double buggy was hard work, and i never got a moments peace to myself. Infact I can barely remember any of it, its like a blur although i distinctly remember thinking to myself 'never again'

But

Now they are 3 and nearly 2 and atm are playing together whilst I am on MN. They kee each other amused, they are funny to watch and they love each other. They fight, they wake each other up and its double the washing, and work (getting them cleaned dressed etc) Its getting easier though. Ds1 is at nursery in the afternoons so i get time with ds2 which is lovely.

So hard work but worth it i think

Twigzilla · 20/01/2006 17:40

no

its twice as easy

Nemo1977 · 20/01/2006 17:40

I think it is hard but not horrendous otherwise why would soo many of us do it? Part of it that I found easier is that I am still in baby/toddler mode so its not as much of a difference. I have a 2.3yr old DS and a 5wk old DD.

LIZS · 20/01/2006 17:41

It is harder work with 2, especially if the elder one is significantly older as by then your life is dictated by playgroup/school runs to an extent so lo has to fit around it. But then again it is also nice to have some sense of structure to the day without having to make it for yourself, iyswim. I had 3 yrs 5 months between mine and it helped that ds could do things independently, was at preschool and could , to an extent , be reasoned with and trusted. you also get used to havign a chidl of a crtain age so goign back to the beginning can be a shock. I do now think, though, for the first 6 months we didn't really focus as much attention on ds as I would have liked and we didn't get to enjoy him at that age in the same way as we did dd, but that I suppose happens at whatever age you produce a sibling.

Kidstrack2 · 20/01/2006 17:42

Talk of this makes me think I want another! DP WHERE ARE U? lol

serenity · 20/01/2006 17:42

no (sorry to disagree)

It's not so much of a shock, you know what to expect. The first few months are difficult, juggling things and get back to some kind of routine (using that word very loosely!) It will be harder in some ways, but definitely not twice as hard.

I found it impossible to do anything when I had DS1, couldn't understand where people found the time to cook homemade babyfood, we only had dinner when he was asleep, often at 10pm. DS1 had just started getting easier when DS2 was born, he was more independant, we had family meals, he could amuse himself for short spells. I was terrified we would descend back into the chaos but it didn't work like that. We'd already adjusted our lives from young, free and single to those of parents, there wasn't much else we could do. DS2 fitted in with us and DS1 instead.

I do see where you are coming from though, I got pg with DS2 when DS1 was being a very difficult 18mth old, and it all seemed like work with no rewards (I cried). By the time DS2 was born DS1 was like a different child. They really do grow up fast at this age.

lockets · 20/01/2006 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kelly1978 · 20/01/2006 17:46

I think it is quite hard work. Compared to one where you can jsut concetrate on them, to trying to juggle two or mroe, it is a big leap. But since you already have one, it is easier to cope with and less stressful than when the first one comes along. I have four and I'm currently tearing my hair out trying to sort out two sets of meals, and get four kids ready for bed! i'd lvoe to go back to one for a day!

Mercy · 20/01/2006 17:46

Agree with Enid - it's definitely more than twice the work, but only at certain stages, and it is worth it. If you can possibly wait until dd is at playgroup/nursery school it will be easier. And you will cope.........eventually!

foxinsocks · 20/01/2006 17:47

it's so much easier when they are older

my two play together for hours now - it's fantastic

the second one tends to fit in around the first and in a year's time, your eldest will be off at nursery/pre-school and you'll have time with no.2 on your own! It will probably be hard work for a while and then you'll get into a routine and you'll love it.

Kidstrack2 · 20/01/2006 17:47

lockets my mum had my brother age3 me 14m and a newborn!

TeddyRobinson · 20/01/2006 17:49

It's hard to say isn't it because we all only go down one road. I have 3 boys under 5 and it's bloody hard. I would imagine a whole lot harder work than having one child under 5 but then I've never really had just one under 5 so I don't know!

There are benefits adn drawbacks to all scenarios aren't there, plus, what suits one doesn't suit another. Difficult to advise you.

I suppose if you are finding one hard atm I wouldn't suggest having 3 close together like I did!

Original poster
Hayls · 20/01/2006 17:50

Mixed opinions then! Dd is already at nursery 2 days a week when I'm at work so I do get a bit of me time but it's never enough
I just feel that it's a battle between my heart and my head as I want another NOW but sensible side is saying, now hang on a minute, remember what it was like? Although I suppose I wouldn't be as neurotic and paranoid second time round and would definitely sort sleeping out earlier... (it was actually easy peasy to do it in the end)
I feel guilty for whinging about coping with one!

OP posts:
TeddyRobinson · 20/01/2006 17:50

I had 3 of 3 and under at one point (3.5, 1.9 and newborn). Was Ok at that point tbh as a newborn is pretty easy I find. It's when they start moving it gets hairy!

Original poster
Hayls · 20/01/2006 17:51

Oh and I don't actually find it hard, just tiring and there's such a huge whoosh of responsibility hanging over me...

OP posts:
TeddyRobinson · 20/01/2006 17:51

If it helps, I think subsequent babies are usually easier than the first. Even if they don't sleep better, perhaps you just find it easier to cope because you know what you are doing?? Not sure as all mine slept through from early on. Hmm, not much help am I?!

Aloha · 20/01/2006 17:53

I'd say less than twice the work. Not as easy, but then having one isn't really easy because you have never done it before. I found the beginning really easy and lovely, it is trickier now that dd is crawling everywhere and grabbing ds's drawings and jigsaws and sometimes finding a bit of mental peace is impossible. I would really recommend a 3yr age gap to reduce work - you might only then have one lot of nappies, one buggy etc etc - and at least some childcare, even if it's morning only pre-school.
My dd is a bit of a PIA because she refuses to nap during the day and still wakes at night (at 11months) so it really makes life much harder. If she had a two hour afternoon nap and slept though I think it would actually be quite easy - esp as I work p/t from home and have two days of childcare at home.

onefootinthegravy · 20/01/2006 17:59

Hayls, I feel exactly the same.
I have one dd 2.11 and am contemplating another.
My dh is in the army and I am on my own a lot.
It was hard when I had dd but she is really good and has slept 12 hours a night since before the age of 1.
In a way I've been spoilt and worry I wont be as lucky again!!
We are happy, I look at her and think it was so worth it, but I'm 37 soon feel a bit old to do it again!!
The worst thought for me is leaving her alone when we've gone, I'd like to think she would have a brother or sister looking out for her.
Sorry to get morbid!!

Original poster
Hayls · 20/01/2006 18:04

Onefootinthegravy, that's exactly how I feel.. we're so far away from our families and dd loves having company. I also don't want to wait too long until I can go back to work 'properly' and get stuck in with a 'career' It's not something I want to do until I have no children under 5. I'm only 27 so have wuite a bit of time but I want to ge teverything sorted but at the same time I don't want to upset dd's little world too much.
I hope this makes sense. It feels like rambling!

OP posts: