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Original poster

Is 2 children twice as hard as 1?

100 replies

Hayls · 20/01/2006 17:25

I think this has been done before but I can't find it. At the moment we have 2 yo dd and still find it really hard work- still tiring and stressful but obviously worth it. We would love to have another but I'm pretty scared that it would be even harder and we would be unable to cope. TBH, the first year put our relationship through huge strain because we were so tired and stressed (dd was still waking 4 or 5 times a night at 12months) but we are as strong and happy as ever now and I don't want to risk it happening again At the same time I can't wait to get to this stage with baby no.2 as it's brilliant! I don't want to have a huge age gap and time is getting on...
Any advice/experiences much appreciated

OP posts:

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Hausfrau · 21/01/2006 13:17

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justadad · 21/01/2006 19:31

Whilst we were expecting our 2nd (with a 2 year gap) a colleague told me that having one was like owning a dog, having two is like running a zoo.

He was right.

Frizbetheexpansionset · 21/01/2006 19:41

Hmm justadad and hausfrau! I shall no doubt shortly see going from 1.5 (ss on alternate weekends!) to 2.5

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lockets · 21/01/2006 19:42

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justadad · 21/01/2006 19:57

Thinking about it, it's more like running a big game reserve given the size of our two - complete with feeding migrations, heards of wildebeast roaming majestically across the lounge floor and there are definitely crocodiles in the bath given how soaked I ended up tonight.

PeachyClair · 21/01/2006 20:19

I don't think two is that bad actually, yuou have two hands to hold, presuming the presence of a DP/DH then you have two laps to cuddle on, two sides to snuggle up to in bed etc etc etc.

The washing does seem to treble tho, why is that?

Now three is another matter, never enough hands/laps/bed space.

PeachyClair · 21/01/2006 20:21

Oh sorry, the age gaps are:

ds1-2, 13.5 months

Ds2-3, 2.5 years

First age gap easier in many ways, still geared up ofr babies.

Am planning another one day, but not until i graduate and qualify, so probably 5 years time! 11 years between first and last. That will hurt.

Clary · 21/01/2006 20:49

I thought baby no 2 was much easier - she was an easy baby but also I was left wondering what I did all day with just ds1.
Fed her, down for a nap, when she woke her brother entertained her!
Agree in fact with Serenity and others, you already are in baby mode so it's not such a shock. It's not liek you suddenly have to give up on nights out at the drop of a hat and late lie-ins - you already did that!
More work, without a doubt, but I find the rewards of more than one child well worth it.
I know lots of people on MN have just one and are very happy. Equally I am so delighted that I have three. (like Teddyrobinson, I had 3 under 4. It was great tho!)
Hayls you have to decide what you want. And then go for it and never mind what others say. If you decide you want to stop at one, please don't let anyone tell you that it's not fair on them. It's your decision!

zippy539 · 21/01/2006 21:15

I have a 23 month age gap and think that the difficulty level changes at different stages.

When dd (no 2) was a tiny baby it wasn't harder at all because we knew what we were doing and she pretty much slept all of the time.

When dd became more demanding at around 1, it got a lot harder as I was trying to juggle both of their conflicting demands and no one wanted to get dressed, brush teeth, eat meals, go to bed. That was a nightmare and I was a piece of string.

Now, when dd is 2.5 and ds is four it is becoming easier every day. They keep each other entertained for ages and get on really well together - it's actually less demanding than having one child who wants you to keep them company all the time.

cat64 · 21/01/2006 21:21

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Mirage · 21/01/2006 21:35

Yes,mine are currently 29 months & 7 months & it is just staring to get easier now.The first 6 months were sheer hell,not helped by us moving into a semi derelict house when dd2 was 3 wks old.

DD1 was a very very easy baby,slept through at 9 wks & until her 2nd birthday,only ever got us out of bed at night once,& that was when she was poorly.However,dd2 was a normal baby who woke up at night,cried continually during the day & never seemed happy.I didn't know what had hit me-I'd been so spoilt with dd1.

BUT,they adore each other & it was worth that awful 6 months when I see them playing with each other.They share a room now & DD1 is the 1st thing DD2 looks for in the morning.DD1 showed DD2 how to brush her teeth tonight & was so proud to be able to do it!

morningpaper · 21/01/2006 21:42

It's twice as much LURV!

We have a three year gap and so far (no 2 is 3 months) it has worked out really well and gone really smoothly. I have to be twice as organised but it is not twice as stressful AT ALL and they already provide company and entertainment for each other.

However, if the sleep issue is a big thing for you then I can't offer any advice - mine have both been (what other people consider to be) shit sleepers - to be honest I don't expect to have a night's uninterupted sleep for a good 18 months or so. That's just part of having a baby in my opinion so I'm not going to fight it.

OzJo · 22/01/2006 09:25

Really worried about how hard 2 would be, now have Dd nearly 3, Ds 7 months. I had visions of non stop horror, how would I decide which offspring to tend to etc.....It was much easier than I had predicted....there can be times of horror, when they both need something, but it is over very quickly, ie, half hour ( for me anyway), I tend to sort out the older one, as it's easier, then deal with no2. Also our youngest has had to fit in with the routine we've got set up for his older sister. One of the hardest things I found first time round was knowing what to do/ get any kind of routine together.
Ds sleeps miles better, don't know if that's luck/ he's a boy/ we don't jump every time he wimpers.....but Dd was up at least twice a night till she was 18 months...Ds is sleeping nearly through at 7 months...
Good luck.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 22/01/2006 20:13

I like the dog and zoo comments. very true for me. I hadn't quite thought of it in those terms but dd2 made me feel like this family lark was for real, as soon as I had her the last two years with just dd1 felt as if we'd just been pretending. they felt like a bit of a dress rehearsal. bizarre I know - coz it's patently untrue but it did feel like it.

hunkermunker · 22/01/2006 20:32

Well, so far...as a mum of two for the grand sum of four days...I'm loving it! I don't feel qualified to comment on whether it's twice as hard yet though!

madmarchhare · 22/01/2006 20:43

MIL had 4 under 5 and says she cant remember it being hard work. I think they took away her brain. That cant be right can it?

crazydazy · 22/01/2006 20:45

Its harder....to get a babysitter when you have 2.

Glad I have 2 though even though they fight like mad when we are in the house, when we are out they stick together and stand up for each other no matter what.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 22/01/2006 20:50

madmarchhare - maybe it was the cooking, cleaning, daily shopping that was hard work and not the kids? she must have chucked them all out to play in the street and left the 5 year old in cahrge of nappy changing. Things were probably simpler before they invented tumble tots and jo jingles

Bugsy2 · 22/01/2006 21:02

Depends on so many things Hayls. I think that the first couple of months with two are really tough. All of a sudden you are in the minority and frequently there are two tiny people requiring your attention. If you have a supportive dh/dp who works reasonable hours, then it is not so bad - or if you have a helpful relative around. If you don't have either then you may find it hard going.
Or, you may have a wonderfully easy baby and a calm, relaxed toddler & it could all be a walk in the park. The problem is, you don't know any of this until you actually have your second baby!!!

OzJo · 23/01/2006 07:47

madmarchhare......She HAS to be lying..

satine · 23/01/2006 08:39

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread but I think the second is much easier. The first just turns your whole world upside down and everything changes - with the second, you know what to expect and we found we were much more relaxed. Plus my two are really starting to play together now, which is just so fabulous. My neighbour has 4 and says that each one was easier than the last and now they are like a little pack who just come to her when they want food!!
I have also noticed that my two play together in a way that a child and an adult wouldn't.

nailpolish · 23/01/2006 08:58

i think the 2nd baby is easier, but having the 2 of them together is 10 times as hard.

my 2 are 2 years apart

nailpolish · 23/01/2006 09:00

i cant wait til they play together, they are 3 and 1 just now, and both still look to me for everything, including someone to play with. i think ill be easier when they are older (or i hope! i can barely cope sometimes)

Original poster

Hayls · 23/01/2006 09:00

This is all great, thank you. We have decided to definitely go fot it. After all, we stepped into the unknown when we had dd and coped OK and I feel a lot more prepared this time. TBH, dd is actually pretty easy going and sleeps like a dream now. I suspect that it's other things going on in our lives that have made it feel difficult (buying/selling houses, redundancy etc etc)rather than just being a parent and as these things will not be an issue if/when baby arrives I'll feel more confident. Although I suppose other factors could come into play!

As for me and dh, I know we came through it with dd and can do it again. Knowing what to expect means I hopefully won't analyse things too much (i.e he moaned about my nagging meaning he doesn't love me any more )

Anyway cheers for all experiences and comments. It's been really good to talk everything through and think about it carefully and I'm glad I came to the conclusion I wanted. And I'm glad to see that even those of you who say it is harder agree that it's lovely as well!

One last question- how different is pg second time round? DOes that instant rush when you meet your baby happen EVERY time you give birth? I can't imagine ever feeling like that again and would hate not to feel it next (hopefully) time

OP posts:

nailpolish · 23/01/2006 09:10

yes hayls, you will feel that brilliant feeling you had when you gave birth the first time, with no. 2

and when you first born sees your 2nd its a feeling you cant describe, when my dd1 saw her little sister for the 1st time i felt like i was going to explode with happiness seeing them together

and my 2 pg's were pretty much the same

hth

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