Things you used to be smug about, then realised your mistake when a new baby proved you were just lucky!

[perceptionreality]

My older two children, from babies slept and slept through every illness and ear infection without needing calpol or anything much before returning to their normal selves. Why on earth did people buy these over the counter medications, my dh and I used to say? Why does anyone need them?

After I had dd3 I quickly woke up to the fact that people buy these things because for some children, a slight sniffle is red rag to a bull! And that they represent the only hope of a wink of sleep for you and said child.

DC1 5 hour natural labour, slept through at 6 weeks, social, started school brilliantly, did extremely well through the school years..everyone compliments my parenting..I was uber smug
DC2 awful labour with epidural, didn't sleep thru til over 2, showed no interest in learning - I don't get as many compliments but I know I work much,much harder.

shezzle Any thoughts on what DC3 may bring or is it just a game of chance??? I really hope The Reflux doesn't rear it's ugly head again I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy ever.

My 2 both had it so I suppose there is a link. You never know though. At least you would know what to expect if it does happen again.

Shezzle, dp is getting broody but I shudder at going through what felt like hell all over again with the reflux, it is amazing where vomit lands, once I was trying to wind ds over my shoulder and he proceeded to be sick all down my back and as my jeans were gaping slightly as I was sitting it formed a huge vomit pool in my, well let's just say I had a rather soggy bottom! It scares me the thought of doing it all again and being the age I am, although I am a young 41...ahem.

And Shezzle I hope your DC3 is reflux free!

DS1 slept through at 6 weeks, learnt to speak at the usual time, but became fluent quickly and was very socially confident, ate everything. I was very smug

DS2, delayed speech and as a result, social skills. Is fine now, but had SALT.

DS3, the fussiest eater in our house.

MoChan: I have to admit to being tearfully, heartbrokenly resentful of people whose babies would actually sleep/be quiet. I didn't mind so much that they had it easy; what drove me UP THE WALL was that I could clearly see that they thought it was to do with their superior parent-skills, and that I was just not doing the right thing.

I have wished for a 'like' button for the first time ever reading your comment.

That is how I felt with DS to a T.

He is nearly 6 now, and has slept through reasonably reliably since he was 5.

But DCs 2 &3, while not operating on quite his scale, mean that I am still one of the biscuit-gorging sleep-deprived wrecks described on this thread

Ah, NightLark, I apologise for feeling glad that it wasn't just me.

Under the circumstances, I can't believe I am even CONSIDERING trying for a second.

I know what they say. I know that the second is supposed to be different. But I feel doomingly sure that I will end up with the SAME KETTLE OF FISH.

I should add, that DD is a delight (albeit still an energetic and exhausting one) these days (aged 4.5) and I can now see why she was such a handful as a baby: she was too busy to sleep, even then.

This thread is making me feel so much better. I find DS (DC1) hard work and often cry, feeling like a crap mum. Maybe it's not me but him?

At 4 months we have:

• Reflux
• waking every 2 hours most nights. Sometimes more
• Velcro baby during the day - DH can't understand why I don't "do more" during the day

That's it really: reflux, velcro baby = very tired and upset mum who feels like a failure.

Still want Dc2 in a couple of years time though!

My first DD BF'd like a trooper was literally never off the boob and never slept during the day - I literally walked laps of our small village resulting in a 20min sleep. However she was v chilled loved watching DVDs mooching around and was brilliant at eating out - she also loved her food and my inlaws used to laugh at her as a baby tucking into sardines and toast.
DS is a brilliant daytime sleeper even at 21 months he is still taking mammoth 3 hour sleeps in his cot (DD1 never slept in a cot daytime). However he is a whirlwind and literally never sits down - eating out is erm...challenging?. He also hardly eats a bite of anything remotely nutritious!!.
Both aren't great night time sleepers (well they are brilliant as soon as they get into our bed!.
It amazes me how different children can be!.

Nothing!!!

I'll qualilfy it by saying I was terrified of everything going wrong and it turned out it wasn't as bad as I thought it could be.
(well except for the teenage years but that is not the point of this thread!!)

Bartiimaeus don't feel like a failure, a baby with reflux is so difficult, I wish some of the baby magazines I read throughout my pregnancy could have prepared me for the nightmare of it, it took what seemed like hours for ds to drink the smallest amount of milk and within minutes it reappeared in full force, I wish I could have my time again and see the light at the end of the tunnel, it will get easier

Dare I say that parents of only children should read this thread as it's living proof that we feeble mothers have no influence whatsoever on our children's sleeping and eating habits.

Game of 2 halves here...

DC1 as a baby - velcro, screamy, possety, non-sleepy, non-put-downy, nightmare.

DC2 as baby - placid little soul, content to coo in Moses basket/baby nest/bouncer, only woke at night to feed.

DC1 as toddler/child - well-behaved, says lovely things, keen to help, thoughtful, considerate, shares nicely.

DC2 as toddler - destructive, loud, angry, wall-drawing, toy-snatching, tantrummy, "no don't like it" - ing, ADORABLE little sod.

Smum99: DC2 awful labour with epidural, didn't sleep thru til over 2, showed no interest in learning - I don't get as many compliments but I know I work much,much harder.

You've hit the nail on the head with that comment. DD was a difficult toddler in all sorts of ways - to take one example, if you turned your head while you were out shopping, she'd be at the other end of the shop before you could say "Jack Robinson". But I was working hard, hard, hard all the time with her, while the mums who had beautifully behaved, docile children were getting all the credit. That's how it felt anyway. I felt as if everyone thought I was doing a bad job whereas I thought I was doing a very good job under extremely difficult circumstances!

I wasn't smug after having dd because she was so much harder than my friends' babies- colic, didn't sleep through, liked to be held standing up ALL the time, refused to breastfeed anymore at 5 months, didn't eat solids til 13months.

But then I had ds, who screamed non stop, puked a lot, slept for only 20-45 mins at a time, had to be bounced around constantly just to get the screaming to a slightly lower level, screamed, didn't sleep, screamed, didn't sleep, screamed...

And I wished I had appreciated dd more because she was so so easy compared to ds, and was overall a very happy and smiley baby.

But only the other day I said how lucky I was that I could take my kids out for dinner and they'd behave beautifully, sit nicely, chat to people, not mind being out late. Saturday night we went out for dinner with a big group and all they did was whinge and whine their way through the entire meal. That knocked my only hope of smuggery right out of the water.

My first child never slept and was constantly ill, my 2nd child was lots easier and my 3rd child slept all the time for the first 3 months. I was happy to turn into that horrid smug parent I had always hated. ;)

Mo Han and night lark I had the worst baby she screamed and screamed wouldn't sleep woke fed and screamed . I hated every minute of the first 3 no maybe 6 months she was awful and your right everybody thought it was me I obviiously wasn't coping! Where as I really was coping amazing with the baby I have . I used to hope she would play up when we were out so people could see wasn't just me. The only smug moments I had were when friends angel babies would cry for one random day and they fell to pieces. I was like ha I have this every day!

She is now a beautiful one year old who is a clingy as Hel but I love her more than life itself. I am now smug as a good friend who thought I was just miserable is 4 weeks in and struggling .! But I could never be smug as I have had it so hard and the next DC what ever I get can only get better....... Please!!

I just waiting now for my friends with easy babies to have number two ha ha ha then I will relish in it, a crying baby really that must be hard !!!?? Ha ha ha ha. Evil I know

Upon complaining about my dcs poor sleep my friend commented that her ds was a fab sleeper because she was always so firm about naps and bedtime. I eagerly await the arrival of her dc2.

They were all non-sleepers compared to babies in the baby books and the placid babies of friends, with DD3 taking the biscuit, but then DD4 was the opposite, and the potential medical repercussions in the newborn days were alarming. All I wanted was a happy medium .

At least they were all consistent non-eaters though, so no creeping smugness or smug turning to shame there.

DD2's first words were 'I love you'. Sadly that only gave me hope that I would one day get it right if only I persisted.

I am guilty of being a smug mother first time round. Although DD1 didn't sleep very much, she was the most calm, good natured toddler ever. I must admit I used to look at toddlers having tantrums and think "Wow, what a good job I'm doing!"
Two years later I was that mum dragging my child through the supermarket screaming and crying (DD2 not me!) while other mums tutted disapprovingly! Serves me right!

Looksgoodingravy Yes the sick does get in the most awful places poor you!!!! This is horrid so look away now if anyone is at all queasy heh heh heh.... DD2 was around 5 months old and so poorly with the reflux, I kept reminding people to be careful after feeds, keep her upright etc and even my hubby and older DD1 would sometimes forget.... DD2 swung DD1 up slightly whilst playing, nothing too high for a normal baby but DD1 projectile vomited into DD2's mouth!!! Absolutely terrible, she has also thrown up all over hubby's head and shoulders, he was saturated. Funniest time was in Boots whilst having a mega scream, as you know reflux is VERY painful for babies, a lady tutted at me and turned away, DD2 with perfect timing projectiled all over the back of grumpy womans black leggings. It was hanging off her, I obviously didn't say a word evil I know

Just realised how horrible I sound- funniest time in boots...whilst poor baby was in pain didn't mean it like that obviously! You just have to laugh sometimes when having difficult times. It's quite interesting when the babies who were harder to cope with grow up, my DD2 is a fluent reader, years ahead of her class and has enabled me my one and only time(in private of course) to know what smug feels like!

DD slept through at 6 weeks, took text-book naps during the day, ate everything I put in front of her and I breast fed her for a year. I never understood why people complained all the time about not getting any sleep.

DS never napped, didn't sleep through until he was 3, refused most things we put in front of him and didn't give a toss if I gave him boob or a bottle. I understood all those poor sleep-deprived crazy ladies and apologised silently to them in my head.

ha ha ha - this is so funny and so true.

dc1 - I could never understand how anyone got things done - I was still living in a house of unpacked boxes (house move after birth of dc) a year on due to colicy none-sleeping child for the first year while they were swanning around baking cakes, having tidy houses etc etc.

dc2 - he slept. he ate. he didn't cry if I put him down on the floor to play. he didn't take 2 hours to feed every 2 hours. aaah (penny drops)- they had one of those babies the first time round.

dc3 - i thought all babies stopped eating when they were hungry and porky babies were result of parents feeding them waaay too much. now i know. dc3 will not stop eating, will steal food off anyone's plate within reach and will wail this awful heart rending cry when meal time is over. he is a porker and has no off switch!

I've only got one so far (DS, 7 months) but he has never merited the description of a 'difficult' baby - he sleeps well at night, only really complains when he needs something and will happily play on his own for a half hour at a time. Even at this stage I am extremely aware that we have done nothing to 'deserve' this and that it's a complete happy accident that he is the way he is! Whenever anyone praises something about him I take care to point this out (although people shrugging and saying, in essence, "I guess I'm lucky" is prob just as irritating as smugness, come to think of it).

We are currently expecting number 2 - I live in fear of having a hell-baby because surely lightning can't strike twice!! Although there's nothing to stop DS1's personality mutating either...