Things you used to be smug about, then realised your mistake when a new baby proved you were just lucky!

[perceptionreality]

My older two children, from babies slept and slept through every illness and ear infection without needing calpol or anything much before returning to their normal selves. Why on earth did people buy these over the counter medications, my dh and I used to say? Why does anyone need them?

After I had dd3 I quickly woke up to the fact that people buy these things because for some children, a slight sniffle is red rag to a bull! And that they represent the only hope of a wink of sleep for you and said child.

I used to be smug about the fact that I dressed head to toe in Joules and Boden. Then I joined MN, realised that I looked horrific and that the complimentary smiles I thought I was getting were actually evil smirks. Since then (three years ago) I have been in hiding. Even my shrink doesn't know how to track me down.

DS1 -slept like a dream, breast fed with ease, lovely sociable, polite and chatty little thing. Can entertain himself. People who didn't want children saw him and thought it might not be so bad etc..!

DS2- doesn't sleep, not really interested in breast-feeding, 'velcro' baby (hadn't heard that expression before, very apt!) but does eat anything put in front of him unlike DS1 who is a fussy eater!

I know many parents of one child who feel they have the perfect parenting thing cracked- if they don't have anymore they can always live in ignorant bliss! Like I did!

Sleep. I really believed that her sleep-through-the-nighting-from-9-weeks was at least in part the result of my work.

3 years on with second child and I'm still waiting for an unbroken night.

On the flip side, toileting - 2nd child has been a dream, dry day & night from before 2 (probably because he's up almost all the time) But this time I know it's nothing to do with my parenting and all to do with the child. Just jolly thankful.

Tantrums, emotions swinging from one extreme to the next in the flick of a switch. Whilst a toddler my dd would push and occasionally bite other toddlers. Didn't experience anything like this with ds1 & 2.

Haha this is great. Interesting too how different each baby can be.

DS was an utter swine from the word go, didn't sleep at night until he was 2 and a half, he had colic, awful teething, refused to go in his pram, and was generally the most hyper toddler you've ever seen. My heavily pregnant friend smugly announced her son would be nothing like mine. I enjoyed her recent visit when her now 18 month old ran around like a lunatic while she chased him red faced..while my 6 month old DD sat playing quietly

Oh crap, i wish i hadn't read this thread, DS1 was a lovely baby, not perfect, but slept through (11pm-7pm) from 8 weeks, fed well, not too much puke etc, wasn't a grumbler etc.
I was in such a state of shock i don't think i was ever smug, do you think i will be rewarded with another good baby? due July, and all i ever hear is dc1 good, dc2 horror!

Mine were the other way around.

First baby - never happy, cried a lot, hated everything, reacted very strongly to anything and everything she didn't agree with from about 6 months and was controlling about everything!

Second baby - chill!

my bf thought that 1. labour was a doddle (no drugs, baby popped out in 2 hours, no problems). 2. There is no good reason in the world to use a dummy. 3. who needs a routine?

The arrival of DC 2 involved an epidural and emergency surgery, extensive use of a dummy and a rigid routine to attempt to get any normality into her day - it was a boy though so what did she expect!

DS1 - angel baby in every way. Never had a tantrum.

DS2- arrived via Hell. Still throws mega tantrums almost daily and is 5.5 yrs old

The funny thing is, before you have kids, you genuinely believe it's all down to good parenting. You think, "If I prepare healthy food and give them a range of different flavours, they will be fine" or "If I give them lots of jigsaws and books and lego they won't want to watch tv." And then you are completely flummoxed when your child refuses to eat delicious avocado/scrambled eggs/whatever and just wants to eat chips. Or throws all the jigsaw pieces on the floor and insists on spending the next three hours watching tv.

The other thing you can't account for is your good intentions being sabotaged by other people, such as the granny who thinks it's a good idea to give your eight month old some chocolate cake, after which they refused to eat anything apart from chocolate cake.

I smugly believed that my DS was advanced with his speech ( full sentences before he was 2) because we read to him every night and never used baby talk.

Then DD arrived - we did everything the same but she is now 3.5 and is not even speaking as well as DS was when he was 2. She starts school in September and I still have to translate what she is saying so that people understand her . She still say's doo instead of you , boo instead of blue and every question starts with how ( how Daddy be home? How we have dinner? How you wearing dress?)

They both sleep like angels though ( still smug about that!)

When DS3 went through his biting other children stage any smugness I may have had with my other 2 sons went right out the window.

What gets me though is other people . . .

my 2 were both huge vomiters! All these people with babies and children whose kids hardly ever vomit saying to me
"oh last night was awful, dc was sick all over their bed"
"what all night?" I say,
"no just the once but it was so messy!"
. . . to someone whose 2 children were sick everywhere 8 times a day it's a tad annoying!

My first born was an excellent, deep sleeper because I was such a relaxed parent who casually let my child sleep wherever we were and never did any of that bedtime routine, keeping quiet nonsense.

My second born has never slept through in 4 years.

[comeuppance emoticon]

DC1 (DD) was much harder, she's lived life at full pelt from the start. Luckily I'd been around enough babies to not have many preconceptions of what it would be like so I didn't feel too shocked. DC2 (DS) was so much easier, breastfed beautifully, slept well (enjoyed co-sleeping!), went for nice daytime naps without hours of screaming, textbook weaning, he was amazing. I would have been incredibly smug if I'd had him first but I know it was just luck! It was only when I had him that I realised how much harder DD had been. He's 20m now and a cheeky little so-and-so though.

Lots of our friends don't have kids yet and I can sometimes see in their eyes that they're thinking 'oh, mine won't do that'. It's fair enough, I think if everyone knew how different it would actually be then it would terrify them!

Why anyone needed to buy waterproof mattress protectors? - DS1 never nappy leaked until he hit toddlerhood and gained the ability to stuff his hands down inside and wee out the top. DS2 leaks constantly around the legs despite trying all sorts of nappies (and we co-sleep - groan) so we are constantly washing sheets and mailing up beds in the middle of the night :(

well I only have 1 so far.

But I used to be vehemently anti-dummies, and thought that leaving a baby to cry for 5 minutes would tire them out enough to make them sleep . I also thought baby-led weaning would produce a champion eater. HA HA HA. I used to wonder at public tantrums ('how could the mother allow her child to behave like that?' thought I). I swore I'd never use chocolate as bribery.

2.4 years on and I am exhausted, have a toddler who tantrums at the flick of a switch (I am frequently to be found with him in the rugby ball hold under my arm, with a fixed grin on my face as I march him back to the car/house), refuses to eat unless he's in the right frame of mind (and there is no guarantee of when that will be), and who still has a dummy. Oh well.

I am currently crossing all fingers, toes, any appendages really, in the hope that DC2 when she arrives will be a bit less bloody awful! (I suspect she will be a sicky baby though, as we had none of that with DS, so it must be our turn now!)

My first and only born was a nightmare in ALMOST EVERY WAY. My DD was like some kind of alien changeling who actually didn't need sleep but needed near constant feeding and screamed SO LOUDLY it pierced one's brain. I went through months and months of catching an hour's sleep at a time.

I never had any opportunity to be smug. I have to admit to being tearfully, heartbrokenly resentful of people whose babies would actually sleep/be quiet. I didn't mind so much that they had it easy; what drove me UP THE WALL was that I could clearly see that they thought it was to do with their superior parent-skills, and that I was just not doing the right thing. The sense of INJUSTICE, when I was trying SOOOOOO hard, made me want to sob. I know I shouldn't care what other people thought, but I did.

I have to say, reading this thread is fairly therapeutic for me.

DS1&2 were perfect sleepers, would sleep in a cot alone whilst I read them a story and they would slowly doze off. DS1 you could put on a floor when tired and he would fall asleep!! My husband used to tell me that I must be doing everything so right, I assumed it was all down to my perfect and relaxed parenting.....

Then I had DD1 who had very very bad reflux.....

I had 2 under 2.

DD was happy to sit watching DS1 playing, so didn't really need to be entertained. She was also a good sleeper and a very efficient feeder, so breastfeeding a baby while also caring for an active toddler wasn't a big deal. This more-than-one-child-thing was a doddle!

Then I had 3 under 4.

DS2 is a rubbish sleeper, SCREAMS very loudly when not being given enough attention and is expert at getting into trouble as soon as my back is turned. He also went through a hitting phase whereas the other two were both very gentle towards other children.

Why why why did I think 3 was a good idea?!?

I had a friend who thought that her ds1 was a complaint easy peasy child because she followed Unconditional Parenting. I though suspected that Unconditional Parenting worked well because she had a complaint child.

Then her second ds was born . . .

I was right [trying not to be evil, smug and mean emoticon]

That my then 12mo DS slept like a trooper, ate like no tomorrow and would sit in one place - Buddha like - and benevolently smile at all passing by. I could eat, sleep, talk, walk and beam at all children. And be V.smug.
At 18months he had a personality transplant - he whines, throws food on the floor, does not stay still and fights against anything I wish to do (with him/for him).

I only have the one ds so have nothing to compare my experience with

Ds had colic AND reflux, we ended up using the top and tail bowl as a handy projectile vomit catcher (also trusty labrador when we weren't quick enough) he ended up in hospital as he wasn't gaining weight and at 3 months we were prescribed Gaviscon (bliss but 3 months?????) the baby days were horrendous, then followed the tantrums (ds had the loudest scream ever - FACT!!) it's only really within the last year that I feel I've really bonded with him and it makes me feel AWFUL but hearing your stories makes me feel sort of relieved that maybe I did my best and that it wasn't me doing it all wrong. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all doom and gloom, he potty trained sooo easily and talked so early but the hell of those baby days meant we didn't jump into having child no 2 and really now at the age of 41 it's probably getting a little late to be thinking of another (never say never though).

Can I therefore be slightly smug now, ds is now 5 and a lovely lovely boy, he seemed to have got all the angst out of his system, I love him so much my heart could burst!!

Oh God That Word...Reflux.
Our first DD1 was the dream baby and i was a very young parent only 18 (V Long Time Ago she is now 20) so felt pretty pleased with myself about that.
Left it 14 years before having next DD2 my god how different it can be!!!! Severe Reflux all the way to 20 months round the clock medication and many hospital trips, megalithic tantrums and OCD and haven't done anything different AT ALL. DD2 now 5.5 years lovely kind thoughtful bright child but very hard work- all the time. And now expecting DC3 as planned by us parental maniacs!!! Any thoughts on what DC3 may bring or is it just a game of chance??? I really hope The Reflux doesn't rear it's ugly head again I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy ever.

Looksgoodingravy- Definitely never say never, several friends having babies 40+ and you may have the pleasure of life without reflux second time around- so different! You really would have done your best, but when that kicks in there isn't much that can be done as I found out with DD2 and as you well know. It's amazing when reflux ends though isn't it!!!!