Ds prefers grandparents

[shelbel]

This might sound strange but whenever we visit dp's parents Ds (nearly 2) doesn't seem to acknowledge I exist - its the same if they come to us. He's not quite as bad with dp. I wouldn't feel so bad if i was at home with him all day but i work four days and sometimes if dp takes him to his parents on his day off with our son I will go straight there from work and again he seems indifferent to seeing me. I am pleased that he has such a good relationship with his grandparents in most ways and I know its probably because the time they spend with him is all playing and its not as often as the time he has with us but I am beginning to feel quite upset about it. I generally get on well with dp's parents but some of their ideas are different to ours and I kind of feel that if ds pushes me out it's harder to challenge things they might do differently. Has anyone had a similar experience or am I just being selfish?

I've had this with dd, she's nearly five and has always preferred my parents to me! I think it is because the time she spends with them is all fun and games and I know for a fact that she gets away with murder with them.
Last time my parents had her they brought her back home and I had to go and physically get her from the car because she was having a major tantrum because she didn't want to come home, she was smacking my mum for bringing her back and screaming "I want to live with yooooouuuuu" I just kept thinking if anyone could see this they'd think I was really awful to her!!
It used to bother me and I don't think you're being selfish at all, it can be really awful to think that your baby prefers someone else to you but try not to let it get to you, it's just someone different for them, someone who seems to be more fun!!

hth xx

Dont be upset shellbel, my dd is the same when my mum comes over (she does'nt want to know me or dh), she comes over once a week, dd even lets her cut her toe nails (she wont let me do this). I think its the fact that they are getting attention from someone else. I make the most of it, it gives me a chance to do a few things around the house without dd clinging to my leg.

I can understand perfectly where you're coming from as have been in similar situation. My DS seems to prefer my mother to me which used to upset me tremendously, especially considering she used to come round to see him and couldn't have cared less if I was there of not - and I'm her daughter? She would make it blatantly obvious by doing things like,

• coming round just before nap time and then be letting herself out the door as I was carrying DS upstairs for nap

• calling to say she thought she'd take DS to the park on her afternoon off, oh and thought she'd take my dog as well considering it was a nice day and .. "I suppose you could come if you must?"

• and the clincher ... I shouted at DS for doing something and he lay on the floor screaming, at which point she picked him up and said "oh it's ok darling, come to nanny, your mummy is just horrible to you all the time isn't she."

And I think that's part of it, Nanny is nice guy, whereas mummy is the one giving out the discipline. And when they're with grandparents they know that they can pretty much do what they want and there will be no consequences. But I know now that if DS hurt himself while at my mother's, or wasn't feeling well or anything like that, then it would be mummy he wanted, and that is enough for me. Mercifully I don't see my mother that much any more as she's changed jobs and doesn't have much time off during the week now, but when i do I just let her get on with it and then am glad when she's gone.

be pleased that he loves them so much, you can have a break!!

He will have had fun with his grandparents as they can give him his undivided attention whereas you have other things to do

I wouldn't be worried that your child seemed to prefer them!

I am sure there are lots of parents who can remember loving going to their nans house when they were younger, your Nan spoilt you! Much more fun then Mum!!!

Doesn't mean he doesn't love you