Back in the Zoo for new adventures with old friends

[CaptainNemo]

Come on over animals, I think we'll be very comfy here

Buddha that is awful . Like you say, I'm sure it was said in the heat of a very frustrated moment, but still a hurtful thing to say. Maybe once things have settled down broach the subject in a calm manner and make sure he knows how gutted you'd be if that was the end of trying for no.2. I spent a long time desperate for another baby while DP stubbornly refused to entertain the idea - I still get annoyed now that if he had just agreed in the first place I'd have a 6-12 month old by now and now we are where we are .

News is not great. Test this morning was bought recently so def not out of date - I'd just forgotten about it. I did a CBD and got "Pregnant 1-2" which means I am apparently between 3-4 weeks (should really be 5 weeks tomorrow/Tuesday) so HcG clearly not very high. Also did a standard CB and got a very, very faint line (fainter than the CB I did last Weds). Not long after I tested started spotting which is now on and off - very light and and brown but TBH I just have a 'feeling' that AF/MC is on the way . Any mild symptoms I had have not been present since Friday and I know it sounds strange but I got really bad skin last PG (usually have a v clear skin) and since last wknd skin was breaking out then on Thu/Fri last week it started clearing up. I know that may sound crazy but I noticed that with last PG my skin started to clear up at 17 weeks which is when baby died. AM so, so and have to go to London for work tomorrow so up at 5am, plus my parents are here as they are looking after E tomorrow so I am having to put on a brave face when all I want to do is curl up and cry.

Murray shit shit shit so so sorry that the news is not good it does look as if all the signs are pointing in the wrong direction wish I could do more than virtual support for you x x x

Thanks Buddha, virtual support much appreciated.

It still hasn't all kicked off. Had EWCM earlier which I had at end of last PG and should have realised then that all not well. It is as if my body knows it is no longer PG so starts trying to be fertile again but forgets to bloody expel the PG . I wish it would start on its own as I'd rather not pump my body full of drugs after all the work I've done with diet and acupuncture to get my body in tip top condition. Going to call EPU in the morning and ask if either they or my GP could do bloods - I almost guarantee I'll be told to just hang in there and wait but I am so not willing to be in this state of limbo for days/weeks. I just want to finish the process and try to move on. Had a few tears today despite best efforts - hopefully nobody noticed. Came home and had a bl00dy good blub. Off to read my book to take my mind off this shit.

murray so sorry things aren't looking too good I know the feeling well... I wish I was closer to give you an actual squishy cuddle but one of these {{{{{{{cuddle}}}}}}}} will have to suffice for now xxxx

Hope everyone is doing well

buddha DH and I have the same smack/no smack argument I say no he says yes. I think murrays suggestion of letting things cool is a good one so he can understand your point and realise how he upset you by saying what he said. Just an aside, growing up we're either you or DH hit in punishment? I was and DH wasn't so it would be interesting to see whether our differing upbringing affected our views IYSWIM

Murray Did you get your bloods done after?

I've decided to take a break for a couple of months, we've got a lot on our plate at the moment, especially as nursery sent a message through the in laws that they want us to contact local children's centre re his behaviour no support just a third party message I'm not happy about the way it's been done. They even said themselves it's the first hour that he's there after that he's fine.

Posted too soon
I contacted my friend who runs a children's centre away and when she visited this weekend she bought a DVD, workbook and note sheets round. We've read the sheets tonight, workbook and DVD to go (it's like homework) but I got myself v upset tonight as I feel we've let E down somewhere along the line can't ask mum for advice/info as her answer is smack. Yes Marbles I was hit a lot until quite old where as dh not so much so I think you've hit the nail in the head there. Also doesn't help when i have lost my temper and smacked E he's turned round and hit back saying don't hit me, which is right
Sorry for rambling but nowhere else to turn too

Buddha you poor thing, that sounds awful. I'm sure you haven't let E down at all, it can be so difficult sometimes. I had a nightmare with E hitting other children (only with me, never at nursery strangely) when he was 2-3 years but he has really turned a corner since his 3rd birthday and is such a lovely wee boy now. I also wondered if I'd somehow made him into a little sh!t but it was just a 'phase'. Hopefully your E is the same and will grow out of it. I also disagree with smacking although on 2 occasions (during the terrible 2s) I did smack his bottom but it was out of pure fury and frustration and it was exactly the wrong thing to do , I am not proud of myself but none of us is perfect, it can be a bl00dy hard job some days.

No need for bloods as it kicked off this morning properly. Feeling low but went to work to keep busy - had to leave my desk a few times to go for a cry in the loos. Doing ok, also thinking I'll give TTC a break, at least for a cycle to let me body recover. Am worried acpuncturuist will advise I wait 6 months (apparently that is the Chinese belief that you wait 6 months after a MC). Am hoping that because it was so early that rule does not apply - otherwise will have to stop going as there is no way I am waiting that long. I reckon one more go, 3rd time lucky - if it doesn't work then that is it for us, I can't go through this again. Does anyone know if there is any point contacting EPU now, do they need to check MC is complete afterwards or is there no point as it was so early ? I really thought we'd turned a corner and things were going right for us, gutted

Murray so sorry things have definitely gone wrong this time Once again you seem to be strong and sensible (not like me falling to bits ) my 3rd mc was at 5-6 wks and I just had a heavy af and gp said no further action required but it would be worth checking. Have a massive hug from me x

Meant to ask too - how long did the "phase" last with your E?

Hello animals. I cant believe how much has happened since I was last here, and pretty much none of it good
Murray I can't believe you're having to go through this after everything you've been through already. I think you're totally right to give yourself a break though, and as much as I know you don't want to wait for 6months, as I said to you before, that's how long it took me to properly sort myself out, both mentally and physically. What's the longest you think you could consider giving yourself as a break?

Marbles likewise, I just can't believe you're having to go through this yet again. Do you/they think it's down to the lupus? Just so sorry to hear its happened again

Buddha 'challenging' toddlers seem to be the order of the day at the moment

Bugger, screaming, better run, am in queue to see health visitor as M has sorr bottom! back later

Buddha the 'phase' with E lasted pretty much between his 2nd and 3rd birthdays - textbook terrible 2s ! I guess it was probably closer to 8-10 months. He is by no means perfect even now but he is sooo much easier. He is able to understand better about the consequences of his actions which he didn't a year ago. Good luck mrs, I'm sure you are doing a great job.

Nemo welcome back and well done posting while at HV ! I am not sure how long a break I'll take as I'm feeling way better today . I am not being flippant but it was a very early MC and much as it is still hard, it is nothing like it was last time when everyone knew and I actually had to deliver a baby. Both physically and emotionally this cannot be compared to last time so I don't think there is any need for a long break to recover. I emailed my acupuncturist and he reckons it may not be a MC... but a late period. I am not convinced, however am kind of viewing it that way as the line was never very dark and faded back to a shadow within days of being slightly more obvious. Also, my bad skin only last 4-5 days so I genuinely think that I was only PG for a matter of days. Anyway blah, blah all I am trying to say it that I don't think I will wait for long - I will wait and see what acupuncturist advises at the weekend and go with that (as long as he doesn't suggest a 6 month wait !)
How are you doing now mrs, how are b00bs and how is the gorgeous wee man ?

Murray Our phase started at 18 months and 12 months later seems to be getting worse I bet you were relieved after talking to acupuncturist that he is pretty sure you wont have to wait too long to ttc again. But at the end of the day only you know what's best follow your gut instinct
Nemo How is M's sore bum? Hope HV sorted him out? How's are things going?

Well I spoke to nursery yesterday, got upset and bgit lots of apologies and was assured the remark was innocently meant to mean there was extra support to help me deal with E's spitting and hitting rather than the nursery has a concern. They've assured me he's no different to the others, offered me a mtg to come in and discuss my concerns as they now realise they've not been supporting me. They have also checked his home/nursery diary and invited his room lead to mtg to discuss pointers for her to engage (oops think I might have dropped her in it) Feeling much better after a day of crying and being pretty useless all day. I just wish I could have more confidence in myself and as a mum

hi ladies

murray so sorry it has gone wrong {{{{hugs}}}} with my early Mcs i have never taken a break as i was told it makes little difference but if my track record is anything to go by i may possibly be talking out of my arse

buddha i know how it feels! kids can be a nightmare!! S still has her moments but she is gradually getting easier... i found that shouting/smacking makes her worse and i will try anything to avoid that route TBH things that worked for us in the past was sticker charts, naughty step/chair, taking toys etc and sticking to my word (no means no etc) giving her no say in decisions (she didnt like this too much but once she knew how it worked she was easier to deal with. Also i found that trying new things even ones i had tried before helped me feel like i was doing something to combat the behaviour. S was always better behaved at nursery/school and saved the nasty attitude especially for me i hope some of my ramblings made some sense and helped in some way.

Just wanted to pop in to check on murray so so sorry for how things have worked out :( xx

Murray How you holding up missus?

Hi Buddha. I am doing ok. In a bit of a quandry as Acupuncturist announced this Saturday that I have to wait 2 cycles to TTC. I told him I was not happy about this and may not heed his advice.... I am so hacked off as things seemed to be fine then I have a very early MC (which he is treating as a 'late period') and suddenly I have to wait 2 full cycles (which for me equates to 10 weeks and 700 quid !) before I can even try. Not happy. Trying to decide whether to stop going to see him as it is so blooding expensive and my temps now look quite consistent so am happy that early MC has not set me back in terms of hormonal imbalance. He says we still need to deal with my 'dampness' - I pointed out to him that he has been trying to 'fix' that since Feb and still not happening so maybe I just can't be fixed ! I managed to get PG before with my poor circulation etc... so I am considering 'going it alone' and forgetting about needles and stinky tea... The trouble is I have become quite reliant on it (even if only psychologically) and am a bit scared to continue without his help (even though it may not be making any difference, but I'll never know). What to do ?... Any advice gratefully received. I have decided that the Acupuncture is actually now causing me stress as if I hadn't been going I'd probably be quite happily TTC this week instead of getting upset and calculating how much bl00dy money this is costing me

How are you mrs, are you TTC this cycle or are you having a break ? Did you speak to DH in a calmer moment ? I was so upset yesterday when I was told to wait for 2 cycles and I admitted to DP that the whole TTC business is really getting to me, so his 'quick fix' solution was "yes, you're right it is taking its toll on you, let's just stop" - as if it is as easy as that to just let go of your desire to have another child and move on !!!!! It is SUCH a different issue for men - it just amazes me how laid back they can be about something that can completely consume a woman's every waking hour !

Hi ladies

All well in the zoo?

Hi marbles quiet in here again hey!?

Not much news in my camp, loving being a mummy to 2 :) W is an angel and such a smiler! melts my heart! Bf is hard work this time, I'm getti help and advice from anyone who'll give it and so far 7 weeks down and not formula yet! (pats self on back)

W's kidney condition is being looked after well, lots of scans and apts to keep an eye on things, next is a dye test; up his little winky!!! To understand where the problem stems from :-/

Love to all x

Hi kat S had a dye test when she was about 10 months old. She was fine I was in bits hers was for recurring utis and ended up being nothing but the point is the test was not bad for her. Try not to worry too much (I know how hard that is though) W is GORGEOUS and I is looking so grown up on the FB pics

We had DDs official diagnosis a couple of days ago. She has been having complex partial seizures and is classed as epileptic now she is now on anti-epilepsy meds and under the neuro consultant for the foreseeable future. Worried doesn't even come close TBH I'm barely sleeping with the worry of it all. That combined with my shoulder pain (calcified shoulder possibly needing an op) I'm getting less and less sleep each night

Kat Hope all goes well with W's dye test, good news on the BF front loving the fb pics too
Marbles I see from FB you are finally getting your shoulder op, good luck let's hope it gets rid of the pain. So sorry to hear about S but the main thing is you have a diagnosis and I presume they can control her seizures with medication?? My friend has been epileptic for years, and it hasn't stopped her having children, driving etc, I know there are different degrees of the illness but hopefully it won't stop her leading a "normal" life
Murray So what did you decide to do after? Wait or go for it? We're kind of on a break, not really trying but not really not trying iyswim, just trying not too stress about it

E's behaviour sort of reached a peak, DH admitted that he does want another child but just struggling with the way E is with him, but it is getting slightly better, a little less spitting and hitting, I really feel for DH as E won't even let him look at him on a bad day . Had nursery parents evening last week, had a glowing report, they have been giving him little projects to do to stretch him as he's more advanced than the others They were very impressed that he can spell his name and count, knows numbers most letters and colours, shapes etc
I've been very low, hence absence from MN, GP diagnosed anxiety (no surprise there) I feel like I'm on egg shells waiting for DH and E to kick off with each other constantly, no confidence in my parenting, sarcastic comments from mother and Nan, the list goes on. trying to steer clear of medication at the moment, doing things for me like going to Slimming World to make me feel better about myself, forcing myself arranging time with friends etc

Enjoy the sunny weekend

Maybe if the weather takes a turn for the worse some of the others will come back??

Hello ladies ! Apologies for absence, we took a TTC break so decided to avoid all things TTC related so that meant you lot too

Kat when is W's dye test ? Glad to hear all going well and he is being looked after well. Glad BF going better too - it can be so bl00dy stressful, nobody tells you that before you have a baby (or maybe I was told but chose to ignore it !)

Marbles how are you feeling about DD's diagnosis ? Have you had a chance to let it sink in and research what the implications are ? I assume you are not TTC at the moment ?...

Buddha great to hear that you are sorting a few things out for yourself and trying to stay positive. Clever little E !! He isn't 3 yet is he ?... My E is 3.6 and can only just write his name - he shows some interest in spelling, letters and numbers so I do a little bit with him but I don't want to push him so I let him take the lead. I had a terrible parents evening at nursery last week as it turns out the ladies/girls in his room are imbeciles - I asked about phonics and one of them admitted she didn't really "get it" !!! I am going to speak to the nursery manager who is a qualified primary school teacher and has very high standards - am pretty sure she will be mortified when she hears what the girl said ! Anyway, well done your wee man being so advanced - maybe being more challenged is exactly what he needs. How can you possibly doubt your parenting skills when he is doing so well - that is down to you too, not just his abilities. Maybe if you keep challenging him at home too then his behaviour will improve. Have you tired reward charts/removing favourite toys as punishment ?.. Those tricks work for us.

Nemo how are things going with M ? He is absolutely adorable - love the photo you sent

Well I had my cycle off and got stuck into decorating a larger bedroom for E so he can have more toys in his room and have friends for sleepovers. I stopped taking most of my vitamins but continued with acupuncture, healthy diet and my alcohol ban . I have come to an agreement with acupuncturist that I wait one cycle then start TTC again and he is happy with that (although he would prefer I waited 2 cycles). So, as of tomorrow we are off and 'at it' again . Probably won't ov for another 7-9 days, but practise makes perfect . I'll keep you all posted. Feeling super chilled out about it all - I reckon that if it doesn't work this cycle then it is no big deal as that would mean that I have waited the 2 cycles that Dr. Needles wants (albeit I wouldn't actually have waited...iyswim). Anyway, I'll stop there - wittering nonsense now.

Hi ladies

Where is everyone?...

My shoulder op is Monday I'm shitting my pants just a little
It's also DH and I's anniversary today! 5 years of wedded bliss and to cap that off I am nearly a week late... I haven't tested as I'm probably not up the duff but...

S has been taking her medication but it has an effect on her behaviour which means barely anymore seizures but a demon child replacement we go back on wednesday to discuss strategy with her consultant.

How is everyone?

Murray Thank you for the lovely comment that some of E's talents are down to my parenting, never thought of that and that made me feel really good about myself so thank very much Glad to hear things are back on track with ttc, we are feeling a bit more relaxed about things too although whilst visiting GP recently I asked for 21 day blood levels for fsh and lh and discussed my cycles and luteal phase, she had a little smile that I was such a "little expert" as she called me but also said she was sad that I had to know so much which was really kind of her, she has been a fab support lately and really helped me sort my head out.
Marbles I know all went well with shoulder op, so hope you are still relaxing and taking time off

Still at Slimming world and lost 9lbs in 4 weeks really pleased as it seems to have been much easier this time round and weight loss can only help with making me feel better about myself and ttc so it's a double edged sword really

Hope everyone else is OK??

Hello animals, I'm sorry I've been away for so long, I haven't even been lurking. TBH I'm so tired I struggle to string sentences together, let alone remember what's happening with everyone else.
Having said that, we're ok. M is gorgeous, so I can just about forgive him for wanting to feed every 1-2 hours at night... But only just! DH and I not been getting on too well either, think the fact that we're both so tired (and the fact that I'm grumpy about him being so tired when I'm the one doing pretty much every night ) combined with the fact that we're still in separate rooms so at least one of us gets some sleep is having a really negative effect on our marriage. Not sure I've quite forgiven him for taking NO paternity leave when M was born either.... But we're going on holiday at the end of the month so hopefully that'll help.....

Buddha congrats on the weight loss, that's brilliant! Definitely empowering. And Murrays right about E, def a great reflection on you that he's so advanced!

Bugger. M screaming and just been jumped on by T. Better go. You see, this is what happens when I try to do something for myself...!

Hello ladies !

Just a quickie to say Hi

Marbles how did op go ? Hope you are doing well. Have you tested or did AF arrive ?

Buddha WOW that is a massive loss in such a short time - well done you ! Don't be disheartened if the pace slows down as it it prob will but it is more likely to stay off if it comes off slowly after the initial loss - so pleased for you as you sound way more upbeat than a few weeks ago. How is E's behaviour ?

Nemo well done posting at all mrs. It must be really tough if you and DH are not getting on well when you are so tired. Having a newborn in the house is very difficult when everyone tired - I can only imagine how much harder it is with another child to look after and the fact that you feel that you are doing way more than your fair share. A holiday sounds like a great idea - where you off to ?

All is well here - off up North to my parents' with E for a few days tmrw - looking forward to relaxing and letting grandparents entertain E . On the TTC front things are not great. Started trying again this cycle and despite the fact that my last cycle was completely 'normal' this cycle has been crap - EWCM on and off for over a week and yet another AWOL egg - am gutted as had been getting better and better each month then last month 'perfect' then this nonsense . Trying not to let it get to me, but unless temp rises tmrw or Tue then we will have missed the boat this month as DP not coming away with us so no SWI opportunity after tonight - so annoying given that we have now been at it for 2 whole bl00dy weeks ! Arrgghhhh.... Anyway, trying to be relaxed about it... not very successfully though ! Anyway, will report back on my return.