What do you wish you'd known before you got pregnant/had children?

[Pippaandpolly]

This is a little bit a shameless plug for my blog but mostly a request for help from more experienced mums. I blogged this morning about things that noone tells you (or that I didn't know, at least) before I got pregnant:

pippaandpolly.wordpress.com/

Two of my close friends are currently pregnant and I've been thinking for a while about writing them a sort of survival guide - tongue firmly in cheek but with some sensible advice in there too, including something along the lines of ignore all advice! My blog post forms the basics I think but I've been thinking all day about other things I've forgotten. I wondered whether the collective wisdom of Mumsnet might help! So, as per the title, my question is, what thing/s do you wish you'd known before you got pregnant/had children?

Thanks in advance :)

Self confidence. There is too much advice around, not all wrong, but it doesn't make your way wrong either. Be confident in your own feelings and way of doing things because ultimately its your responsibility this wonderful thing you've created, after all you deal with the consequences.

Babies are the easy part. (I just didn't know it at the time)

Meglet oh crap...
ANTagony that's really nicely put, thank you.

So many things.
1st and foremost, take nothing for granted. If you get a + pregnancy test, this is not a steadfast guaruntee that you will have a baby. Things go wrong, dont presume it wont.

Sleep, i wish that some one had actually told me how debilitaing and bone drenchingly desperate that utter utter exhaustion is, it knocked me like a truck load of bricks and did not abate for 5 years. My DS slept an entire night through when he was 5 years old and in school. No one tells you that this could be a possibility.

I wish i knew more about colic, treatment of and how fucking awful it is, croup, wish i had some idea about this, and then teething of course, becuase each of these one after the other affect the sleep OR lack thereof.

Unfortunately parenthood has not sparkled for me, it has not delivered any of my presumptions and beliefs that i held when planning my child. It has been one hell of a journey with bumps and grooves which i could never ever have predicted in a million years.
The horrific birth stories are nothing compared to the horror of bringing that child up.

WOW i am very negative reading back, i dont think that i am a good person to contribute, my ideas would force any people planning a child running for the hills!

I agree about the baby being the easy part. So enjoy it.

oflip that's really honest and actually I think it's important that people know it won't always be easy peasy with a cute bouncing baby who sleeps through the night from day one.

Other mothers lie.

That some hospitals in Italy have a no pain relief rule.

And unlike ever other (very bendy) rule in the country, this one is the one they choose to rigidly apply, willy sodding bastard nilly.

The Gits.

My (only) child is 11 and will soon be bigger than me. You'd have thought I'd be slightly less bitter about this by now.

chinateacup that's so true...that's so true. Bit of a lightbulb moment for me there!!

fastweb I had a minor operation in Italy as a toddler. My Dad still shudders when he tells the story of him plus four other grown men having to hold me down on the operating table while they stitched me up with no pain relief. I think you're quite entitled to your bitterness...

An awful lot of babies don't want to be put down at all in the first few months and that includes overnight.

That the advice on how to avoid SIDS is often seriously at odds with the only ways you can successfully get your LO to sleep in those early days.

That maternal insomnia is a much more annoying reason to have a crap night's sleep than a restless baby.

That breastfeeding is not necessarily something you and your LO will be able to do effortlessly and by instinct alone.

That babies are wonderful to cuddle, but toddlers are a lot more fun.

That you can survive perfectly okay (well, maybe not perfectly...) on a lot less sleep than you ever thought possible.

Lying mothers that's so true!

I agree on the baby part being easy - its a breeze before your baby is on the move!

The biggest one for me (and biggest reality hit for DP and I) was try not to have too many preconceived ideas and just go with the flow one hour day at a time. Things that you thought would come naturally and be easy breastfeeding might turn out to be distressingly horrifically difficult and the hard things everyone told you about will be hard, may stretch you to your very limit but you'll get through it and learn how to deal with it as you go along.

You'll also spend a lot of time doing things you never expected to do like dealing with an exploding nappy resulting in head to toe poo and that's just your DP or spending every evening trying to make your baby fart but you won't mind one bit

Pippaandpolly

Dear God! Am now grateful the DS was glued back together after the one ti e he got a really nasty cut.

So far kid wise the only nasty thing they tried to do to DS without pain relief is the "obsessed with retracting the foreskin" bit. But that got cut short by my howls of outrage and a little baby book reading convinced me that foreskins can safely be left alone to retract in their own time, so it didn't happen again cos I threw myself on my baby and threatened to sue anybody who even looked at his willy funny

I found a lack of pain relief extends beyond labour for mums, I went back to the hospital with some manky c-section stiches and they came at me with a crochet hook and had a good old dig about in the wound before restitching.

I didn't yell. Cos I stopped breathing from shock and awe.

I am also bitter about being given a humungous enema before the birth, with no fecking warning.

"Turn over" in my book does not normally carry the automtically understood sub text "and I'm going to ram a ruddy great garden hose up your Jaxksie"

At least waggle the hose about BEFORE people turn over so they don't get such a shock.

And warm up the water a bit.

And people wonder why I have an only child

That breastfeeding is not necessarily something you and your LO will be able to do effortlessly and by instinct alone

Yes, that.

that the gap between reality and fantasy is absolutely fucking huge

that it will not answer any meaning of life questions. you will still be you just a lot more knackered.

Once you have a child, they are your responsibility for the rest of your life.

Children do not come with a off or pause button.

Sleepless nights with a baby are not at all the same as the nights you worked through until the small hours on uni assignments. You do not get to catch up on sleep during the day, or the next night, or the day after that, or the night after that, for weeks/months/years.

Toddlers are very cuddly.

nothing

Savoy cabbage leaves from the fridge will give amazing relief from sore boobs after breast feeding, I went through loads! Even left them in my bra over night.... Brilliant advice given to me from my midwife.

Although they do smell...but who cares if you smell slightly of cabbage when your cracked nips stop hurting!

Yy to baby being the easy bit.

Thanks so much for all these. Had no idea cabbage leaves actually work - imagined they were an old wives' tale! Wondering if Southeastastra means there was nothing she needed to know or that she wishes she'd been less prepared!

Fastweb that made my eyes water...

I second the bit about babies not accepting being put down. I quickly realised my baby would sleep beautifully when lying on me but not in a Moses basket or cot. I panicked as I had read authoritative articles about the dangers of parents crushing their babies to death. But it was the only thing that worked for our baby. She would not sleep on her own. So we started co-sleeping, although I did not know it even had a name at that stage.

I had envisaged my DH gettinb out of bed to fetch the baby from her cot when she needed feeding in the night with me sitting up in a pretty nightgown to feed her before returning her to her cot.

The reality was the three of us in our double bed, DH never stirring, just snoozing through, with me, topless most of the time for ease of breastfeeding access, baby sleeping on top of me most of the time. For two and a half years!

And I am not complaining, we all loved it, DH included. But we certainly did not expect it!

I wish I'd known that the tiredness you will feel when you have a small baby is different to any other tiredness, its a mind numbing tiredness which can leave you feeling like someone other than yourself.

That while you feel like your life is over to begin with, it isn't, and soon you'll have it back, better than ever.

That it will be very hard on your marriage/relationship, and will push you to your limits.

That you will love that child so fiercely that it can bring tears to your eyes.

That you will soon not be grossed out by ANYTHING.. you'll have seen it all!

Someone will repeatedly throw up over you and you won't mind.

Its all worth it, and the most amazing thing to ever happen to you.

Giving birth is the easy part. For me getting stitches was more painful than giving birth.

You know your baby best and do what is right for you and your baby.

Wish I had been told about colic as we suffered weeks of a crying baby not knowing what was wrong.

No matter how much baby was planned and how much you are looking forward to baby you can still get PND and it?s nothing to be ashamed about. I suffered severe PND and was admitted into a specialised Mother and Baby Unit. I just wish PND had been spoken about before I had my DD.

Agree about other Mum?s lying.

When they tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps, you should. I wish I had listened to that advice.

Even if you want to Breast Feed it?s not to say it will happen so don?t be upset if you can?t. I had Severe Pre Eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome and DD was born Prem so I was unable to Breast Feed due to the drugs I had been given ? my milk never came in.

The baby stage is the easiest stage even though it might not feel like it.

Make time for your partner and talk each other.

You will love your child more than you can ever imagine and would do anything for them.

I wish someone had taught me how to pronounce dinosaur names. And about football.

All that time you spend learning about babies, and the hard bit starts when they can talk back

CMOTdibbler

lol at Dinosaur names my 4 year old loves them and can pronounce them better than me. :)