When does it get easier with 2? I cant cope anymore.

[KellyKettle]

I have a DD1 who will be 3 in January and a 6 week old DD2.

I am bf both of them and cosleep. I have been nightweaning DD1 for the last two weeks with some success. She's gone from asking to feed 5-7 times a night (more than newborn) to waking once at about 4am. I still refuse to feed her at 4am but she screams, kicks, hits me.

At the moment DH is working away so I am staying with my parents for help with the evenings. DD2 cries all bloody night. Last night she didn't settle until 2:30am and then DD1 started screaming for milk at 5am.

I just can't do it anymore. When we're here my mum helps with me DD2 at night, taking turns to rock her but I am alone in the day with the DDs and I am going insane.

The alternative is to go home to my house, see friends in the day but deal with the DDs alone in the night/evenings.

I tried to have a nap with DD2 yesterday and put some cartoons on for DD1. She kicked me in the back and tried to hit DD2.

I haven't stopped crying since I got up this morning.

Oh dear, youo sound at the end of your tether. So so hard with two on your own. Have you thought about getting the oldest into a nursery a couple of days a week? I put my ds1 into nursery for two days when I has ds2, just so I could have a break, focus on getting the new one settled and ds1 could have some socialising apart from me. After initial settling in period he loved it and was so ready for some time away from me. He was also exhausted by the end of the day! It worked very well and may be something to consider. At 3, it's fair time for them to be doing something independently from you, they love it and it prepares them for school

Thanks Mum1369 she starts pre-school in January but I'm not sure how I'll last that long. I don't know how I'll get through today.

You poor thing! I'm nit surprised your feeling that way.

I have 2.10 and an 8 mth old and neither bf anymore and that's tough enough sometimes.

I'm having dramas with previously wonderful sleeper DS who is waking and coming into our bed at 4 - 5 am and playing on us half sleeping also takes great delight in waking everyone up with shouting "WAKE UUUP" (it's this bloody bollocksing sleeping bunnies from
Rhyme time!)

My DH is away with work next week and I plan to use the time to get my good sleeper back. If some clever person has a plan to help with your situation would be happy to start a thread and keep in touch in the small hours whilst tearing my hair out and DS in fits of laughter

Do you have anyone nearby who you could go to for a play date. Dd1 needs to run off some excess energy. Or a soft play area where she can play safely on her own, baby can sleep, you can have a coffee? You sound v. Sleep deprived and that just makes everything 100 times worse. Would mum take them for a couple of hours so you can get some sleep?

Ha ha my sausage fingers twat phone always puts nit instead of not and I sound like that guy in allo allo who was always pissing by the window!

The lack of sleep is awful isn't Planet? I am thankful I can MN from my phone.

I'm wishing I'd never breast fed DD1 and now wondering if I should move DD2 out of my bed so I don't start the same cycle with her. I feel sick at the thought of another 3 years of this.

Everyone works in the day. I did get an hour when I they got home last night but then DD2 started her 7 hour crying fit (she sleeping wonderfully now of course).

I have groups to go to and friends nearby but at my home 30 miles away (don't drive) so I have to choose either daytime sanity or help from 5pm - whenever DD2 stops crying.

'Allo 'Allo

Sorry to be brutal, but it will get better when you stop allowing your DD1 to rule your life. She gets rocked to sleep? You're still BFing her when you have a 6-week-old? You all co-sleep? I'm amazed you get any sleep at all.

Please seek professional help to sort things out. An almost 3-year-old doesn't need to BF at night - she needs 12 hours of non-stop sleep. And TBH, you'd all be better off if she was in her own bed, not yours.

Are you listening very carefully? I shall say this uunly wwwuuuunce!

My friend who I copy really respect and seems to be very good at all this mum stuff had sleeping issues with her DS and snapped quite spectacularly and got the HV round in a sort of super nanny intervention type way. She showed her the CCT and my friend has never looked back was all fixed in 4 days maybe getting you HV round for a good hour or so to Taylor something specific to you could be an option?

Juneau I know that. We were cosleeping when I was pg and it was fine, we're moving house next week so I thought we'd tackle nightweaning and then get her into her own bed when we move.

I'd love to not feed her to sleep but that will probably be the last feed I cut out. I don't rock her, she lies down and has a quick feed to sleep. I would rather not be doing it, hence the weaning.

Yes, speaking to the HV might be a good idea. She is very nice and offered some help last time but said as DD2 had just arrived it might be best to leave it a while because it was a lot of change for DD1.

And why is your DD2 screaming for 7 hours - does she have reflux (what used to be called colic)? Have you taken her to your GP to be checked out? Sometimes eliminating certain foods from your diet can help with this. But please get help - this mess isn't going to sort itself out.

Kelly AND your moving house the most stressful thing we do, you def need help in the short term with surviving the move and longer term getting sorted with the sleep.

Tell mum exactly how you feel and what
It's like and ring HV now and say "I'm at the end of my tether and need help" there's no shame in it AT ALL and it should get them round to help soonish.

On getting through today ... Is there a costa/Starbucks near I have a ice coffee with two shots when pooped and it makes me look like this more teeth chatteringly wired than a grin though!

Others are right this has gotta change girl! same as means my mad bunny waker!

Me and!!! Not means! Ffs are my fingers seriously this fat!?!?!?

You need to crack down, hard, on your older DD's behaviour. No doubt she's probably feeling jealous of the new arrival and having a tough time adjusting, but she seems to be ruling the roost and you're really suffering as a result. It'll take some time but if you're very firm and consistent it will work. Any hitting or kicking should result right away in time out - there is no way she should be doing that. She should be in her own bed to give you space with the baby and she should be sleeping for most of the night on her own. It'll be hard to implement all this and you will need help - will your parents help you?

Juneau I am not sure about reflux, she's absolutely fine in the day and the night before last she was great. I have just started cutting out dairy though just in case.

By some strange coincidence the HV ha just called so I had a cry on the phone to her. She's going to visit the week after we move house - so two weeks today - and bring a nursery nurse to discuss some strategies for DD1s behaviour.

Cailin my parents will help. I agree she needs to be in her own bed.

Until the last few weeks I have backed down when DD1 was very distressed with something if It was something I didn't think worth worrying about but I read somewhere that I need to be as consistent with the new ways as I was with the old ways. So I don't back down now.

Poor you. Def try getting 3 year old into their own bed. Try telling her she is a big girl and can sleep in her own bed. Go out and buy duvet cover etc and then go for it. It might take a few nights of putting her back in her bed a number of times but then you will both get more sleep.

planet no costa or Starbucks. My mum lives in the middle of bloody nowhere and I'm dairy free so lovely lattes are off the menu.

HV recommended trying infacol. It's got to be worth a go until I can get to GP next week.

I'm glad your parents will help and that the nursery nurse will be visiting you. I know it must seem horribly daunting when you're so worn out but it will be worth it. Don't back down - DD will just learn that getting really upset will work and she'll jump to nuclear at everything she doesn't like. When you change tactics behaviour usually gets a lot worse before it gets better as your DD is pushing to see how far she needs to go to get what she wants. If she realises no matter how far she goes you won't back down then she'll stop bothering.

The main thing is to try to remain calm. What techniques are you using?

I don't know if you'd call them techniques.

If I say no to something it's a no. When we started weaning I backed down if she was very upset but I've stopped that now. I realised she was better at sticking to her guns than I was and so I was being dictated to by her.

We don't use time out or anything but my mum suggested it last night. I'm not sure what I think about it.

Sorry, I read the rest of your post too and that makes sense. Her behaviour has become 100 times worse since the birth.

Time out can be very effective but it is difficult. You'd need help around to start implementing it because you don't want to be stuck holding the baby while your DD takes advantage of the fact that you can't move. It has to be very very consistent at the start to begin working and over time just the threat of time out can be enough. In fact some kids start using the time out themselves as a calm down area when they know they've started acting up. What are your reservations about it?

Brilliant news about the HV personally I would think sticking plaster until then what with the move and everything. Try and get a sort of temporary cope-able fix till the cavalry arrive in the shape of the HV and nursery nurse

Are you using the naughty step?

So hard as it's probably not helping your BFing the two as bloody knackering anyway but eldest probably sees them as their property and seeing youngest feeding may be making jealous or pushed out feelings worse.

Hope you're feeling better after a cry and knowing professional help is coming soon.

What did I do with my day when I only had one? Actually I know - my house was not a bimbsite and I looked vaguely like my former self

Meant to say but also you probably didn't want to stop when pg for fear of pushing DD out that way .... It's hard, but fixable