How do you deal with 'You hate me' ?

[SouthernandCross]

We get this all the time from our july born DD2, she's in year 4.

She's got quite a few ADHD traits, is very emotionally volatile and flies into a temper tantrum easily if things don't go her way.
For most of this year, if we tell her no, or she doesn't get her own way ( Happens a lot with 4 kids!) or something goes badly for her, she'll start a terrible wailing about how we don't love her/ everyone hates her/ she's useless and if she's really upset she'll start head banging or hitting herself.

When she's good, she functions well. Academically, she's doing very well, and she doesn't tantrum at school, just cries if she gets told off etc.

Our eldest DD(9 almost 10) does do the 'you hate me' thing occasionally (once or twice a month) but it's not as convincing as DD2's efforts and with DD2 it's once or twice a DAY.

I just can't decide if it's something to get worked up about and maybe take her to the GP, or whether she'll just grow out of it.

Has anyone got a child like this, and if so, what were they like during the teenage years???!!!

The head-banging and self-harm is the one to watch. 'Everyone hates me/you hate me' is usually a response to being told off, having a run-in with a friend or simply not getting their own way and you can't rationalise with that mindset. Not responding to outbursts at the time but having calm chats later about the way she feels are best. Also you need to make it clear that tantrums are not the way to express herself. Physical aggression is rather different, more dangerous, and you need to put her out of harm's way when she does it until the storm blows through. You may also need some restraint techniques if it's particularly bad. Your GP may have other ideas.

Sorry replied in error

southern, I invariably laugh if either of my two ever tell me that I hate them! It is such a ludicrous thing to say & undoubtably born of their own pent up frustration.

My DS has ASD. He is 12 now, but when he was younger he used to get very agitated & bang his head against the wall or hit himself. I used to find it very distressing. When he was small it was fairly easy to restrain him & that is literally what I would do - pin him to the floor or sofa until the rage passed & the tears came. Then once he was completely calm, we would have a chat about what happened & unpick what was going on in his head that made him so angry at himself. He hasn't hit his head against the wall for a few years now - so I'm hoping he has grown out of it.
Big hugs to you, it is so grim when it happens.

Tell my dd1 (3.5) that I love her lots when she tells me I'm not her friend anymore