Where do you go for cousnelling with your nearly teens?

[Epiffany]

I'm not going into gory details just now.
My ds and I are at standstill, we hate each other so much of the time.
He is an angel, bright and beautiful but he is driving me crazy with his behaviour.
I am not able to instinctively parent him anymore - I do not know what to do.
I want private counselling - me and him then us and dp (his step dad)
I told him I know I am being a really crap parent and that it is my fault that it is broken down - we can talk... but oh I don't know it is just hard hard hard.
I know some of you have met him and me - so are thinking same as me
WTF?
First question, a neutral couselling service?

Ps he is just about 12

Try getting in touch with Connexions (their website will come up if you google them) - they're a specialist information and counselling service for young people. We've had problems with my 14 yr old DD and their telephone counselling service was very reassuring and helpful. I'm not sure if they offer face-to-face counselling, but they'll certainly be able to point you in the right direction.

Sorry to hear about the problems with your ds btw

Relate will be able to put you in touch with a family therapist.

thanks, have googled relate and done postcode check looks like a 55 minute drive to the nearlest family couselling - but will ring them to double check
Thx xxxxxxxxxxx

Can't offer any counselling advice, piffle, but pls don't blame yourself for not being able to "instinctively parent" any more - IME it stops being instinctive once the adolescent hormones kick in, and being at constant loggerheads from time to time is normal. I would be amazed if you really need any counselling - you just have to adjust to the idea that DS will go through lots of different stages on the way to becoming a bright and beautiful adult.

raisingkids.co.uk - lots of different parenting themes here.

Many self-help books on amazon . Sorry, link didn't work, but put "parenting teens" in the search box.

thanks janh
no its really bad, at times I cannot speak I get so angry at him, I know I have an issue but I do not know what it is.
He pushes all the wrong buttons and it is making me more and more crap at dealing with him
High intelligence or not he is bloody exhausting me .

A few counsellors will come to you if it's impossible for you to travel to them. Or how about trying your GP? S/he may be able to put you in touch with someone as well. Sometimes there's a counsellor attached to the surgery. Connexions is also a great idea, as sd says. Good luck.

Does he know about the pg?

btw I have been just as angry as that with each of mine at various times. All adolescents know which buttons to push (it's in their manual).

jan need to post about that too, no he didn't and I have had another miscarriage over xmas sadly. Am ok really.
It's been building up for years with him.
I was on my own with him for 5 yrs and then dp came in and than dd - it has been hard for him, I think we would all benefit from some deep talking

Oh, piffle, I am so so sorry You aren't feeling up to being bright and beautiful yourself either then, are you.

Yes, of course, you have both had a lot to deal with over the years. I hope you can find someone/something to help.

Really sorry to hear about your miscarriage piff. janh knows what she's talking about wrt teenagers- I met her and her daughter the other week and they are both LOVELY. If you do need extra help though, recognising that and being brave enough to try and sort things out is awe inspiringly impressive, especially when you've had a rough time recently. Hope things improve for you and ds soon.

I'll get onto it tomorrow, he is with his dad this week, so some much needed space is good for us all.
He is a good kid, my problems do not stem from the usual issues, its just we've lost each other along the way and grown apart too far.

Have a look at NFPI - National Family & Parenting Institute Parent Services Directory - there are at least 2 facilities in your area.

Aw, thank you, scummy!

In fact DD2 and I have had our share of screaming fits where it felt like we had lost each other (still have them occasionally!), particularly when she was around your DS's age.

You were talking a bit ago about him maybe living with his dad for a while, weren't you? Is that still a possibility or are things fraught with him too?

he is settled in so well at school and his dad works away 2 nights a week so for now its not an option.
He is doing really well at school and with friends and stuff. Like I said the only part that is going wrong is him and me.
Will check out those links Jan thanks

We got family therapy through the local child health clinic, if that's any help. It was many years ago so I can't remember how we got referred- either by GP or HV.

I went to counselling with ds2. I went to the family GP first without him and explained the situation and he referred me to a family centre. It really did help. I was at my wits end with him and he was actually threatening suicide at one point ( he is 10 BTW). I know they are difficult at this age anyway, I also have ds 1 age 12 who has raging hormones, bit nothing like ds2. The counseller talked to us together, then him on his own and me on my own. I must admit at first I was not sure about all this, but amazingly it helped.
I know ds 1 is still only 10 but he is very physically developed for his age. He takes a mans size 10 shoe and is as tall as me.

I would try your GP first, maybe go and have a chat on your own. I asked the DR if he thought it was just hormones and he said it was way and beyond that. I am glad I went to the family centre now. Like you and your ds, it was mainly between him and me, but we are much better now. I don't know why it worked but it did.

I don't know anything about your history or the background to this but you could also try parentlineplus on 0808 800 2222 or www.parentlineplus.org.uk and [email protected]