Too much attention?

[Cline]

Hi
I have always read that you can't give a baby too much attention, especially in the first three months. My son is 14 weeks old and whenever I walk away from him after only a couple of minutes he will cry. When I return he playfully kicks his legs around and smiles! It has now become difficult to get on with things at home as if I leave him for a long period he will cry. I always go to him when he cries as I don't like to leave him crying,but am I fueling the fire?!

I agree that a baby as young as yours cannot have too much attention. Have you tried carrying him around in a sling while you get on with stuff? Young babies need as much contact with mum as possible. He doesn't yet understand than when you disappear from view you still exist and will come back.

Oh, and I don't think you are fueling the fire, no. The more secure he feels now, the more confident he will feel as an older child / adult.

OK, I'm all for benignly neglecting my children (now 5yrs and nearly 3yrs) but when they were little babies I just carried them and cuddled them whenever I could. Babies need that close contact with their carers, you can't spoil them. :)

Yay I'm doing something right!!

Babies need (actually physically need) to be close to their mums. At this age, they are not even aware that you are separate beings (that only comes around 6 months) and until then they think a part of themselves is missing when you are gone. Some babies are less sensitive than others but it is best to respond sensitively to your baby at this time.

If you try to 'toughen him up' now, he may shut down and learn that there is no point in expressing himself. It is called 'learned helplessness'

Don't worry about needing to take him everywhere with you. Have you got a sling so you can get stuff done during the day, while still having him near you?

There's a half-way house between carrying them around 24/7 and leaving them alone. Bouncy chairs can be set up in any room and, while you're washing up or whatever, they can sit where they can see you. There comes a point where you have to go to the loo or take a shower or something. Best to get them used to the idea that you might disappear for a minute and then come back again.

When you go out of sight, he thinks you have disappeared forever, so he cries. Babies don't develop object permanence (the ability to understand that you still exist when they can't see you) til at least 8 months. So expect a lot of accompanied toilet visits.

I just used to carry DD from room to room and install on playmat/bouncy chair/Moses basket. Slings are also a godsend for getting a few things done round the house.

And don't worry that whatever you do now will be binding a rod for your own back and affect how he behaves at 15. You will have many opportunities to change your approach as he grows up and most of them will come naturally when the time is ripe.