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Parenting

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Original poster

What do you think of locking your own bedroom door?

22 replies

bourneville · 15/12/2005 07:30

My dd is in a bed now and still hasn't completely settled to stay in bed reliably.
I'm a single mum with a boyf who comes over a couple of times a week and neither of us are relaxed (in private time) and want to get a lock for the bedroom door. Both my parents and a friend of mine expressed disapproval for various reasons - my parents cos of the risk of dd locking herself in there, my friend because of the psychological effect on dd knowing her mum can be locked away. I'm worried about neither of these things myself, she has only been able to open the bedroom door recently anyway, and now for some reason not first thing in the morning, so having a lock will make no difference to her anyway I don't think, and the lock can be too difficult or high up for her to reach...

Do any of you lock your bedroom doors and what do you all think?

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sevensuzyswongsaswimming · 15/12/2005 07:33

can't you get something similar to a cupboard lock, you know the knd of thing you can only open so far before you have to reach in and un hook it

I understand you don't want to be caught making the beast with two backs by your little girl but for similar reasons to those your friend and parents listed I don't think a lock is a good idea

ImdreadinganAUTIExmas · 15/12/2005 09:00

But the lock up high. Our house is slowly getting a lock on every internal door because we often need to keep ds1 out of a room for safety reasons. Most of the time the doors are open but if he starts obsessing over something unsafe (like climbing up and leaning against ropy windows- a favourite) then I take him out and lock the door. I used those locks that are opened with something resembing a large allen key- the same key opens all the locks. He moves chairs etc to open bolts so having a removable key was the best option for us. If you only lock it when you defintely want 'ahem" privacy then I don't see the problem.

ImdreadinganAUTIExmas · 15/12/2005 09:01

Put the lock high up I mean

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PantomimEDAMe · 15/12/2005 09:03

I can see your point. Maybe just lock the door when you are feeling romantic but make sure you unlock it when you go to sleep so, if there was an emergency, dd could find you?

Roobietherednosedreindeer · 15/12/2005 09:03

I wouldn't worry about it if you are only going to use it for those intimate moments - if she did bang on the door presumably you would then stop and let her in .... it would be good as an early warning system.

lou33 · 15/12/2005 09:23

I just had a lock fitted to my bedroom door, mainly to stop my kids messing about with my stuff, and it's great. They don't have access to the key so cant lock themselves in. Plus i get to lock myself away from them if i so choose

overdrafttopayforchristmas · 15/12/2005 09:27

we have two one on outside and inside ( barrel locks).They are high up I use the one outside to keep her out when playing upstairs because of all the cosmetics/ tolietries.Inside one is locked only when we have adult fun and then unlocked again so they are free to come in when they need us in the night.I don't see a problem with that at all

QueensSpeechEagle · 15/12/2005 09:36

We have bolts on the outside of each of my older 3's doors to keep ds3 out as he trashes their rooms. It's worked gteat (as long as they remember to put it on before they go to school of course)!

We don't have a lock on our door but we have a filing cabinet just inside the door and we often pull the top drawer out to prevent anyone coming in during those intimate moments!

I wouold worry too about a lock on the inside of a door for fear of a little one getting locked in. I guess though if you were to put it up high it might be ok though? The cupboard lock idea sounded good.

FlameRobin · 15/12/2005 09:45

DD has a gate on her door, which stops her wandering in to us unless we open it... only a short term solution though as I'm guessing soon she'll suss how to open it...

lou33 · 15/12/2005 09:47

But if you have a lock with a key and keep the key out of reach, there would be no worries surely?

sarahinphuket · 15/12/2005 09:53

all of the bedrooms in my house have locks, which initially worried me. My DD has locked herself in the rooms from time to time but I have access to the key at all times so there is never a problem. Anyway she can always open the door from the inside.

I think it's good to maintain a little privacy, especially if you have got older kids

Original poster

bourneville · 15/12/2005 11:28

dd is only 2.4! I think it's good to maintain privacy whatever age, and to ensure that parents have parent only time together. I don't understand how parents can get completely taken over by family life...would drive me nuts...

The thing about locking it only at intimate times (which I suggested to boyf) is that it ruins any spontaneity etc, and if you're not relaxed in the first place that won't happen anyway! I plug the monitor in just outside the bedroom door so i can hear anything that goes on (it's too loud & buzzy to have in the room with us, we'd never sleep!)

I rent my flat so would have to ask landlord permission, so might only be able to get a bolt or something.

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MelissasSecretSanta · 15/12/2005 14:55

Can you not just put a stairgate across her door, then she could call for you instead of coming into your room. That way you get intimate whenever you want & don't have to second guess with a lock. (or forget in the heat of the moment!)

doormat · 15/12/2005 14:58

door is always open except at "intimate times"
would never lock door

Original poster

bourneville · 15/12/2005 17:14

But wouldn't the stair gate replace the door? She sleeps with her door shut.

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MelissasSecretSanta · 15/12/2005 21:01

But if she can open her door the stairgate will keep her in her room & if she needs you all she has to do is yell. This will save the blushes so she can't get into your room.

funnygirl · 15/12/2005 21:31

friend at work told me to wedge a slipper under the door. The door wont open easily but it can be moved slightly - unless you have wooden floors.......!

ghosty · 15/12/2005 21:59

Agree with doormat ...
Mind you, our 'intimate' times are few and far between these days and I can see that for bournville having a boyfriend and still in the flush of 'luuuuuurrrrve' it could be more of an issue.
I still think that locking the door is not sending a good message to your child though. I agree that your life needn't be dictated to by 'family' stuff but I taught a little girl once whose mum remarried and she wrote in a story that she and her brother were banned from her mum's bedroom and I detected much sadness from her in that respect (although she very much loved her step dad) ... I remember thinking at the time (it was pre-kids) that I would never ban my children from my bedroom for that reason ...
So far, DS has ever woken up or walked in on us ...

Original poster

bourneville · 16/12/2005 07:38

Well, my boyf has been around since I was pg, therefore from the beginning, which may make a difference. I am very aware that esp as she is an only child and boyf isn't dad that i don't want her to ever feel excluded etc, and she isn't "banned" from the bedroom at all, we all mess around together on the bed etc. we just want to feel relaxed and uninterrupted and i'm only talking about once dd has gone to bed!
Thanks all, may consider the gate but tbh i have used a rope attached to the door handle to teach her to stay in bed with the promise that the rope comes off if she stays in bed, a gate or other wedgy type thing would undermine that. And, surely, it's even worse confining her to her room than just out of our bedroom?

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MelissasSecretSanta · 16/12/2005 10:29

Well then either put a lock on your door & kill the spontenaity of it or take your chances. I don't see how putting a gate over her door is any different to locking your door. Either she can't get to you.

MelissasSecretSanta · 16/12/2005 10:30

sorry, either WAY she can't get to you.

OhlittletownofEIDSVOLD · 17/12/2005 09:24

we don't lock our door but we have a stair gate for dd1 who is three - purely from a safety point of view - when I was heavily pregnant with dd2 and dh had gone to work early I assumed she was fine in the bed until she came and woke me up by tapping on my leg.

Our stairgate is a pressur eone - where therea re two parts that you slip apart and it uses rubber stoppers to fix to the wall iyswim - means we can step over but dd1 can't climb it.

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