How to help my friend with her son's behaviour

[Bluebell99]

My friend is having problems with her eleven old son. In her opinion, he has never been accepted by his peer group, has no friends and is bullied by the other popular children. He gets into trouble at school, examples are running off from headteacher and swearing at her. Writing notes to other children with swear words on. Thing is he comes across as arrogant, rude and violent. He doesn't listen, interuppts constantly. He is attracted to the worse behaved children. He has just started at high school, and my ds said he saw him approach some Yr 9s the top dogs, and kept on at them until one of them knocked him over. Yesterday another friend said he had been seen throwing apples that someone had left out for people to take.
Thing is, my friend is completely blinded to how he is. She sees him as a victim and focuses on other children bullying him. She is really worried about him, but I am at a lost as to what to say to her.

Has he ever been assessed for sen ? Sounds like there may be a socio-communication issue at very least.

She needs to know what he is like with other kids if she is to have any chance of helping him, in other words you need to tell her...............I know I would find this really difficult, you could approach it by bringing up the incident with the Y9's that your son witnessed and see how she responds, then judge whether it would be wise to continue or not.

I think that is what I would do or what I would intend to do then I would probably make a complete mess of it by waffling and saying nothing meaningful ! But you owe it to your friend and her son to give it a go as lets face it a lot of us have no idea how are kids act and are percieved by their peers and if their behaviour is causing them problems then their mum needs to know about it. Good luck

Thanks Lizs and takeonboard. I was talking to her today about children who insist on answering all the questions. I wasn't actually talking about her ds but about some really irritating children who was at an event we were at recently who kept answering all the questions with either the wrong answer or with completely irrelevant stuff, and getting the answer wrong didn't put them off at all. She recognised her ds does this but said she didn't think he would listen to her if she spoke to him about it. Thing is it is one of the elements of his behaviour which irritate other adults and children.