My son keeps being invited to tea with kid he HATES!

[leapyleo]

Help! My son is in 9 and since Reception has had a precocious kid (I'll call him Jack) in the class he can't stand. For all that time I have managed to dodge requests for him to go to Jack's house for tea.

Last week his Mum approached me with a birthday present for my son - she had remembered when his birthday is. (Last year she hand delivered a present to our house!) She asked me if my son was having a party (he was) but I said that he was just having a very small group of friends as my son was adamant he didn't want to invite him. She said she thought she had seen him with some invites and was worried that her son wasn't invited (which is true!). I managed to bluff my way through.

Two days later my son was given an invite to Jack's party. I plucked up the courage to call her with an excuse. I was a bit staggered when she said it was such a shame because my son hadn't been able to go last year either because it had been an inset day and I was taking him to my parents' (she'd remembered!!!!!). She suggested that my son go for tea on this kids actual birthday to make up for missing the party, I made yet another excuse. She's now asked me to come up with a date when he could go for tea - and said that if he's doing a lot of after school clubs she would even collect him from the club and take him back home even if her son wasn't doing the same club!

I feel like I'm being stalked... am I being unreasonable? My kid really doesn't want to go for tea and she's just not getting the message. I don't want to cause any upset and I hate confrontation but it's getitng really ridiculous. Anyone have any suggestions?

Tricky. By age 9, your boy should be able to sort out his own social life and mums should bow out.

Tricky one but would it hurt if he just showed his face for an hour?, as other folk have said it won't just be 'Jack', other kids will be there too. I am very geneous and often give friends gifts to say "i'm fond of you" , maybe this lady is just REALLY wanting her Son to do well in his social life. If she insists on other things i.e. trips or outings be prepared!, when you go say how busy you're going to be etc. As people have said these people haven't been nasty to you and how often as adults do we have to put up with something to make someone else happy?, i do it now and again!! . It might mean a lot to this woman and 'Jack'!!. Stalker is a bit of a strong word and only comes to mind when someone is been continously persued and followed not a woman coming with a well-meaning gift. I'de go just for an hour if it was me. Hope you do what's best for you though, good luck.

OP - I think Lingle's post gives the best suggestion here. Good luck!

The problem with that, Mybaby, is that once he's shown his face at the party once it'll be assumed that they're BFF and one-on-one playdates will be arranged. And although yes, I go to social events that I'm not keen on as part of a larger social contract, I do not expect to have to endure one-on-one social events in my own house with someone I actively dislike.

The OP's son is nice to Jack at school, and if that leads to increasing numbers of out-of-school social events which he loathes, will be effectively 'punished' for that.