9 year old daughter doesn't enjoy sleepovers - what to do?

[MissRead]

I know the short answer is not let her go to them but it gets awkward explaining why she doesn't want to. Trouble is she just doesn't enjoy them very much - she hates the lack of sleep, the girly bitchiness and silliness that can happen and is generally not keen. I can see her point - the odd time we've had friends to stay here they are a complete pain and nobody ends up having a decent night, but I don't know whether I should put that aside and encourage her to go along with what others seem to enjoy.

Any other girls who don't love sleepovers?

Oh yes.....my 14yo dd used to like them, but once the girls get a bit bitchy and won't let her go to sleep (which she really needs!), she really needs to leave. It's fine if it is at home as I can go and read the riot act after about 1pm, but she now leaves them about 11pm and we go and pick her up.

I reckon 4 people or less at a relatively sensible house is probably OK!

My dd2 is okish with sleep overs - but I only one child at a time to visit and strict lights of and sleep by 10.30pm which menas 11.30 in realisty.

I can't be doing with sleepless nights and 2am stuff

dd2 has phoned me from 2 sleep overs to come and get her when it is late and the sillyness and bitchyness gets to much and this means I don't have to much trouble insisting on the rules above

Why can't she go in the evening and you pick her up before bed? If I had a brownie church parade or was visiting grandparents the following day that's what my mum did!

She is a sensible girl; sleepovers at this age generally* mean very little sleep and feeling dreadful for it the next day. DD comes home exhausted from Brownie Pack holiday each year.

*Not in my house, though, I make them go to bed early.

I don't blame her either but it's difficult explaining why she doesn't want to go as other girls seem to enjoy them so much. Think it would be much the same if I suggested picking her up before bed, nobody just accepts what you say do they?!

It's difficult to say 'sorry, she really doesn't enjoy them. I will come get her before bedtime so she doesn't miss the main part of the party, though.'

Of course, I don't have a girl but I was a girl and I hated them.

I don't have girls, only boys but we don't do sleep overs here which I hope discourages people from asking them to stay over. Ds1 (15) has slept over at a friends once after a birthday party and has never asked again. Ds2 (14) slept over a few times when he was 11/12 but twice phoned me to pick him up when "something wasn't right." He has never explained this and I would not allow ds3 (5) to sleep over anyway.

I have been told that it will be difficult for them when they have to go away with the school and are not used to being away from home but both ds1 and 2 have been on school holidays with no problems.

I would just say "she would prefer not to stay overnight so I will pick her up at 9.30".

MissRead - lots of kids don't enjoy them, it shouldn't be a big deal. Just say she likes her own bed so you'll pick her up at x o'clock - if they start (overly) encouraging her to stay or asking a lot of questions just say that she's got to an age where she understands that if she's tired she has a terrible day the next day and would rather go home to sleep :) Makes her sound 'gown up' and not babyish which should help with her friends.

Dd hated them and still does at 15.
She likes going to sleep early, doesn't want to eat crap food at midnight and hated all the girly DVD watching, shrieky stuff.
So we didn't do them...told my friends we didn't, and dd was quite open about it to her friends.
On the rare occasion she has had (one) friend to stay the night, they are in bed by 9.
I wouldn't want a weekend ruined by a houseful of girls/boys, up tll all hours, then vile the next day.

This is really reassuring to hear as DD (11) dislikes sleepovers too.

She's been to 2 successful ones where it was just her and the host girl but there have also been 2 where we've had to pick her up -these were ones with about 4 or 5 girls.

She just dislikes the giggling and silliness once shes at the point where she wants to go to sleep. She is foul the next day if she's not had enough sleep and I think she recognises this.

As an adult, I hate staying at other people's houses too!

I think my DDs must have very boring friends because they are all voluntarily asleep at about midnight, and according to friends' mums, no shrieking goes on. Definitely no bitchiness because they are all very close friends. Are they missing out or something, lol?

Cultivate those friends.
They sound perfect

I think its good to encourage children to go with what they feel when they do not enjoy stuff that it seems 90% of others do; it helps them resist peer pressure also there is no need to like sleepovers or football or a certain TV programme/game/music just because everyone else does.
by encouraging her to be true to herself it will help her stand her ground when there is peer pressure to do something that might be more harmful, knowing she needs sleep and that bitchiness is nasty and unhelpful and a bit scary is a sign of maturity you can be proud of your daughter for not wanting to,and having strength to say so,she just needs a bit of help wording it diplomatically... if she did want to go that would be fine too

Agree with Sarahtigh. Good for your DD. I hated sleepovers, and still hate sleeping in other people's houses now.

Definitely let her go with her feelings, after all you'll be relying on her to trust her gut instinct regarding friendships and situations she feels comfortable in in a few years. I would never expect any of mine to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable and they don't enjoy.