I know you will think this is very wrong of me but.....

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

I am starving my children to teach them a lesson!

The story is that dd, for 3 weeks now, has been refusing her meals. She sits there in front of it, perhaps occasionally picking up a single carrot or eating all the pasta that has not been tainted with sauce of any kind. She will then eat her pudding and ask for more dessert. Ds does the same, although admittedly he has been ill recently, but today he has eaten chocolate, yoghurts and compotes without any objection, yet when given his pasta dish, he threw a wobbly that the pasta was mixed in with the sauce and threw the lot across the table.

Sooooo, we have had enough. They have never had anything different to what we have had. We have tried the approach of just taking it away, giving them their pudding and that's that, but that is what they have been living off for 3 weeks now. They've recently started becoming fussy over their breakfasts too.

I'm not one to make an issue over food, but after watching dd again move her food around her plate with a sulky face, and witness ds throw his food all over the table, we have decided on drastic measures.

They get a drink of milk at supper, a drink of milk at breakfast. Absolutely no snacks of any kind. Dd goes to school with just milk inside her, hopefully she will eat her lunch. At tea-time they do not get any dessert unless they have eaten well, if they have not eaten their lunch they do not get any tea. We are hoping that they will get so hungry they will start eating again.

So you can condemn me now!

I'd go with all of what you've described except the no breakfast thing. You must have heard people say "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day" - and it's true. They have found that children who forego breakfast have poorer attention spans in school etc.

breakfast

Sorry - article is written for kids so a little simplistic

The pasta on the fork thing sounds like typical toddler frustration; I want to eat the pasta, I want to eat it with a fork like mummy and daddy, waaaaah can't do it, tantrum time. Rather than deliberate disobedience deserving of punishment.

Tbh, if my mother had tried to force me to eat pasta mixed with sauce, I would have gone on hunger strike. Foods mixed together were disgusting, for some reason I don't understand (although Bobbybob's point was interesting). The thought of eating them was repellant.

I never make excuses for children as I know how manipulative they can be.

However....I find that I get low blood sugar and go a bit wobbly if I dont eat breakfast and have noticed that ds is the same. He is difficult when he comes out of nursery but as soon as he eats something he is fine.

I totally agree with what you are doing Cliff and will be doing the same thing.

...but...i do think you should offer breakfast!

Ok, sent them both to school/creché with just a glass of milk so now feel fascist! The idea was to starve them both for a couple of days so that they would eat anything I put in front of them!

This is something that has been gradually getting worse. They used to eat, until about 5 days ago, a big bowl of porridge every morning, but now neither of them will touch it, so I'm not offering it. If dd asks for breakfast tomorrow she can have some, a tiny portion. The portions will get bigger if she continually eats it all.

Ds knows exactly what he is doing. Yes he was hungry yesterday and he was frustrated in not being able to get the pasta onto his fork, but he tried twice, then threw his dish across the table. I understand frustration but I do not agree with tantrums. So the meal was taken away and he had nothing. He had a glass of milk at supper-time and he's had a glass of milk today, so hopefully the creché will tell me that he ate all his dinner, which, incidentally, is the same meal he threw across the table yesterday!

He is old enough to start learning that actions have consequences. And if he is badly behaved at the table, his food is taken away.

I'm fed up of them both spoiling tea-time. It becomes a cajoling exercise to get them both to eat. And I have catered a little for them, but dd cannot live on plain pasta, it's just not on. She doesn't say that she doesn't like the sauce, and she hasn't always behaved like this, I think she just can't be bothered to eat it, and once she has eaten all the pasta there is no room for the sauce. So from now on it gets mixed - sorry!

It is very frustrating when you make good healthy meals from scratch for them both, only to see that meal untouched on the table whilst dd is either playing games with her fork, or ds is looking at ours (the same meal) and whingeing constantly. They are picking up all sorts of coughs and colds and I am convinced that this is because they are not eating well. So if this is the only thing that will work then so be it. Believe me, I've tried everything else!

Have you been watching the house of tiny tearaways? Lots of useful tips on how to deal with food refusers.
Staying calm and not showing a jot of anxiety even when they don't eat their food is one of them. Encouraging them with sticker charts another. Sitting with them and enjoying your food alongside them another.

Don't get that in France. We always eat with them and we always try to stay relatively calm, which is hard when ds is hurling objects across the table, trying to tip his chair and whining very loudly. We do put him down, but then he tries putting his head on my lap, grabbing my arm, screaming at me, anything to disrupt me!

He would run rings around Gina Ford I'm convinced!

I can see exactly why you're doing this, been there with DD1 who was a nightmare with food.

But I always gave fruit, even if for breakfast, instwead of cereal or toast.

Also, may not be what you want to hear, my sister has a tiny appetite, and is tiny in size, and she finds that if she has too long a gap between meals, then she is so hungry that just a tiny portion fills her up.

Absolutely not condemning you!

I don't see what else you can do tbh. you can't continue like that and they have to eat! It drives you nuts doesn't it. ds1 was always a fab eater, homemade fishcakes and broccoli he'd wolf down. ds2 is a living nightmare. I have to feed him pudding and a savoury AT THE SAME TIME or he won't eat it. I can't not give him food because he's only 14 months and slightly underweight but it does drive me insane. He starts nursery in January and I am praying that sorts him out.

If they were consistent with patterns of their eating then that would be fair enough. For example dd does not like mash at all, so I never give her mash, she hasn't changed her mind and she's tried it plenty of times, but she simply doesn't like it. But their eating habits are irregular. Both of them used to be fine, dd can be a good eater when she wants, but she is going through a very fussy/can't be bothered stage atm that I'm not going to put up with. And as for ds, he's just throwing tantrums all the time and I'm not putting up with that either!

Bloody kids!

I'm just writing a piece about picky eaters - expert advice is to not let your emotions show, give them their food, chat about something else, don't pressurise or say "if you eat four more mouthfuls you can have pudding", just leave them to it. If they eat after a reasonable time, great. If they don't, remove their meal without comment. Don't give them anything else - and don't let them fill up on liquid. Picky eating is usually more about getting attention - they don't eat, you panic and do anything you can to get them to eat something. Hey presto, you are in the middle of a vicious cycle. One thing that jumpred out from their post is that you might need to cut back a bit on their drinks, too. (obviously, not to the point where they dehydrate!) But if they are having a big drink of milk before they start to tuck in to their meals this could be half the problem as it will be filling them up. Also, try to make mealtimes appear to be a nice experience, so don't let them see they are getting to you, even if you are seething inside. It's all about the double bluff!

Have you tried the "bowl of bits" (wrote that "bowel" of bits first time round!)? It works on the rule of three. Three of anything, in little piles on a plate or in a bowl. Three raisins, three cubes of cheese, three little strips of ham, three cheerios, three grapes, three bits of apple, three tiny squares of bread with dairylea on, three pasta shells, etc etc etc and the rule is that they have to eat everything and then they can choose one thing to have another three of.... iyswim. It takes out the stress and they tend to eat the lot. You could change it every evening - just what you have in the fridge - and introduce pasta shells in sauce or whatever. Start off with around four or five different things - it is amazing what you can find three of. If it looks like a small amount, you need to remember that when they are fighting over food, they tend to eat bugger all. Generally works well with fussy eaters.

Doesn't 'three' look funny when you write it lots?

My ds is the same - 21 mo. He sometimes eats and sometimes doesn't. Tho I find if he's TOO hungry or TOO tired he has a tantrum rather than eat. and I find a few sips of milk or a few mouthfuls of something nice (grapes or something) takes the edge of his hunger and he calms down a bit. Dinner can sometimes take an hour tho as he grazes rather than eat his plateful in 1 go. He doesn't seem to mind cold food - yuk.
ps he also hates mash and has to have boiled - but eats the skin! weird boy.

interesting about pudding..do you always have puddings, we have them so rarely that they would have starved if that was all they were eating!!

When I was a hv, I remember a child who would eat nothing else but m and s prawn cocktail sandwiches. She would pick out the filling and eat it, lick the bread and chuck the rest. Imagine she is a thunking great twenty something now, fighting with her own kids!

Thanks for the ideas. NorwegianFir2 I am giving them milk only in the mornings and evenings, never with a meal. They usually have watered down orange juice with their main meal.

Just wondering what do you suggest for ds who throws a wobbler every meal time? If we get him down from the table he just annoys me, he won't sit away from us and we can't put him in another room as our house is open plan.

Puddings are not something I do, I give the kids a yoghurt or compote after their main meal, for the Vitamin C, they don't have a 'big' pudding by any means!

Kids of 2 & 3 I used to look after as an au pair went though a long stage of only eating "white" pasta - ie with a bit of butter or olive oil and cheese. DD is almost 3 and is starting to go thorugh the same phase, in askign for plain pasta with oil & cheese. She's not bad at eating odd bits of carrot, broccoli or meat though, so I have no problem in letting her have simple pasta.

I tend not to offer puddings anyway, but encourage yoghurt or fruit.

we're not big pudding eaters either. fruit, yoghurt and the occasional ice cream or bit of chocolate. gggimmesnowsnow, love the idea of the three. will try that at lunch on terrible second child and report back!

Kids of 2 & 3 I used to look after as an au pair went though a long stage of only eating "white" pasta - ie with a bit of butter or olive oil and cheese. DD is almost 3 and is starting to go thorugh the same phase, in askign for plain pasta with oil & cheese. She's not bad at eating odd bits of carrot, broccoli or meat though, so I have no problem in letting her have simple pasta.

I tend not to offer puddings anyway, but encourage yoghurt or fruit.

I still hate certain combinations of texture - things like skin on custard/ice cream with apple crumble, and I do find that I tend on occasion to eat the individual components of a meal separately, rather than put a bit of everything onto my fork.

not sure what happened there...

gggimmesnowsnow, I would do the 3 thing with dd as at her age I'd feel I was pandering to her, iyswim, and ds is too young to understand the "eat everything" concept. He'd eat the 3 raisins then tip everything up yelling and screaming because he'd want more raisins!

Sorry, that should read "would not do the 3 thing". Might try this on ds when he gets a bit older though, if he's still fussy.

Rhuby? Keep us updated - I'm at that same place with DS1 & " now, DS1 was always picky and DS2 is starting to copy his big brother. DS2 is a loud wriggly little thing too so can't even get him to stay at the table some days. I think I'd be willing to go the uncompromising route too (but will wait to see who cracks first in your house )

Will do!