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Parenting

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Original poster

Saying no to 10 month old?

15 replies

Vegasgirl · 18/08/2011 16:28

My DH and I are wondering if we should be starting to very gently say no when DD crawls where she shouldn't etc. However as the product of a loving but overly strict upbringing I am determined that that will not be the case with DD but I don't want to go to far the other way either.

We thought maybe we should be saying no then distracting her. I am scared this is too much like discipline at too early an age and I don't want to be unnecessarily negative or confuse or upset her. Are there any books that could help me navigate this and boundary setting etc in the future? I would say my parenting style so far has been based on attachment parenting.

Thanks

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Paschaelina · 18/08/2011 16:32

Teaching her No is not negative. Its sensible.

AMumInScotland · 18/08/2011 16:36

If you very gently say No and don't do anything else, then your child won't have the faintest idea what No means - you could just as easily be saying "frog". If you want her to understand that when you say No you would like her to stop what she's doing, then you will have to intervene and stop her each time, while saying No, until she realises that the word and the stopping are connected.

But at 10mo you would be doing it a lot of the time, and probably not getting much result from it, as they have short attention spans and wanting things is much stronger than any memory of you stopping her from doing it before.

Distraction is a good first line - save the No/stopping her for things that are of high importance, rather than just your preference.

splatapus · 18/08/2011 16:36

I do say no to my 10 month old. But then move him away/give him something else to play with and be quite positive about it all rather than being a really cross "NO" if you see what I mean.

It is something they need to learn - no matter how much we love them there are some things they cannot/should not do.

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VelvetSnow · 18/08/2011 16:36

My dd is 10 months, whenever she goes near something she shouldn't we say louder than normal conversation "It It It" This grabs her attention, and when she is looking at us we say No. If she continues then I move her away from said thing repeating No.

Seems to work.

The "It It It" thing is a family thing - all the kids gets it.

RitaMorgan · 18/08/2011 16:42

You can say No but don't expect it to have much effect

Easier at this age to just keep unsuitable things out of reach or blocked off.

Original poster

Vegasgirl · 18/08/2011 16:46

Great thanks, that is what we thought but weren't to sure when was the right age to start. Any books?

OP posts:

bail · 18/08/2011 19:50

At 10 months we started saying No to DS re. touching the TV/Sky box/speakers. A gentle and quite assertive No. We would pick him up and move him to the bookcase. Sometimes he would crawl back immediately, but we would calmly repeat process.

At 13 months, DS does not go within a foot of TV area. It is like he has completely accepted that it is a no-go area.

bail · 18/08/2011 19:54

Oh and we are very very limited about saying N . O.

To the extent that DH and I spell out the word.

We use NO only where there is danger.

We use STILL for when he tries to move when nappy changing (works a TREAT!)

and GENTLE when he is hair pulling.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/08/2011 19:54

Agree with splatapus. Keep at it - a good firm no, and then distraction/removal
she won't give a monkey's at the moment, but at some point in the next year the penny will drop.

matana · 18/08/2011 19:55

DS is 9.5 months and we've started saying no to him when he gets something potentially dangerous more than every day items. So if he manages to grab a cable from underneath something (he's remarkably industrious at getting things we thought we'd put out of his reach) we say no, remove him from it and give him something else to distract him. He's already beginning to understand the word, although obviously at this age it doesn't have much impact. But when we say no there's definitely a look of recognition in his face before he carries on his own sweet way regardless!

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 18/08/2011 21:51

Ds is 18m and i choose not to use no as a "command". we keep things out of reach etc and keep no/stop for very rare emergencies. In those instances our tone is enough to be effective. As he gets older ds wil understand why he can't touch/do certain things rather than not doing them just because we say so. Till then we just alter the environment.

This is based on an unconditional parenting philosophy (from the book by alfie kohn). It isn't for everyone but it does tend to appeal to people who are more AP inclined and as you are looking for book recommendations i thought i'd throw it in.

NoTeaForMe · 19/08/2011 08:43

We say 'no' to our 10 month old. We call her name and distract her when she's playing with something she shouldn't or crawling towards something she shouldn't. But she has started biting my clothes and therefore me (she's teething.....again!) and for that I say 'no' in a firm voice and I put her down-I obviously don't leave her, I then distract her and play with something else with her. She doesn't understand the 'no' at all but I'm hoping in time she will, and she'll understand being removed from the situation.....don't know when she'll get that though!!! We also have a pet and when she starts strokinh him we say 'gently, nicely' etc but when she starts pulling at his ears etc I do the same as when she bites me. Have no idea if we're doing the right thing, but I do believe that she has to learn 'no' at some point, and I think you should start as you mean to go on!

MockingbirdsNotForSale · 19/08/2011 09:45

My 10 month old understands no. If she's on her way to pull something over like the bin I say no and she stops and looks at me; I then say Good Girl!

VeronicaCake · 20/08/2011 16:43

We started saying no at 10m or so. But it was a gentle no before we moved her away from something dangerous. We didn't sound cross and it obviously didn't upset her.

Now that she is 15m we find it better to focus on saying what we do want such as 'wait' 'be gentle' 'be careful' etc and reserve no for the absolute no situations like 'no hitting'. She understands a surprising number of these instructions (for someone who can only say quack).

madmomma · 22/08/2011 20:49

I really recommend the book 'children are from heaven' by John Gray. It's part of the famous Mars & Venus series on relationships. I've used it for years and I found that it really sorted my head out about how to enforce boundaries without being too strict. It's a very gentle book, but extremely effective. And there's loads in it that is relevant to babies and toddlers.

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