Parenting books?

[jenna13]

My dd is 5 wo tomorrow, and things have mostly been going ok so far i think. But recently she has started screaming every evening, starts about 6/7 we usually can get her settled by 10 (ish). I thought i'd buy some parenting books to see if there was anything i could do and check i havent been doing anything wrong, as i really dont have a clue what i'm doing most of the time. I started reading the Gina Ford contended baby 1st year book yesterday and its made me really panic. It said i should only be feeding her every 3 hours and if she feeds more often than that it could cause colic. It also said that she should be feeding for at least 25 mins to make sure she's properly emptying my breat. So far my dd tends to feed every 1 and a half hours during the day and every 2/3 hours at night. She generally feeds for 10-15 mins but sometimes only for 5-10. I dont really have any sort of routine i tend to just do whatever i think she needs at the time. Is that why she is screaming in the evening? I've no idea how i would make her go three hours between feeds in the day without letting her cry which i definately dont want to do. Can anyone recommend any other books that i might be able to get on with a little bit better?

I tried baby whisperer, rubbish for me, but others rave. Tbh I think some babies suit a routine, and would probably find it regardless of any book, and some don't.

Mine was very much like yours. You sound to be doing great job, feeding every 3 hrs for 5 wo is very normal, unfortunately!

No one knows what colic is or even what causes it, so no, you havent' given her colic.

Our ds's screaming was just because of wind - try winding your dd lots, maybe try a nice warm bath? My dp sometimes used to get in with ds for half hour or so, calmed him down sometimes.

IGNORE GINA FORD!! She has no qualifications of any sort and has never had a baby of her own so has no direct experience of this at all. Seriously, throw this book away!

You sound like you are doing exactly the right things - breastfed babies SHOULD feed on demand otherwise you are ignoring their hunger signals. This can actually result in them having to switch off their hunger signals leading to huge problems down the line because they don't know they're hungry. Babies are very sensible - they know perfectly well when they're hungry. You're doing very well going by your instincts so far! Well done!

It sounds like you have the standard 6-12 week evening fussiness going on. In essence, they're starting to take in a lot more of the world and by the evening can be a bit overwhelmed. They fuss and cry and have to sort themselves out. As long as you're there with them, cuddling, giving comfort and helping them, then you're doing all the right things. If it's colic then you'll generally get more than three hours of inconsolable crying, which doesn't sound like what you describe. IME a lot of evening 'colic' is actually hunger - sometimes caused by exactly the sort of three-hour feeding regime you describe.

Most breastfed babies take a long time to start going three hours between feeds - DS has only started going 3-4 hours now he's nine months and on solids.

Also, FWIW I liked the 'What to expect the first year' book because it was completely non-prescriptive. It did just what it said on the tin - roughly what to expect at each stage and several possible strategies and ideas to try.

Oh yes second 'what to expect' - because it recognises that they are all different, yet still gives you suggestions.

Have you got a bf'ing support group you could go to? Found mine very helpful, with especially the sort of thing you are struggling with. Especially as my experience was so different to that of my friends who were ffing!

Throw Gina Ford out of the window. Buy "The Food Of Love" and "The No Cry Sleep Solution" instead, if you really want something to read (but especially the food of love). Cuddle your baby and feed her whenever she needs it, at this stage, your supply is just getting established and she is getting used to the world. Please please don't worry about routine for a long time. I found that we sort of fell into a routine at about 10 months anyway when DS was properly established on 3 meals a day and I had to sort the rest out around those.

You will be fine :)

The Food Of Love, BTW
And The NCSS for good measure

Congratulations on your baby.

Oh and re "what to expect the first year" - haven't read that, but if you come across "what to expect while you are breastfeeding", steer well clear of that one as well. I believe the author is in fact GF's breastfeeding advisor which explains why GF is um not so breastfeeding-friendly with her advice.

And ALL babies cry at 6-7pm, it's called the witching hour, nobody knows why they do it. Maybe they are just having some big conspiracy to fool us.

(The breast and bottle feeding section on mumsnet is wonderful too and full of knowledgeable, supportive people if you feel like dropping by just for a moan or to ask for suggestions.)

Thanks I'll have a look at those ones. I started reading the gina ford one last night while dp was attempting to calm dd and it just really confused me. I need to start trusting my own instincts at some point but it's scary!

Trust your instincts and you will be fine. I was trying to do Gina Ford but never seemed to be able to fit into her timings. My baby was a big baby and needed to feed more often. I have spent ages re-reading the book to find some solution and it made me feel quite stressed. There is short sentence in her book somewhere saying if your baby needs to feed more you should let her...
Babies come in different sizes and appetites etc. You cannot have one answer to all of them! I wish I knew that before giving birth.

For what its worth, if you can get away with it, try not to read any baby books as they usually have something in there that makes you panic. Even 'what to expect' which is the most innocuous of the lot DH dubbed 'what to feel guilty about in the first year' after he'd come home and find me weeping inconsolably as I'd read yet anything thing I was supposed to be doing which I wasn't (in fact hadn't even thought of) and therefore must be the worst mother in the world!

It seems impossible to trust your instincts when most of the time you feel completely clueless but take heart, it sounds like you are doing a fabulous job so your instincts must be good! As others have said the witching hour thing is normal - we tried everything to cure it - from trying to prevent overtireness, hunger, wind etc. It does just stop by itself and you will suddenly realise you've got your evening back (well until the next feed )

Sorry haven't read 'food of love' so don't wish to tar it with the same brush and agree with Bertie that 'no cry sleep solution' is a lovely read and actually made me feel better about things. It didn't work sadly, but that's another story!