10 yr old and 6 yr old. Fighting, arguing etc. What can i do?

[mckenzie]

DS is 10 and quite immature I think, DD is 6 and quite mature I think. DD winds DS up, he falls for it every time and reacts by screaming, shouting and threats of violence.

Sometimes he is actually violent, although perhaps physical would be a better description. This morning for example, I witnessed myself he just walked past DD and thumped her on the back. He says it because he's cross with her for having damaged the aeriel on his remote control car. This was noticed at breakfast this morning and we cannot be sure it was DD who damaged it although she had been manhandling it, even though DS had asked her to put it down.

Sorry, this is all TMI and too specific isn't it? It sounds petty when written down.
Basically, they are the best of friends sometimes but at other times, and I think it's probably 60/40, they are hateful and such hard work to parent and keep fair.

Yes, DD does wind DS up but that doesn't give DS the right to threaten her with physical actions or hit her does it? It's a bit like the chicken and the egg thing isn't it?

Any ideas please? It's extra hard this week as I'm PMT so today i last it big time with them and shouted from the roof tops. I feel calmer now I've decided to seek advise and put some sort of parenting plan into action but I don't know what

Bump please before I do something I might regret. I currently have them sitting at opposite ends of the table on the patio, in silence with no books or anything because their behaviour has been that challenging. Afternoons trip to visit Nan has been cancelled.

Mine are 12 and 5 both girls and argue a lot whaqt I do is sit one at the top of the stairs and one at the bottom, hall and landing are boring, no toys, nothing going on etc that usually sorts it, DH takes a different approach and makes them watch football for 10 mins (but your ds might like that )

I also reccomend nipping it in the bud before you egt too wound up by it, warn them if they don't stop it they will be seperated in time out. If they really push it after that then send them to bed early or take something off them.

hth and good luck summer hols can test your patience can't it

Bump please before I do something I might regret. I currently have them sitting at opposite ends of the table on the patio, in silence with no books or anything because their behaviour has been that challenging. Afternoons trip to visit Nan has been cancelled.

1. Congratulations - you're children are normal.

2. what you're doing sounds fine. Actions have consequences. They need to work out together how to play/share/co-exist. Too much parental refereeing slows that down.

3. sitting in silence to reflect on what's gone on is fine. Tell them also to think about how they would like family life to be like, and what they need to do to get that. Then allow them to talk about it - in private - but that if you hear either with a raised voice it's trouble for both.

4. then you have to really listen to their (joint) conclusions about what each will do in future. This can be really interesting - it won't necessarily give the "right" solution first time (IYSWIM) but it will give you valuable insights into the dynamic from their point of view.

5. Stay as calm as you can - ideally sound slightly bored. Tell them they can take as long as they like, in fact the longer the better!

Thanks Edith. I really appreciate your reply. We've had a bit if a family conference and they have both come up with a few ideas. Some are a bit extreme but we gave them all consideration. I'm not expecting a miracle but will keep positive and hope for the best.

Mine (11 and 9) are the same at the moment. I've just sent them both outside to give me a bit of peace and quiet, its my birthday and their constant squabbling is really starting to get to me!

hi Mary, I hope it did the trick and you had a good birthday.