Controlled crying DOES work! For me anyway!

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

Been having a problem with ds waking up at 4 and 5am and screaming and yelling until we bring him into our bed whereupon he settles immediately. However we are not entirely happy with this arrangement and have been trying to get him to stay in his own bed. Yet I've been too soft to leave him to cry.

He came back from creché after lunch and they said he hadn't had his afternoon nap, so I brought him home, played with him for a bit, read his books and then took him to bed. He has screamed and thrown a tantrum up there for half an hour. I went up just 10 mins ago to lie him back down and reassure him, but I did not get him up. Now he has finally gone quiet and probably to sleep! This is encouraging because when he wakes up at 4am tomorrow morning I know that he will go back to sleep again if I leave him, which is exactly what I intend to do!

All prepared to go with cc last night and he didn't wake up till 6.30 this morning. I'd forgotten what 8 hours sleep felt like, feel like I can do anything this morning!! Doubt it will last though so I won't be too smug!

He must have heard you!

Hmmm, one week later he tries again. Am mightily pissed off with him! You do the cc, you think you've cracked it, only for him to do the same thing all over again the next week - is it worth it?

He woke up at 4am, left him for 10 mins then went in, he was lying down still, tried to settle with a few "shhh's" and came out. After a further 10 mins dh went in and put the heater on, he was still lying down though. Another 10 mins and I go to fetch the Calpol, in case he's a little unwell, I give him a spoonful, check his nappy, and try to settle him again. Left him for 20 mins then dh fetches him some water. Left him for 20 mins then I go, put my head round the door to check on him but say nothing, then leave him. He settled half an hour later.

We return to England on Fri staying with dh's parents who also have their other son staying (following split from his wife) occasionally with his 2 children. If ds starts this at their house it would disturb the whole house and I'm not sure we could successfully do cc then.

WHY would he do this AGAIN! What am I doing wrong? He is fine this morning, not ill, his nappy was fine, he was not thirsty. So WHAT????

Yep, DD will have bad nights out of the blue and we never know why - suspect nightmares, or a bit of insecurity, who knows! As long as its occasional (it is, for her) I don't worry about it....but I DO understand the worry about being in someone else's house with night wakings: I was in Paris at my grandmother's a couple of weeks ago, and DD (understandably anxious on waking in strange bed/room) shouted to come into bed with me...and I let her, partly because I felt it was fair enough and in unusual circumstsances, but mostly because if I hadn't she'd have kept two old ladies and my tired neice awake. Are you staying htere long?

I don't think he had a nightmare, he was awake when I went in. He seems to be doing this every week so far! Same time.

We're staying at dh's parents for 2.5 weeks. And I know that if I relent once, then I'm in big trouble because he will almost certainly do it again the next night and all our hard work to get him to this stage will be for nothing.

It's just so annoying. He is 2 years old, he shouldn't keep doing this!

Ah. Yep, thats long - I was in Paris three nights, and she slept through the first two, so I had nothing to lose. I think if it were me, I'd talk to other house occupants and warn them we may have an 'unsettled' night or two on arrival - then cross your fingers it doesn't take any longer! Good luck! ps if its any consolation, I think some kids just DO wake more than others - my brother woke at night till he was over 2, my sister and I never did. Same parenting. Still annoying, but not your or his fault ifyswim

Cliff, you can try installing secondary glazing to the window. Ours cost £300 but was worth it as the window is big - almost the width of one wall. Ds's room is now warmer as well as letting less road noise in. I know how you feel as we are currently going through this with ds who is 18 mths old. He just doesn't want to be alone when he wakes. It's nights we struggle with as he has no issue napping during the day. We've just started cc and are going to continue with it. It seemed a bit better last night but if he chucks his ted out of the cot tonight we're doomed - he sucks the ribbon on it to death before succumbing to the all elusive sleep.

Cliff, how old is your ds? And how long does he cry for b4 he falls asleep?
My dd gets so angry if I put her in her cot at the moment I have to pick her up in case she hurts herself. Any tips??
I have to co-sleep with her to get any sleep at all.

Oh hello! Didn't notice this thread had been resurrected!

Expecting: our house is rented so we would need the landlord to install secondary glazing.

Erm, longnamed person. Yes ds did go through a phase of screaming his head off when I put him in his cot. I dealt with this like I dealt with his screaming at night. Lie her down and then go out of the room. Time it for 10 minutes and then go back in, say 'Time for bed' in a firm voice (but don't shout), lie her back down and go out again. Keep doing this, don't say anything else to her, after 40 minutes extend the 10 mins checking to 15 minutes. It might take her a while the first time you do this, I'm talking a couple of hours at least, but she'll be much better the second night. At the moment she knows that if she reacts crossly and screams, you'll take her out and put her in with you, so she's only doing what you've taught her.

Make sure she has an established routine going at bedtime, start preparing her for bed about an hour before she goes up, a nice bath, pjs, hot milk, a story, nice quiet activities and remind her that she'll be going to bed soon.

You have to be firm with them, they will tug on your heart strings, but if she's angry it's not exactly distress is it? How old is she? If you are afraid she will hurt herself, you can sit at the far corner of the room (is there anywhere where she cannot see you very well?) in the dark just to satisfy yourself that she's ok.

Good luck! Ds still tries it on, but he knows the routine now and his crying rarely lasts more than half an hour.

Yay! Two good nights in a row

She's nearly 8 months, she used to be amazing, go down awake and get herself to sleep but she had a terrible time while teething and then got a nasty cold so we've ended up in this situation. Desperate to get back to how we were.

Well, you could try the longer, but nicer approach, which is to stay in the room with them, in a far corner with the lights out until they go to sleep, then after the 3rd night leave the room just before they doze, then leave as soon as you put them to bed.

There is no easy solution. Controlled crying is a quick-fix solution in that it can work after just 3 days, but the first night is always horrendous and of course you get the mothers who simply haven't the heart for it, as it can be very heart-breaking listening to your child crying for you (read my previous posts). BUT, I've found the child always seems their bubbly self in the morning, and indeed if you do give in to them, they settle very quickly once with you, so they really aren't that distressed. Your dd sounds more angry than distressed anyway. It's up to you, but in your shoes I would go with cc and see how that works.

Does she have an afternoon nap? Where does she sleep for that?

Oh dear, spoke to soon. Three great nights, then disaster. I have a question...if ds cries and I go in to him after 5 mins, assuming he stops crying what do I do if he starts, say, an hour later? Do I wait 5 mins again or up it to 10?

oops i meant 'too'

Rhubarb - At the moment she's sick and sleeps on me cos she keeps stopping breathing while asleep, she's so congested and coughing like an old man. Before that she's nap in her cot in the afternoons but she'd have to fall asleep on me first.

Expecting, I would always give them the chance to settle themselves, so leave him for 10 mins then go up to check that he's not pooed, or anything like that.

Sadeyedladyofthelowlands whilst she is ill I would keep her with you. When she gets better you just have to start over from square one, sorry!

Bugger...

Thanks Rhubarb. The worst thing is that when he wakes he seems really distressed (cries a lot)and seems really frightened. Avoiding prolonged contact etc when we go in each time seems to make him cry even more at times. Would be interested to know if others have this problem and how they deal/dealt with it. We would love to reclaim our evenings (and our sleep).

Night terrors probably. I think the advice on this is to leave them for 10 mins as anything you do will make them worse. If he is still distressed then how about cuddling him in your arms, still in the darkened room, and when he calms down try putting him back.

Night terrors are horrible, but they don't usually last long.