Controlled crying DOES work! For me anyway!

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

Been having a problem with ds waking up at 4 and 5am and screaming and yelling until we bring him into our bed whereupon he settles immediately. However we are not entirely happy with this arrangement and have been trying to get him to stay in his own bed. Yet I've been too soft to leave him to cry.

He came back from creché after lunch and they said he hadn't had his afternoon nap, so I brought him home, played with him for a bit, read his books and then took him to bed. He has screamed and thrown a tantrum up there for half an hour. I went up just 10 mins ago to lie him back down and reassure him, but I did not get him up. Now he has finally gone quiet and probably to sleep! This is encouraging because when he wakes up at 4am tomorrow morning I know that he will go back to sleep again if I leave him, which is exactly what I intend to do!

[mymama]

Just wanted to add - local story here today of a woman who woke up very early this morning to her baby crying - she got up to check her and there was a burglar in the house and he was taking the baby!! He threw the baby at her and escaped.

[Twiglett]

mymummy

well you judge me to be cruel and unfeeling because I have no issue with leaving an older baby and toddler to cry themselves back to sleep because I read the cry as manipulation

and if I'm honest I judge you as a pushover who can't say no and is going to continue to have broken sleep until your child/ren just decide to sleep through on their own

hurrah for us .. we're judging each other beautifully aren't we

[melrose]

Really interesting reading this, as am trying to be brave and do cc with my 18 mo ds, who used to sleep through beautifully and has satrted waking at all times in the last few weeks. Last night tried leaving him and then going in every 5/10 mins - went on for 1.5 hours until I eventually lay on his floor (what I normally do as refuse tyo bring him into bed) and he was asleep in 5 mins, know I have now sent completely the wrong messages! HELP!!

[melrose]

Also, re: comments earlier on heating, I have started setting the central heating to come back on for half an hour at 2am so house does not get too cold (goes off at 10.30 usuallya nd comes back on at 6)which seems to work well

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

mymama, when he starts to cry I go in and check for the usual - dirty nappy, signs of illness, whatever. But if you know your baby, you know that they have different cries. At 2 years old he is not a baby anymore. I don't mind giving him a cuddle, but he doesn't just want a cuddle.

I was going in to him every 10 minutes, but tbh after an hour and a half of doing this, he was waiting for the 10 mins knowing that we would go in to him, so we decided to leave it longer. This worked and he went to sleep after a further half an hour.

He tried again this morning at 6am, I went in to him, put on the heater and came out, after 10mins he settled himself.

blueshoes, yes we do have to re-train every now and then! He'll be ok now for a month, then he'll try again. He is very stubborn and very persistent! But with dd she was very good, once she was sleeping through we had no further problems with her apart from the occasional nightmare or illness.

[blueshoes]

Cliff, Elibean - don't you just love the persistent ones who test boundaries. Can't get enough

[Hulababy]

Well, I am happy to be judged as cruely by you mymama - mainly because I know and I am very confident that I am not cruel really. I did leave my DD, then 20 months, to cry whilst we did this for a few days (very limited period of time really). But she was in no way harmed, she is in no way scarred by this experience and infact the end result was actually so good for both her and me (and DH) that the need toleave her crying was worth it. We needed sleep. When I am at work all day I cannot be up at 5am, or more times too, during the night. Even on my days off I can't - because I would spend the day shattered, as would DD. We'd get nothing done and we would both be grumpy and more prone to snap, etc. After a few days of CC we both got loads more sleep (see my diary done at the time) and everyone was so much happier at night and diuring the day.

It is now 2 years later and DD does generally sleep through no problems still. There is the odd time she wakes and the odd time she still comes in to our bed. But mostly she is a bright, alert happy little girl with no issues as a result of CC for less than a week.

[Hulababy]

Cliff - glas it continues to go well

[Elibean]

On the heating issue: we leave our heating on, but the thermostat turned down to about 60 (old fashioned thermostat!) so it only comes on if the house gets really cold. That way, its never freezing - but doesn't get too hot. I also turn the rads off in DD's bedroom and ours. Works beautifully, for us.

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

We don't have central heating

[mumfor1sttime]

I did controlled crying with ds. He was 6 weeks old.
Me and dh had no idea it was called 'controlled crying' at the time, all we knew was that we needed sleep.
We started off with a bathtime,cuddle and bottle routine, and then put ds to bed in his own room. I honestly cant remember how long he cried for, think it was 15-20 mins. He then laid there quiet before dropping off to sleep.
This lasted just a few days, we have never looked back. Ds has slept from 7pm to 7am since then, he is now 10.5 months. He has never woken in the night. Dont think I would know what to do if he did!!
He is so in tune with his bed time routine that he is always ready for his bed/sleep and when we put him down to sleep, he settles straight away.
I think he feels very secure in the fact that he knows the routine for bedtime.
I dont thin leaving a baby of any age to cry in their bed is cruel. The parent will know if there is anything wrong by the type of cry.

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

I think 6 weeks is a little young though. We've all felt that knackered phase when they are newborns, but at 6 weeks you just accept that this is part and parcel of having a new baby. Mine were both in our bedroom until they had outgrown the Moses Basket (usually 3 months) then we transferred them to their own cot in their own room. I still went to them at night though to feed. I didn't do CC until they were much older and I was satisfied that they were no longer wanting or needing a feed at night, around 6 months old I guess. Dd slept through earlier than this and we only used CC very briefly. Ds was 8 months old before he slept through, when I decided to drop b/f and give him bottles. But he still tries it on every now and then, and he is much more stubborn than his sister!

I do agree though that you can disguish their cries, his is an angry cry, kinda "how dare you not come to my every whim and need!", when he is distressed it sounds very different.

I wouldn't not do CC though just in case there might be a burgular trying to steal my baby!

[mumfor1sttime]

I agree that maybe 6 weeks was a little young. But we didnt expect it to work so well, we were just trying different ideas and it just clicked for us. He only ever used to feed twice in the night anyway, and dropped these feeds after 4 weeks.
Ds was in his own room in a moses basket, we kept our bedroom door open and his bedroom door open. We have such a tiny house, it was like having him in our room anyway!

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

Hey no probs! If you have a lovely little boy who is happy and content then no worries eh?

I'm just jealous!

[Elibean]

Sorry, Cliff, wasn't assuming everyone had CH - just our solution. When we're visiting relatives (with much colder houses) I put lots of cuddlies and soft blankets in with DD, so she can make a nest if needs be - doesn't take care of cold noses, but she does burrow her hands in!
Agree about different cries, and feeling your way on that one....though wouldn't do it with a very young baby myself, either. TBH, it would worry me to hear a tiny baby go quiet after crying for 20 minutes - they learn to do that, when very young, very fast. They know there's no point in carrying on. But... they're learning about trust and getting needs met at that age; responding day or night, for the first few months, made sense to me.

[mumfor1sttime]

Im sure it will all change! He is very content and doesnt cry much. Think I have struck lucky! Do worry if I have any more that I will have a nightmare baby that will never sleep as punishment!!

[Elibean]

Oops, X-post. Clearly not a case of unmet hunger needs for one little boy, then! Like I said, different parents, different kids, different solutions...

[mumfor1sttime]

I didnt just leave a tiny 6 weeks old to fend for himself. I did check on him - wasnt like I left the house or even shut his bedroom door! His cries were more like a whine. He didnt scream blue murder. I didnt enjoy doing it!
All I knew and wanted to know - I NEEDED SLEEP, DH NEEDED SLEEP!!- And I wanted a routine for bedtimes!
Simple request really. I didnt want to be getting up in the night! Who does??

[mumfor1sttime]

Agree elibean!

[melrose]

Ah I remember those days Mumfor1st, My DS slept sooo well until a couple of months ago (now 18mo), hence I am feeling a bit lost with this whole cc thing!! Waking up at all times crying for me and only going to sleep if I stay with him, think I am feeling brave enough to leave hi tonight though, any top tips?

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

Melrose, be prepared for a rocky time the first night. You have to agree to a strategy with your dh/dp and STICK WITH IT! If you do CC for an hour and then give up, then the next night he will cry for longer because he will remember that the night before you eventually gave in. Just go in every 10mins, reassure him but do not pick him up and do not stay too long. I usually say firmly "Bedtime. Go to sleep now." Then leave him for another 10mins before doing the same. If he's like mine and this goes on for an hour, then extend the 10 mins to 20 mins.

Be prepared for a rough night, but with the knowledge that the second night will be easier and by the third night you shouldn't have a peep out of him!

[UCM]

I am soooooo glad it is working for you mate, cos I know what it was like when I hadn't had any sleep. The Central Heating thing - I don't care what anyone says but I didn't have central heating when I was a child. I never had the cough/colds that most kids have now. BUT, I didn't live in Scotland either. I promise you, it's so much healthier for children to sleep with blankets/duvets. Admittedly the heating is on for one hour in the morning when we get up.

[UCM]

Also believe that everyone wakes up that bit quicker with no heating. But Hey there you go.

[mymama]

twiglett not a pushover - did cc with first child at 5 min intervals and worked. 2nd and 3rd child were put straight into cot in their own rooms the day they came home from hospital. I learned with 2nd and 3rd child that they need to go to bed while they are still awake. I am having trouble with my 2yo now at bedtime as he keeps coming out. I just keep putting him back without saying a word and I do let him cry for 10 mins but this is when he is going to bed not the middle of the night. I guess I should not judge on the 5am thing as it is obviously different lifestyles. I am out walking at 5:30 am so I don't find the 5:00am a problem. Very common for people in oz to be at gym or walking/running at this time. Daylight hits just before this.

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

Well my little treasure tried it on again last night! 12.30am. We left him for 10mins then dh went in to tuck him back in. After a further 10 mins he stopped and dh popped his head round the door to check that he was tucked in. He was fine after this. Little bugger!