dont feel like i can cope today

[jenna13]

can't stop crying today, so worried that my dd isn't feeding enough, feel like i'm constantly trying to feed her but she won't feed for long enough. she is 3 weeks old today. tried to ring my hv but no one answered. rand my dp and he just said to keep her on my shoulder and let her settle to sleep but i'm so worried that she hasn't fed enough. dont know what to do.

I have no experience but didn't want to read and run as you sound really miserable :( Why do you think she's not feeding enough? Does she seem hungry? My midwife told me a newborn's stomach is about the size of a 10p piece so fits in a lot less than we might expect. I hope someone with more experience can come and help you :)

my midwife told me it only counts as a feed if its over 5 mins. she keeps feeding for one minute then falling asleep. then she wakes up 10 mins later crying and hungry. thanks for replying. i'm so tired of feeling miserable and worrying about everything.

If she gets lots of very short feeds do those count if they add up? Sorry, probably not helping by just asking more questions. Have you tried phoning the NCT or a Breastfeeding helpline? Try not to worry, though I know it's hard.

Jenna have you tried ways to keep awake whilst feeding? squeezing (gently) her feet or tickling them and blowing on her face, that way she may stay awake longer to feed. (blowing on face worked best for me).

I remember a friend telling me that she wandered why she was getting so light headed at night and then realised it was because she was constantly blowing on LOs face to keep him awake to feed at night.

Try not to worry she will feed if shes hungry and sleep when shes sleepy.

It does get easier

i do the blowing on her face thing, sometimes works sometimes doesn't. my dp has decided to ask his mum to come round which is the last thing i want as she'll just take the baby off me and tell me to go sleep, i dont want to nap and i want to make sure my baby isn't hungry. and now carol mcgriffin on loose women is saying that people shouldn't need help with parenting as its the most natural thing in the world!! it really doesn't feel like it.

Hi jenna, How long has this been going on for? If it's just today it could just be a blip - ie an upset tummy from something you've eaten or similar.
It would be better if she fed for longer, she needs to get past your foremilk to the more filling hindmilk, which in turn will fill her tummy with more calories and enable her to go for longer, but if this is s short term thing don't worry too much.

I do agree with Natzer and Pippa, to try and keep her awake. I spent hours tickling feet and stripping clothes off to keep DD awake. Tickling under her ears will help too.

Don't worry, you're doing fine! Babies are actually very sensible and with this hot weather she may be more thirsty than hungry which is why she's been taking lots of little nips of foremilk rather than settling in for a long feed. Tell your MIL that you're fine with the baby but if she could put a wash on that would be SOOO helpful! Just keep feeding and cuddling the way you have been - if she's putting on weight (your daughter, obviously, not your mother in law...) then she's feeding enough. Some babies are just nip-and-nappers!

Sounds like you're doing fine and your dd is very lucky to have such a caring and loving mummy. Bf'ing is hard to get used to, dint worry about her being hungry most babies will get hungry quickly just cos they have small tummies it's nothing you're doing or not doing. Try keeping her awake but dint worry if she keeps feeding she's only little it takes a while before they can go longer between feeds. It sounds like you need a little break tho, maybe you could do with that nap...if you're worried about her not feeding if you nap then lie down next to her shell feed if she wants while you sleep. But read up on safe co sleeping if you do this- a quick google search should give you some info. Keep going you're in the hardest phase and it will get easier

If your MIL does come round and after she's done the laundry, go and have a lovely shower. You are coping. You are fully aware it should be for longer and trying out all the tactics. It's just worrying. The heat could beca big factor in this.

Hi Jenna

It seems never ending doesn't it?! As someone else has already said maybe it's because she's thirsty so needs a drink rather than a feed, this is kind of what she's getting from your foremilk. How long ago since she had a longer feed?

If I were you I'd re-post in the breast and bottle feeding section. There are lots of helpful and well informed people there waiting to help people! When my baby was tiny I spent hours on that section!!

Try not to worry, remember you are doing an amazing job.

thanks everyone, just had a very stressful hour with my mil, she is very lovely and did my washing up, made me a brew but then she took my dd off me for an hour saying she'd settle her to sleep, and my dd fussed the whole time because she wanting feeding (she kept rooting) i said to my mil that i wanted to feed her again and she just said she can't possibly need feeding again and kept trying to make me go and have a nap. so i spent the hour sitting on my hands trying not to show how upset i was getting. she last had a proper feed at some point this morning, can't remember when exactly, everything is getting muddled, and since then its just been on and off little feeds. i wish i could stop worrying. she has put weight on everytime she's been weighed but she hasn't been weighed now for a week and i'm really worried she might have been losing weight all this week without me realising. i dont mind the sleepless nights and the sore nipples, i just wish i didn't constantly feel like i was doing everything wrong and could stop worrying about everything from if she's feeding properly to worrying someone is going to steal her. sorry for rambling.

I remember feeling just as you do only a few weeks back, the sleep deprivation really makes everything worse, have you thought about expressing? That way your DH could perhaps feed her once or twice during the night, also it may help with your piece of mind that she is having enough.

Do you have any close friends or family that would be able to help you who would be alot more helpful and less judgemental than your MIL.

You really will feel more in control once you get some rest.

You sound utterly shattered. Tiredness takes your mind to a place you have probably never visited before. A new born is exhausting.

I would have a chat with your Health Visitor ( have you been assigned one?). And be honest with them on how you feel etc. Because they have heard every single word before and will understand.

Keep a note of feeds and what is happening. This is temporary, but it feels endless when in the middle of it and obviously you worry when it's not going to plan. Perhaps tomorrow if she has a decent feed you can get the pram out and have a good walk. It might help her settle and I used to walk miles and miles to keep a little sanity for myself.

Do try to find who your local NCT breast feeding person is because it does help to chat through this.

Jenna, can I ask you something?

Is she pink, bright-eyed and perfect and healthy? SHE'S GAINING WEIGHT. She is, I promise! Humans have been breast-feeding for hundreds of thousands of years. Your body, and her body, knows what to do.

If you are really worried about the amount she's taking in you can express, measure and give it in a bottle, it's sometimes reassuring. Also, check if her fontanelle is depressed, it's a way of checking for dehydration. DON"T freak if it's just a little bit sunken - that's normal!

She's not going to get stolen, I promise you. There's a reason every child-napping case in the UK ever has made it into the newspapers - it's incredibly rare. Like rarer than getting struck by lightning and getting a snog off Brad Pitt. It's just NOT going to happen (unless you're Angelina Jolie in disguise )

You won't stop worrying and you'll probably ignore this post because the first few weeks are so frightening and bewildering, but I can promise you a couple of things, firstly that you are doing absolutely fine, and secondly, it will start getting less scary soon. I PROMISE you it will.

And.... breathe, keep breathing, and enjoy your little one.

My DS does this. Try not to worry about feed times etc.

Ds is going through a very picky stage so I've just spent 2 hours laid down with him latched on the whole time! He wasn't feeding all the time, just kept stirring enough to have a little snack, I'd recommend this if it's possible!

I found Le Leche League to be far superior to my HV when it came to advice on breastfeeding - call them on 0845 120 2918.

Give a bf support group a call.

i've tried expressing and then getting my dp giving her a bottle but she point blank refused to take one. it ended up with her screaming and me in floods of tears and feeling horribly guilty because i knew she was only upset because i wanted her to take a bottle. i think i will give that number a call. feeling a bit better now, she just fed for 15 mins which makes me feel slightly better. also def not angelina jolie in disguise (if only, then i might be able to find some clothes that actualyl fit and wouldn't constantly smell of milk!)

You sound like a lovely mum who's doing her very best, so please cut yourself some slack. Your baby will have hungry days and less hungry days. Some days she'll be on the breast all day and you'll feel you've been stuck on the sofa without a break, and other days she'll sleep loads and eat less, which means your breasts will be quite full and uncomfortable. It's annoying, but babies have growth spurts and tired days and it all kind of evens out in the end. Remember too that a hungry baby will scream her head off and no baby will deliberately starve herself. Often a small baby will want to snack little and often - you're recognising that from the signals she's giving you and yes, it's exhausting, but it doesn't last forever (although it will feel like it does at the time!)

Please trust your instincts - they sound spot on. And crying is perfectly normal - your hormones are still adjusting and BFing is something you and your DD have to learn to do together and it can be bloody hard until you've got into a comfortable routine. Hope LLL were able to help - they were amazing when I had my first DC and so knowledgeable. HVs are clueless in my experience - all mine seems to know about is bottle feeding.

SORE NIPPLES!!! You didn't say that before. That might be the key to your problem RIGHT THERE! She's three weeks old, isn't she? Your nipples shouldn't be sore by now. You might need to get someone to check your latch! Ring a breastfeeding counsellor, or go to a baby cafe, somewhere there's someone who knows what they're doing and get them to watch her latch on. If she's not latching on properly then that might be why she comes off so fast. Don't worry, it's not something you're doing wrong, you'll probably find that they get you to adjust your position or hers a tiny amount. But that might well be it. Sounds as though she had a good feed earlier though. Good luck, have a good night.

Get your baby very close, side on, tummy to tummy. VERY CLOSE. Big mouth to latch and lots of nipple in. Have a look on youtube.

Take your baby to bed .Dont think about anything else -if MIL wants to help ask her to bring you meals etc and butt out on the baby stuff!
Do skin to skin as much as poss and relex and let your baby lead the way re:feeds
I had sore nipples and a BF counsellor helped me with latch etc.

I really struggled with breastfeeding too and had all the same anxieties even though baby was putting on weight. It's normal. It sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Little and often is normal, you are still getting your supply established, it's draining but the more frequent she feeds the more milk you will produce.

There is a fantastic website called Kellymom- it has very good advice on all aspects of breastfeeding.

Just to let you know that my dd has gone back to feeding like she normally does, feeling much better now, going to try and wash my hair and maybe even hoover the house today (very exciting life i have now) thanks for all the good advice :D

That's great news:) that possibly matches the theory that it was the hot weather and thirst

Great news Jenna. Don't overdo it and knacker yourself now, will you?
< waggy, bossy finger emoticon >