How do you make the kids understand?

[TheOriginalFAB]

DS1 has his 11+ test soon. We didn't start soon enough, I now realise, but we have booked a tutor which is going to be approximately £500. I have asked DS1 to do some more practice (he has done maybe 1 or 2 papers/tests) and he is refusing. His behaviour in the last hour has been awful and he has hurt his brother but he needs to understand if he doesn't work he will end up in a school which might not get the best out of him and he might end up having to take a low paid job and not be able to buy the things he wants.

It's not the end of the world. There are worse things that could happen than have a low paid job.

True.

I really just want them to be happy.

My main reason for wanting him to go to a grammar school is to get him away from the bullies he has to contend with now.

How far away exactly is the exam date?

The whole well-paid-job thing seems ridiculously far away when you're 11, and there are all those examples of footballers and entrepreneurs who didn't need any qualifications. How about getting him enthused about the facilities or the afterschool clubs at the grammar school, so he has something closer to aim towards? Also some mild bribery for doing practice papers might be the way to go.

Don't put too much pressure on, don't imply that he won't do well in life if he doesn't get in to grammar school. He might be too worried about failing to try, IYSWIM?

I do want to handle this right but I am scared of being too laid back about it. I need to find a happy medium. I have told him he is a bright boy (he is) he just needs to have more confidence in himself.

Sounds like you're being sensible about it :) Only you can tell whether he's feeling too stressed by it or whether he just would rather be out playing than practising.

I think the key is learning the right techniques to answer the questions, so short focussed sessions helping him on the bits he finds confusing is probably more useful than ploughing through lots of papers.

Does HE want to get to the Grammar? Does HE see it as a way of escaping the bullying?
All the tutoring in the world will not make him try his hardest on the day if his heart is not in the outcome.

He wants to go to the same school as his best friend and that will be the Grammar as he is getting 80's and 90's in his score. If his friend was going to the local secondary ds1 would want to go there.

When did your son break up for summer?

Yesterday. He has been doing practice most nights. He chooses how many and which and I wanted him to do it in the day so he could maybe have a dvd tonight.

Actually, that isn't right. He wanted to go on the x-box this morning so I seized my chance to get him to do some and then play.

I'm not surprised he's throwing a flaky if he's only just broken up for the hols, to be honest. He's probably trying to make you understand.

There are bullies everywhere. Just because its a Grammar school doesnt mean there will be no bullies.

I don't think that makes any difference as he has been doing 11+ practice in the evening after school.

I am trying to give him the best chance.

You don't think the fact it is the summer holidays will have any impact on his feelings towards swotting?

It sounds like you are causing a stressful atmosphere and sometimes the reaction to that is to scream and shout.

Plan some fun actvities. Spend a weekend not mentioning the test.