Didn't know whether to post details about the birth because I didn't want to stress out any pregnant m'netters, and also because I was hoping a few days/weeks would give me a new perspective.
But, I guess most m'netters looking at this thread will have had their babies so here is a very long post - sorry.
Background: I had a long (30 hours from 3 cm) labour for ds, I had an epidural which didn't fully work (mainly took on legs and feet but not on centre of stomach), midwife wouldn't believe epidural wasn't working and refused me any other pain relief. After day and night of painful contractions found ds's head had failed to descend fully, it was twisted to one side, and according to medics was too large for my pelvis anyway... so topped up epidural with lovely strong drugs and ds delivered by section. Took over 9 months before pain of section scar died down enough for me to touch my own stomach without wincing (according to dr it was nerve pain due to internal stitches).
This time: Wanted VBAC so that recovery would be shorter.
Over 2 weeks I had 10 days of pre-labour (ctx strong enough to wake me/make me gasp but not 'real' contractions).
Finally went into active labour (2am), got to hospital at 4cm dilated, membranes intact. Midwife very positive that baby would be born within next 7 hours.
5 hours later (lots of sitting on birth ball, staying upright,breathing etc), no progress. Membranes were ruptured. I was very despondant and asked for epidural as I was v. tired and knew I had at least 6 hours more to go.
Epidural didn't work fully, again, Then dh noticed the pillow behind me was soaking wet from the epidural - midwive called dr. back and dr. said the epidural catheter had moved a little but not enough to stop the epidural from working.
she topped me up with extra strong painkiller which worked in most places depending on how I lay (feet and legs numb so no more staying upright), was allowed gas and air as well. Managed pain with this combination for about 20 mins then pain got stronger... had to have maximum epidural top-ups every half hour to stop me shouting in agony, had dh massaging whichever part of me was not being affected by the epidural. Felt like complete wimp! Tired wimp!
Next internal, (6pm)found was fully dilated but once again, baby's head was turned in exactly the way ds had been.
This time, a wonderful midwife rolled me into different positions to encourage the baby to move - and she did.
Next internal (8pm ish) found baby in correct position and so pushed for 1 hour.
Next internal found baby had descended but, felt too big to get through pelvis (again). Signed consent form to go to theatre to assess situation, potentially use instruments but possibly go to section (I pointed out my preference was to go straight to section as I did not want to have to recover from a episiotomy and a section scar if instrumental delivery failed.)
A higher-up pain relief specialist dr was brought in, she gave me extra-extra strong epidural drugs and then I was wheeled off to theatre. At this point, unknown to anyone, the epidural catheter came out of my back completely. I went from having ineffective epidural plus gas and air to no pain relief with strong contractions every other minute, and the belief that I was having a section. As the pain got stronger I started shouting, I was strapped to the operating table by my ankles and the table was tilted from side to side as the dr thought that it was a small area that had no pain relief - I started screaming and was told off for 'being irrational' and that I was just upset because it was 'deja vu' after my son's birth.
This is the bit I keep reliving - screaming in agony, unable to see anyone's face, just hearing voices telling me I was upsetting the baby, being irrational, and implying that it was a psychological pain. I was petrified that they were going to perform a section when I had no pain relief, I was asking to be 'knocked out' but the pain relief dr told me that they couldn't take any notice of what I said because I was 'irrational', and spoke to dh instead. Dh said 'no general but re-site the epidural'. When they took the dressing off my back they, at last, found the catheter wasn't in place and understood why I was in so much pain. They then put in a new catheter and new drugs and for the first time since 2am I was pain-free. (11pm)
I was still insisting that if there was any doubt about the size of the baby that they go straight for section. My legs were up in stirrups so they could assess the situation - the senior reg reckoned the head was an okay size and the next thing I knew they had the ventouse on and I was told to push.
The head came out quickly with the ventouse - but the shoulders got stuck. Dh's voice went from wonder at the sight of his dd's head to panic as it became apparent that there were more problems. The medical staff hyperextended my legs and the sen reg manipulated the baby, and with the aid of a mega-episiotomy dd was born. Beautiful, and almost 9lbs (I'm 5 foot nothing, size 8-10, she was enormous for my build).
I am so grateful for my gift of a daughter and she is wonderful, but I keep reliving those minutes of fear, especially when people ask about contraception or the 'next baby'.
There was no feeling of accomplishment in having a VBAC, although I hope my physical recovery will be shorter than 9 months. (Still on max. painkillers for the episiotomy pain - I am a wimp )
Change of subject: Speech therapy - ds has a problem with drooling. He soaks 4 or 5 t shirts a day, and nursery have bought in special bibs for him. He is now 2 and 3 months, and for the last 6 months or so I have asked nursery staff etc. if this was normal and everyone has said ' some kids are droolers, just don't make him self-consious about it'.
Health visitor came round yesterday to see me and dd, whilst she was here she met ds (hasn't seen HV since he was 7 months), and saw the drool, asked about his speech and said he probably had poor mouth muscle control and speech therapy would give him exercises to build them up. So I probably should have taken him to drs or HV months ago. Am going to try to get him assessed by a private therapist rather than wait months for a NHS appointment as he's going to realise that he's the only boy in nursery to wear bibs soon.
Do I get a prize for the longest post on mumsnet??