tantrums in boy nearly 6...

[bellamom]

Help help help!!!

DS six in autumn, but terrible tantrums still persist...

often he argues with what we are asking or answers back or just starts shouting, crying, throwing himself on floor.

we try counting 1-2-3 to help him stop and if we hit 3, it's time out on the bottom stair. If he goes to stair, he screams and shouts and kicks for 10/15 minutes before calming down. My response is always 'when you are calm, we can talk' but it just seems an outrageous over-reaction to what was originally a relatively minor request in the first place where he simply wouldn't be quiet and LISTEN to what I am asking.

No behaviour problems at school, so how can I create good listening at home?

bump

Have you tried other sanction other than a step? He may be getting a bit old for that. Try removing toys, tv for example instead. You could try ignoring the tantrums altogether to show they are not getting the desired effect -leave the room for a bit?

thankyou for reply... you think too old for time-out?
yes i am thinking of perhaps removing toys... his bedtime bear seems harsh but it might work???

Has he always been a 'tantrumy' child?

DD has been and even now, at 8.5, can throw a good one every now and again though it has got much better over the years so there is hope!
We continued with the step until she was about 7 but then started to send her to her room as it seemed more appropriate.
Good as gold at school too.

Not sure if it helps but DS (5.8) has had ONE tantrum in his life - he was 4!!! Different children, different personalities - ho hum.

Keep being consistent and good luck!

No advice, but I am so glad it's not just me! Super at school too! Moral support for you bellamom.

Threatening to remove something from DD only works if the reason she has got/is getting into a state is because she has been asked to give something back that she has taken or has been arguing over eg toy of DS's/remote control. I then do the 'Well, what shall I take of yours, your current favourite toy/camera/cd/etc?' act which seems to work.
Other than that she just needs to be able to calm down and 'time out' works best for all concerned!

I think often the need to be good at school all day leads to 'letting off steam' at home. In this house it gets worse as end of term approaches & DS is tired.

Step still seems age appropriate for your DS. We have moved on to Nintendo going away for 24/48 hrs or when outright hissy fit 'til the weekend. Personally I wouldn't take bedtime bear as that is all about snuggly bedtimes.

Thankyou SO much for your replies, I am feeling so wretched about it and a little scared that maybe he has a mental disorder??? SO great to hear of other tantrums in this agegroup...

I just wish he would STOP and LISTEN before things escalate into full-blown drama... we try to encourage him to use words to express himself but he constantly resorts to shouting crying throwing on floor and kicking. It is heartbreaking.

Yes taking away bedtime bear seems too awful,,,i just can't think of anything else that would really matter to him...

My DD2 is 8 tomorrow and will still throw a tantrum if things aren't going her way. I find coming down on her hard is the worst thing you can do. It just makes her worse.
Some children find it really hard to deal with their emotions, and that's what a tantrum is telling you; that he needs some help to deal with his emotions.
Have a look at
www.ahaparenting.com/_webapp_3119683/Aggressive_tantrums
I always find this site has good ideas about ways to help with my children's behaviour.

I don't think you need worry that your DS has a mental disorder. If he did he would surely be like this all the time, and from what you've said, he is able to control himself and be as good as gold at school. Sounds like he just saves it all up for you!
I have sympathy, my DS will be 6 next month and I have similar issues at home with him. He seems very babyish and emotionally immature compared to his friends, he still throws tantrums and can be very whiney. However his teacher says he is one of the most sensible and mature kids in his class?!

I also have DS 5 1/2 who has bad tantrums, especially right now.
Think due to tiredness at end of term.
We use counting/ time out and this often helps to slow things down.
Good luck.

We borrowed a book from school called Trumpet the little elephant with the big temper. It was DS's suggestion not the teacher's !

You should feel amazing - he's doing well at school, so you've taught him well and he know how to follow the rules! Well done!!!! Yay!!!!

My almost 6 yo son is sometimes the same - we used to deal with him using a time-out, but as he's a bit older now, we find that taking away pudding or other special sweet treats works better (he's a sweet tooth). We also went to a zero-tolerance approach when he misplaced his manners a little while ago - a bit of tough love did him the world of good - it reminded him that we follow through.

Good luck :)