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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

i hate being a mum

51 replies

welliest · 30/06/2011 14:26

I dislike parenting, it frustrates me, distresses me and bores me to death. Have no idea what would be best for the children (3 & 1) .. I know everyone else has 'off' days, but i genuinely hate most of the time i spend with them, the whining, and hassling etc. I get incredibly frustrated and upset when i'm in their company. Don't know what would be right for them ; more childcare is obvious i suppose but i pleading - does it, will it, get any better????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/06/2011 14:35

Discuss it with your DP. Could he be the primary care giver while you become the main earner? If not, then of course more childcare is part of the answer, however if this is possible why have you not done this already.

In the long term you should explore the reasons for your feelings about parenting with someone who can help you.

mumonahottinroof · 30/06/2011 14:46

Parenting children that age can be pretty vile. I hated it when mine were 3 and 1 too. Now they're 6 and 4 and on the whole, I love it. Older children are just much more fun to be around. So yes, it gets a lot, lot better. I know what you're going through and I wish you all the best.

Original poster

welliest · 30/06/2011 15:16

thanks a mill mumonahotinroof.... i so hoping that perhaps it might get better.
dionethediabolist; i've already discussed with DP and he feeling much the same way as i am. I would love to become main earner but he wouldn't become primary carer, and i
haven't used more childcare cos i assumed i should limit it as much as possible for kids sake, and also financially it would be difficult

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mumonahottinroof · 30/06/2011 15:28

Do you have local friends with dcs of similar ages? That makes a big difference (I didn't when dcs were that age as had just moved). Could 3yo do, say, 3 hours a day in a nursery to give you a break? I've always worked and when my dcs were little, it was a blessed relief and I used to dread weekends and two days with dcs. Now I look forward to weekends and holidays and have cut down my work a lot to spend more time with them. I hope that gives you hope.

Original poster

welliest · 30/06/2011 15:51

:) yes that give me hope, thank god! I find that my friends are so happy with childrearing that i feel even more alienated if i try and speak with them about my problems. might try and do afternoons during the week with childminder- it's weighing up the cost etc, but i self employed so would make more money if i had more time

OP posts:

B52s · 30/06/2011 15:59

3 and 1 was difficult, 4 and 2 is better, am looking forward to 5 and 3.
It will get better.

2bayumimum · 30/06/2011 16:12

To hopefully give you the hope that it does get better, my 2ds are now 5 and nearly 3 and its a whole lot better already. Yes there are still moments, especially meal times, when I could pull my hair out, but there are more times when they are just funny, entertaining, loving and generally just brilliant to be with. Unfortunately no one tells you/prepares you for how difficult parenting can be, not until you are a parent ( bit like childbirth, no one tells you how hard that is til you've been through it ! ), and it comes as a shock, when its not the natural thing to do and you struggle, but honestly, it gets better x

mrsnw · 01/07/2011 19:45

Oh yes 3 and 1 was hell on earth. I would dread getting up! Now nearly 5 and 2 soooooo much easier. Hang in there but i know excatly how you feelx

mrsnw · 01/07/2011 19:45

I meant 5 and 3 sorryx

Original poster

welliest · 14/07/2011 16:54

oh thank god, thank god, thank god

OP posts:

peggotty · 14/07/2011 17:01

I hear you . I feel awful for looking forward to my youngest starting school ( he's 3.5, oldest is 6). But I've been a SAHM for 6 years and, my god, has the novelty of THAT worn off!! But it is absolutely easier now than when they were 1 and 4.

Tryharder · 14/07/2011 23:17

Why not go back to work FT and hire a nanny to look after the children? Not much fun for you and them if you are resenting every minute of the time you spend with them.

You will probably find that you enjoy them more if you see less of them. And i mean that in the nicest possible way.

BuckBuckMcFate · 14/07/2011 23:28

I didn't really enjoy 3 and 1 think I have blocked a lot of that time out

It got easier when 3 year old started nursery.

But now I love the age gap between them. They do bicker but in the main they are great friends and entertain each other for hours and I enjoy them so much more.

Do you have rising 3 in your area? The 2 hour break, while restricting in done ways, made a big difference for me.

megkat · 15/07/2011 10:52

I too found it very frustrating at that age - much better now they are (almost) 6 and 7 - love it now I can have an actual conversation with them, and not baby talk all day. It drove me mad. Hang on in there, they will soon become actual little people that you will love to be around :)

Clarabumps · 15/07/2011 11:02

I posted a thread like this around a year ago and there are days I still feel like this(around 2 in 7) but it does get better. I hated the whole thing: they were so tiny and wanted me constantly.They just never gave me a minutes peace. My two are 18 months apart and they drive me mental but it is getting easier.

The repetition and boredom was the worst thing and sometimes the other mothers.
"Isn't it just great to see them growing up?" eh- no its generally shite..they whine all day and if you actually done this 24/7 then you would realise its shite too.

I was also exceptionally jealous of other parents who had fantastic grandparents who helped out.(my parents do nothing) Eventually my DP did suggest that I got a job. I looked into it and explored all the avenues however I wouldnt even break even and I'd still have all the housework to do and less time to do it in.
Looking for a job and planning my future did give me back some sense of control however, when I have a tough day I iron out fine details of my future business plans. It will probably never come to fruition however I feel as though I'm working towards something for me and it reminds me I will be a person again and not just a janitor/caretaker.

It's summer holidays here and already I'm two weeks in..a day at a time. 5 weeks to go and then it's back to nursery for a blissful 2 and a half hours.

Hope this helps- it really does get easier and you are not alone.

boysrock · 15/07/2011 11:10

3 and 1 is horrendous.

5 and 7 is vastly better, they have conversations with me, they play intricate games together, they are independent and mobile. They sleep. Days out are enjoyable.

I have a 2yo now and I look at him every day and wonder how the hell I got through it when the older two were toddlers together. I look at people pushing double buggies and I shudder at the thoughts of it.

I actually enjoy having one toddler, but not two together.

All i can suggest is grit your teeth and encourage order dp to take over when he gets in so you can go and rediscover your sanity somewhere, and tea out sans kids when the opportunity arose.

MediumPretty · 15/07/2011 12:29

It does get better, OP! 5 is lovely and 6 even better. I'm really looking forward to the long summer break with DD - it was a different story when she was 3

WinkyWinkola · 15/07/2011 12:43

Very hard age to parent imo. I remember that summer with a shudder. Intense, physically very demanding, full of tantrums from ds1. Really hard. It gets better. And then they start school!

Little kids aren't that fascinating, I find. Mind you I've now got 20 month old ds2 and with dd aged 4 and ds1 aged 6, I find him a doddle. The other two play with him, each other, school runs bisect the day. Have more kids!

WinkyWinkola · 15/07/2011 12:46

Also I get a break from ds2 when I go to the local gym and he goes in their excellent crèche. Do you have anything like that near you op?

MsAnnThroppy · 15/07/2011 20:58

Mine are 3 and 1. If someone put a bullet through my head, that would be a blessed relief.

letsgetloud · 15/07/2011 22:48

MrsAnn- that was the funniest line I have read for a while.

I use to (sometimes still do) fall asleep thinking, if I die it would actually be fine as death has got to be better than this.

I feel I have been doing this stage now for 9/8 years and it is just a complete and utter drudgery. No matter how much time I spend trying to keep the house half reasonable it is still a disaster. I could sweep the kitchen floor 5 times a day and still get crumbs stuck to my feet.

I have recently made friends who are first time mums, their babies are same age as my youngest (about 12 months). I watch them marvel at their babies picking up a stick or some other thing babies/toddlers do and think, God how good to still feel like that about them.

All my enthusiasm waned and left after my first and now I only marvel at them whilst they are sleeping.

Oh and I clock watch constantly too.

Sorry, I know I am suppose to say it gets better, I suppose it does as my two eldest are 9 and nearly 6 and if I only had them to get out the door or feed etc. then yes life would be soooo easy.

Whereas my 3 and 1 year old take much more effort and consume much more of my time. Oh and I am moaning when I don't even have to play with them. That is what they have siblings for! I am too busy washing, drying, ironing, sweeping, putting away, picking up or cooking.

Sorry I have went off on a tangent but totally understand how you feel.

notsobusylizzy · 16/07/2011 07:30

letsgetloud - not having a go at you but why did you have 4 kids?

Ineedmetime · 16/07/2011 10:46

welliest, I do sympathise with you, I know when my first ds was young ( before ha was 5yrs) I used to find it a struggle, the boredom and the loneliness were just awful. now he is seven and much more easier to deal with although I now have 2 yr old dd who can be at times demanding it is just nice when I can find a bit of time for me to do what I want (for eg go on computer) I suppose what I'm trying to say is as they get older it gets easier but you get different problems to deal with, the early years are hard but sometimes enjoyable! hang in there

letsgetloud · 16/07/2011 15:24

notsobusy - sound like a go to me.

notsobusylizzy · 16/07/2011 16:50

Not at all. Read your post - you clearly dislike being a mother so why do it four times?

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