i hate being a mum

[welliest]

I dislike parenting, it frustrates me, distresses me and bores me to death. Have no idea what would be best for the children (3 & 1) .. I know everyone else has 'off' days, but i genuinely hate most of the time i spend with them, the whining, and hassling etc. I get incredibly frustrated and upset when i'm in their company. Don't know what would be right for them ; more childcare is obvious i suppose but i pleading - does it, will it, get any better????

I actually find my 3 and 1 year olds are much more fun to be around than my 7 year old. She is particularly hard work and tbh, I'm dreading the younger ones getting to a similar age.

Saying 'i don't mean to have a go at you' means you are doing exactly that, but think you are taming it down by saying it.

You are having a go as it is an extremely rude question to ask.

As if I am going to explain my fertility, contraceptive methods, or reasons for having children to a complete stranger.

You may think from my post that I clearly dislike being a mother. I am not having a go at you, but I think from your post that you clearly like being offensive.

I am not replying any more as I didn't start this thread and I am sure the op can do without us clogging up her thread.

letsgetloud how many children do you have?

Everyone even the most motherly mother has days when they feel completely snowed under with the drudgery of childcare and house work, and even on the good days it is possible to look at your life and feel that it it is all a bit pointless, this constant circular ream of cooking, cleaning, washing, dressing etc.

This does not mean that notsobusy dislikes either her children nor motherhood.

letsgetloud - stop being such a prickly twit.

TheRealMBJ- I have one DD.

My two are 3 and 2, it's largely horrible. It's hard work, they want me all day, and aren't quite old enough to play without needing me there to help/supervise/resolve arguments. I hate being alone with them, if I am with friends with children it's a million times better, as the girls play better and I can get a cup of tea and a breather. I work 3 days/week,whislt they are at nursery, and that helps to give me a breather and sense of balance. But the other 4 days can be really tough, especially as DH is usually working away from home on those days.

I can sense it getting easier as DD2 gets a little older, and they are sometimes able to play for e.g. half an hour without me.

So it will get easier, just hang in there and hide from them as much as possible.

I have a 3 year old and 2 year old too and to be honest the last year has been my 'grumpiest' yet! I have found it really tough having no family around as well though I do have the luxury of the 2 year old going to nursery 2 days a week and the 3 year old doing 3 hours at pre-school. I'm not looking forward to the summer holidays particularly but I think the key is to try and get out of the house, especially in the morning.

I take then both down to the park early in the morning before anyone else is there sometimes just to let them burn off a bit of energy and it also means they have free rein and I can relax a bit with no other children being around. I have also found a soft play that doesn't get too busy so quite often I'll go down there on my own with them. I also have a few friends that I meet up with to go to various playgroups etc.

It is really really tough having 2 toddlers. My 2 definitely have their whiney/clingy/grumpy/stroppy/tantrumy days but I am noticing as they get a bit older that they are fighting less and are playing together a bit better now. I also let them watch TV for an hour or so (usally at 4pm). I find that they're both tired at the end of the day (as am I) so we all just chill before I make tea.

You have my sympathies. I feel guilty for wishing time away sometimes but things will definitely become easier when they start school!

It gets much, much better. Hang on in there.

MsAnnThroppy - i nearly pissed myself at your comment. legend!

Babies and toddlers are dull. To a thinking, sane adult how could they be otherwise? Truth is we're not designed to be alone with them all day - it aint natural i tells ya! Modern life is not designed around making family life easier, it seems to actively work against it.

It does get better...age 4 (when they're talking and its relatively sensible) is the turning point. I've read more books in the last 6 years than at any time in my life - literally gobbled up hundreds. Find something you can do whilst they're playing about on the floor. Reading, getting back into music, doing simple exercises (I use weights, do stomach crunches etc. Im not sure why but it makes me feel like i have some kind of future purpose beyond what im experiencing now).

BRILLIANT THREAD!
SO glad to read this - I have 2 under 2yrs. I lose my mind daily then I go to work in the evening. I piece my head back together to only have it torn to ieces again the next day. I am glad it gets better and OP, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!

So glad i found this thread!

I have a 2.8yr old DS and 11 months old DD. It is so so hard and I am exhuasted.

So glad to hear that potentially it should get easier. I myself think that I will be a better mother to older children. I just loath the constant neediness and the dependance on me, the whining, the nappy changes, food battles. The feeling of guilt that you never spend any quality time with either. When I am with them meal times for me means just gobbling up a meal and a whole day can go by without me ever having a drink or going to the toilet. Eating out with both of them is so stressful. DS just won't sit still at the table and wants to wander off and DD tolerates the high chair only for a while before she is crying to get out. I am trying to stuff food in my mouth whilst all the is going on. HEll on earth.

I am back to work now 3 days a week, so I'm hoping this is the break that I need. I think I am going to enjoy motherhood a bit more if I see less of them.

DH is looking after both of them today. And I am really envious that DD has been sleeping the last 3hrs which is very rare and so DH is having a nice time spending time with DS and had even gone shopping for clothes while they both slept. SO NOT FAIR!

Depression?

choceyes - why do they do that?? My 2 whine for hours at me, this horrid, eye twitching whine yet when their father has them, I don't hear it once. Honestly not ONCE! And the little man who never sleeps will sleep for 2hours. And his DP looks at me like "why are you ever moaning - this is easy" I could chop his nuts off for that look.

Not his DP - meant to say 'And DP looks at me...'

I have a 4 and a 1 year old. I work 3.5 days a week. And every day that they go into nursery I'm relieved to get the peace (and they're probably relieved to not have me nagging them all the time too). Work is a doddle compared to looking after them (although I have to say the 4 year old is waaaay easier than he was a couple of years ago).
I love my 1 year old to death - he is a super-gorgeous cuddly cutie - but he trashes my house every single day - scares the wits out of me doing stuff he shouldnt - and tantrums at the drop of a hat. When he's frustrated (often) he lashes out at his brother, who then whacks him back and it degenerates into a full on brawl. DS2 wakes me up at stupid o'clock every single day, and at least once in the night for good measure, and the incessant whining that comes out of DS1 when he can't do something winds me up something rotten. So whilst I cant say I hate being a mum (my age gap is bigger = bit easier) I don't know if I'd say the same if I was a SAHM. You have my sympathy.

Oh god yes it does get better. 3 and 1 is awful IMO. I was really depressed at this point and struggled badly. Get out and see people as much as you can. You are lucky to have this age gap as they will entertain each other very very soon. My two are now 6 and 4 and are best friends. They bugger off for hours sometimes to play which is bliss!

ramade - having the, perfectly sensible response, of extreme dislike to a shitty situation does not equate to a mental disorder. Psychiatry has got a lot to answer for.

Oh yes and I work 2 days a week and they are with their grandparents which is a nice break (youngest starts school in Sept too). Can you work if only to cover the cost of childcare?

Wasn't being judgemental clarlce. I suffer from depression on and off, her post just reminds me of when I feel swamped.

I find your post very worrying. I worry because you have not considered what your dcs must be feeling about your reaction to them. Being a parent is about putting your own feelings last. It's about taking great pleasure in making dcs happy, sorting out their problems, making them smile, playing with them. If you can't do this there is a major problem and you need help. Kids are whingey for a reason. They don't want to be like that. They have phases, and bad moments, but you need to rise above them.

Sure it's hard work, in a practical sense, but I feel that foisting them off on childminders and other people will have a lasting impact on your dcs that you will regret later on. Getting childcare is fine, but it is a necessity.

Wow barbie that's empathetic of you.

Barbie- Have you ever been in this situation yourself?
If you have then you would realise that it's not quite as simple as just playing with them and making them laugh. The reason why its so hard is because we put ourselves last all the time. When you have children you do not automatically turn into a robot who does not have any feelings of her own, or desires of her own(even a desire to sit on a toilet in peace) or indeed an ability to lose all sense of self for the greater good of her beloved children.
And as for childcare- surely you cannot be that judgemental. If the poster feels she would be a better mother if she had a few hours in the "working" world then that should be her choice. Her and her children will be happier for it.
I suspect you may be my mother in law in disguise..

@ Clarabumps

Sorry if that sounded harsh, it just gets my back up when people don't put their kids first. There seems to be no mention about what the kids might be going through and that they might be picking up rejection from their Mum.

So far OP has said she "genuinely hate most of the time I spend with them". I don't think a bit of me time is going to change much. There is at least a bonding problem here. She said "parenting frustrates me, distresses me and bores me to death". Your children will pick this up from you and they will be devastated. Try and get some help with parenting - escaping this situation will only distance you more from those that need you most.

You are being incredibly judgemental. From the 5 lines of the OP you have gathered that she doesn't put her kids first and at least has a 'bonding problem'?

Not only that your 'advice' (to get some help with parenting) is useless and dismissive of the situation.

From the OP above you could have no idea of the true situation the poster finds herself in. Perhaps she was just feeling particularly down and posted and exaggerated account of how she feels. We all have moments of despair. Or perhaps she truly has no help or support in raising her children. We are all human and no-one can survive if they are never able to put their own needs above everyone else's, even if only to have an unharrassed cup of tea.
Perhaps there is an element of depression here but dismissing it with:

Try and get some help with parenting - escaping this situation will only distance you more from those that need you most. is shallow and pointless.

Further more, f you've read the rest of the thread, the majority of other posters have been able to empathise and from experience has told her than although the situation seems dire, it gets better. Are they all 'people who don't pit their kids first'?