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Parenting

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Original poster

child abuse

6 replies

nops80 · 28/06/2011 22:28

what would you do if you hear your 11 year old girl tell you she has several times been asked by his dad to massage his legs and feet while they were on their own. is it normal

OP posts:

BillyJoel · 28/06/2011 22:39

I'd say it was not normal - most dads would be a bit more savvy than doing that in private with an 11 year old if it was all innocent. I think that you need to have words and tell him that you think it could be misconstrued and is therefore not appropriate.

My DD are 10 and 12 and it would be odd for their father to ask them. They playfight but him asking for a massage would not happen.at all. ever.

hester · 28/06/2011 22:42

Well, it depends. I think in a context where the mother feels the need to ask strangers their view... it suggests a lack of trust, and maybe there's a good reason for that?

So yes, alarm bells ringing. Is this your situation, nops?

meditrina · 28/06/2011 22:44

I'd want more information.

Massage isn't inherently sexual. One of my DCs gives a mean sports massage.

matana · 29/06/2011 08:15

I like my feet being massaged and always have. I'm sure when i was 11 and younger my dad (and mum) used to massage my feet, nothing sexual in it at all, we're just a close and tactile family. My dad used to like us washing his hair as well. I think it's a bit of a shame if the automatic assumption with being tactile is that it's sexual abuse....

NeverendingStoryteller · 29/06/2011 10:53

On it's own, massage between close family members in private surely isn't an issue... my two boys are often commanded/begged (in a joking way) to 'rub poor daddy's tired feet' - followed by some rubbing, then smelling, then tickling, then hilarity... In our house, our kids get massaged by me, and as they learn from us, they sometimes will try this out on us - we have explained that this is a family thing only, and that they mustn't massage other people!

However, from the tone of your message, it seems like you have some underlying suspicion already? Or am I reading too much into this? If you have suspicions, why not talk to your daughter about how that kind of contact makes her feel, and if her answers concern you, perhaps you could chat with your GP or your daughter's head teacher about your worries.

mathanxiety · 30/06/2011 05:50

That is creepy. Massaging should be paid for with a proper masseur/masseuse or he should find an adult willing to massage him. He should not be asking a child to massage him and he should not be doing this while they are on their own.

This is happening when the dad and the child are alone, so maybe a bit different from experiences other posters have mentioned, and the child has related it to a trusted adult. I would say the child feels something is amiss if he/she has spoken about it.

OP are you and this man the parents of the child? Do you live apart? Does the child visit her father alone?

I agree with Neverending's last paragraph.

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