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Original poster

Looking afer children who don't get on with dd

35 replies

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 10:40

On Thursday, I have a day off work because of the strike. I have said I will look after the daughters of 2 friends who are the same age as dd (they are 7 and dd is 6 but all in the same class). The problem is that these girls get on well with each other but not so well with dd (she gets on OK with them on a 1-1 basis but they are not her special friends). She thinks that they will leave her out and she is dreading it. She has just told me this and I can't really get out of it now as the other parents are relying on me.

I need something to occupy them for a good chunk of the day so that dd will not be left out. I was thinking of the cinema but the only offering is Kung Fu Panda 2 and dd would not enjoy this so am now at a loss.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can make Thursday anything other than hell for dd?

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nickschick · 28/06/2011 10:43

Ive been here so many times .

Is it possible for dd to have a friend of her own around to play?

A bike ride? dvd and popcorn,making things - stuff that doesnt require team efforts.

Its admirable you are doing this but speaking from experience sometimes you have to put your dc first and refuse.

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 10:44

Oh what a dilemma! I feel very sorry for your daughter. Is there any way that you could invite along one of your dd's special friends? Then she will feel that she has an ally and won't dread it so much. I know you have got 3 kids already, am sure it won't make much difference to have a fourth.

Can you plan some activities? Say go to a park, then in the afternoon watch DVDs, or perhaps 2 seperate activities (so the 2 children your daughter is wary of can do painting, your dd and another friend can play a board game or something).

I feel sorry for ryour dd but also know how you feel you cannot let your friends down, but you DO need to make it as easy for your dd, she cannot feel uncomfortable in her own home reallty.

seeker · 28/06/2011 10:45

Invite a friend over for your dd - there's bound tyo be someone else who would be grateful for some child care.

What about a baking session followed by dvds and eating the cake?

Why wouldn't your dd enjoy Kung Fu Panda, by the way?

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GetOrf · 28/06/2011 10:46

If she is really scared though I agree with nicks that you do have to put your dd first.

They are very young - I remember being completey terrified of a girl called Aliette at school and I nearly wet myself with fear when I had to sit next to her at school dinners one day. She was never nasty to me, but i was scared of her nonetheless.

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 10:46

I think kung fu panda looks quite fun

ZZZenAgain · 28/06/2011 10:47

they can make popcorn and watch a dvd at home. No need to go to the cinema

seeker · 28/06/2011 10:48

I don;t agree about the putting your dd first, by the way. If it was a child who was actively horrible to your dd then of course - but you can't disrupt 2 adult's working lives just because one 6 yar old doesn't want to spend the day with children who aren't her chosen companions.

ImeldaM · 28/06/2011 10:49

I'd go softplay or park or give DD a list of idea's to choose from & let her choose. Also, as others suggested, is it possible to invite another friend too, of your DD's choosing?

rulenumber1 · 28/06/2011 10:50

I'd suggest that you invite a fourth child to reduce the risk of anyone being left out, 3 is always a difficult number in any case, even if all the children get along. Also, provide and supervise a structured activity for all the children to do together, this also prevents 2 going off together because it's more interesting to be doing something with everyone else around the table.

nickschick · 28/06/2011 10:52

Seeker its the little girls home its a day off school with her Mum and to have to share it with children she doesnt enjoy being with is a tad harsh ......if her Mum was a cm thats different,but favours shouldnt impact a little girls day so much.

Least thats what I think (now anyway,i havent always felt like that and often had my friends son without realising the pressure it put on my ds)

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 10:54

Thanks for responses so far!

Dd has 2 very close friends. In our school only reception and Yr 2 are off on Mon. Her friends both have siblings in reception and their parents have taken the day off to look after both children. They would have dd round at their houses but she does not want to leave people here to play with her things. Any other children would possibly just compound the problem.

She watched part of the first Kund Fu Panda Film on DVD and just did not get it at all so actively does not want to see the second one.

Thinking you might be on to something with a DVD (save me money too!). Maybe dd and I could go and get one and then we could all make biscuits and popcorn to eat whilst watching it. That gets rid of about 3 hours.

Keep the ideas coming. I still need entertainment for another 3 hours. Problem I forsee with taking them to park or similar is that dd will still be left out, just not at home. I need something which takes up all of their attention so she is not worried about whether they are interacting with her or not.

OP posts:

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 10:55

I agree with nicks - yes it would be awful to let down people at such short notice but if the child has a real visceral dislike of these two girls, she shouldn't have to have them in her home.

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 10:55

Sorry that should be reception and Yr 2 are off on thurs.

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Piccadilly · 28/06/2011 10:59

Presumably other parents are also at home with their kids because of the strike ... could you arrange an activity like a trip out or games in the park with another adult and their child? - then it's on neutral territory and you've got another adult to help you out.

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 11:01

She doesn't dislike them - I would never, ever have agreed to have them if that was the case.

One of them comes here quite a lot - the problem is that whilst she gets on well with dd if there are just the 2 of them, they are very different and I have noticed that if ds is around, she will play with ds and dd gets left out. Dd feels that because the other 2 girls are friends this is exactly what will happen on Thurs. dd can be quite shy and will just get upset rather than work out how she can be included. The other 2 are very strong willed.

The other thing is that dd loves playing schools or making "potions" - it is really all her and her 2 best friends play (or variations on a theme). Neither of these girls like playing that sort of game.

I realise I should have thought this out more, but was kind of caught on the hop when the second mother asked if I could help her and I really did not see the potential problem at the time.

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GetOrf · 28/06/2011 11:01

I would do some cooking then. You can occupy three children very nicely all doing something seperate but together. Make two cakes or batches of biscuits or something, the two girls can work together on one, you and dd can work together on the other one. You can closely supervise to watch out for any anxiety.

Get a load of basic cooking stuff in, let them choose what they want to make (within reason!) from a cookbook. It will keep them occupied for ages.

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 11:02

Oh X posts - she does like them, in that case I agree that this is manageable. If she disliked them or was scared of them I would suggest that it wouldn't be fair.

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 11:03

Good thought Getorf - dd actually had a cookery book so she and I could pick something in advance. Another hour gone.

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mummyosaurus · 28/06/2011 11:04

I think I'd be tempted to try a few board games, if you can bear to sit down and play them with them for a bit.

All the suggestions above look good, as you say, have plenty of activities planned.

I think I'd write off getting anything else done myself for that day and be on hand to get involved with the children for the most part of the day.

Hopefully your dd will surprise herself and have a better time than she expects, maybe forge some new friendships. It a good life skill to be able to get on with people and you can set a good example here. (I don't envy you though, I hope the girls mums appreciate what a good friend you are).

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 11:04

Oh it will take more than an hour! You can get them to tidy up after themselves and do the dishes as well

Egg blowing is another cheap and cheerful activity which costs nothing (as long as you already have some poster paint in) and which you can do outside. DD usedto love doing that.

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 11:05

Can I look after them please? I haven't done stuff like this for ages, would love to spend a day making food with 7 year olds and craft activity.

GetOrf · 28/06/2011 11:06

Just a day mind. Then I can waltz back to teenage motherhood!

bumblingbovine · 28/06/2011 11:09

The way to make sure your dd does not get left out is to actively get involved in the playing yourself I am afraid. I do this for ds quite a bit and it works well but is a lot of work for me. I would do something along the lines of

When they arrive have something they can work co-operatively on . I sometime hide stickers all over the house and say that if they find X number between them they can all have a price (samll toy, swert, ice cream etc), do not make it a competition between them. they will find more if they work together.

Then I would do something like baking with all of them

then to the park - If I take children to the park, I generally play the bad guy who searches for them while they hide together. this way I am the odd one out and they are work together against me.

then back for decorating or eating the the cakes/cake or a crafty activity or board game (you need to do it with them)

then the DVD (use this for you to do anything like cooking etc but pop in regularly)

Give it structure and do not leave them to play alone for very long at all

bigTillyMint · 28/06/2011 11:09

Why not organise to meet up with all the others for at least part of the day?

You will need to heavily supervise all the activities if your DD is likely to be left out, or let the girls play on their own and you play with your DD. However, I also think you need to help your DD develop some strategies for integrating more with other more strong-willed children. Otherwise she could be stuck in the position of being left out / feeling like a victim for a long time.

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 11:14

What are your best thoughts for craft activities?

GetOrf - how do you blow eggs. I remember painting them as a child, but can't remember the process before painting them.

I am not the next interactive play mother in the world, but I can do this (gulp)!

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