Rewards/consequences

[Roo83]

Hi all, my ds (3) has recently responded really well to using a reward chart for going to bed/getting up later. He earnt stickers every day and after a weeks worth (he finally achieved it this week) he got a trip on the train. However, it's got me thinking about how to help him with his behaviour in general....usually he's pretty good but does have the ability to throw a major wobbly with the best of them. I was thinking of giving him a jar of bricks, we put extra in for good/nice things, and remove them for anything negative, building up to a reward if he has a certain amount left at the end of the week. Soooo, which method is better for a 3yr old-the chart that focus' on specific things, or a general behaviour jar to include everything! Thoughts appreciated

Hi. I have twin 3 year old girls. Love them to bits, but they can be a force unto their own. Like you we have tried various reward charts, but they quickly lose focus on it. We now have a marble reward board and marble jar that my husband made for me using his carpentry skills. Every time one of them do something good we reward them with allowing them to pick one of the beautiful assorted big marbles from the jar and then place it it in a transparent tube on the board. When one does not respond or doing something negative, I take her to the marble board and she has to take one out....they don't like losing their sparkling marbles. I guess it is the ritual of the process. It is always one marble for something good and one removed for a negative. We don't suddenly give two or three as it defeats the purpose. Oh, its great to get them counting as well as they like to work out how far away they are from getting to 10. We are also very clear with setting up expectations, such as a full tube (10 marbles) means they get a choice of say going swimming at the public pool or going to pick strawberries and raspberries at the local farm. If not full they get to watch a favourite movie or get a lollipop. So far fingers crossed it works. So yes to your question in that you need to do both (i.e. specific and general) but keep it real simple. I suppose to be fair having twins keeps it a little interesting from a twins point of view as each can see how far ahead the other is in the marble stakes. Hope this helps (bit of a ramble). Let me know and I can get my husband to make one and post it on ebay for you.

Hi roo

I don't have any personal advice on this specific issue as i parent in a different way. But whenever i hear the words rewards/consequences i an reminded that this method of parenting is based in behaviourist theory. As i remember it (from some time ago) the theory also talks about antecedents, ie the situation that the childs behaviour arises from. Though you rarely hear supernanny et al talk about this. I just mention it cause i think these programes etc give half the story so you (or others reading)might want to find out more about this, of course you may have already.

Fwiw i believe that if using this approach it's recommended that rewards and punishments (which are both consequences) relate to specific behaviours.

I hope that doesn't come across as too much of a lecture.

Thanks both-the marble idea does sound good....do you have a photo tinyzulu? Thanks for the advice moonface, tbh I don't really research my parenting techniques as such, I've read a few books but generally just go with my instinct, so your right...I should probably get the full story before pushing it to far!

Hi. My hubby thinks this is such a cool idea, he has created a whole bunch and put them up on ebay and most of our friends now have one (do a search on Item number: 110701212994 or 110701229233). Hope you like. :-)