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How do you get your partner to share the parenting?

154 replies

Blondeinlondon · 20/11/2005 23:06

How can I get my partner to take an active part in parenting our child?

DS is 9 mths.
Unless I leave explicit instructions when I go out then he does not get fed etc. I went out yesterday and said he needs his lunch and then dinner by 5.
Called home at 5.15 to hear the sound of crying.
By the time I was back DS had cried himself to sleep. Neither lunch nor dinner had been provided. When he woke I did the dinner etc, bath, bedtime.

How can I get DH to do his share?

OP posts:
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geranium · 22/11/2005 16:40

Hard to comment on this without knowing a bit more about BiL and her relationship with her dh (sorry to be personal but you did start by asking for advice). did you discuss the pregnancy and who would do what after the baby was born? do you tell him how this makes you feel or maybe you don't mind that much? You sound a little frustrated but not as angry as I would be or as many of the replies seem to be. Maybe you don't actually want an equal partnership but like being the one "in the know"/in charge most of the time? If so, and if dh isn't asked/encouraged to participate when you are around, maybe it is unrealistic to ask hiim to pick up the reins suddenly? I certainly know mums who like being the ones in control (while moaning about their useless partners) - not saying you are like this but just raising it as a possibility. It would be interesting to hear more from you BiL.

nightowl · 22/11/2005 23:37

how can anyone here stick up for him? he does not need training!! heres how it goes:

Im assuming every day he sees bil feeding their child solids. (unless he is in another room on the pc permanently with his arse welded to the chair, in which case that speaks for itself)?

so he knows that the child is on solids...erm...how could one not know when they live in the same house?

so if he is looking after their child for the day he should understand the basic concept of breakfast, lunch and dinner.

go to cupboard/freezer open jar/tub, heat food. put baby in highchair. spoon food into baby's mouth.

just how hard is that?

no-one gets a parenting manual, heck i wish i'd have been given one. but come on, it's not someone elses 9 month old, its his. he should kow these things.

when i had my first i had never handled a child before, i was the type who wouldnt even pick up someone elses baby for fear of dropping it (like many men ). but even i knew that baby needed feeding...its not the same as a newborn. if your 9 month old is on solids then that's what you give them!

and big, big congratulations to him for managing breakfast. wow. im sorry bil, im not being nasty to you, really im not, but he needs a lesson on his own child. if he truly doesnt know these things then there is something wrong.

monkeytrousers · 23/11/2005 18:58

Thats what I mean, it's pathalogical!

BiL you have our sympathies though, don't take this as a dig at you. Things must be hard enough..

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woosmummy · 24/11/2005 21:23

I had one who needed instructions - even asked permission to play with baby, or pick him up if he was crying...not living with us anymore, which is quite possibly the best and worst thing I ever did.

I always imagined this parenting lark would be a joint adventure, where we both learn't together especially as we were both clueless

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