DD is really anxious and worried about something, how do I find out what it is?

[muminthecity]

She is 5 and in reception. Until recently she absolutely loved school, looked forward to going in and came out happy every day. She is very bright, doesn't struggle with any of the work and is progressing brilliantly with her reading and writing. DD has never had a best friend as such, but she seemed happy to float around playing with different children every day, she is very sociable and confident.

For the last week or so she has suddenly been dreading going to school and asking for days off. This week she has made up various stomach aches and head aches to try to get a day off, and cried her eyes out this morning before school. I have tried talking to her, asking if anything is upsetting her or worrying her. I always tell her that she can tell me anything, talk to me anytime and that she would never be in trouble for telling the truth. The only thing she has said is that she was worried about sports day which was supposed to be today but has been postponed due to the weather. It just doesn't seem to add up though, there is definitely more to it. I spoke to DDs teacher about it and she was just as puzzled as I am, she said DD is doing well at school, plays nicely with the other children etc but she did say she would talk to her about sports day and try to reassure her and that she would keep an eye on her.

Nothing has changed at home, she is perfectly happy when not at school. Does anyone have any ideas on where I go from here? Do you think she might be being bullied? Surely at this age the teacher would have noticed? And why wouldn't DD just tell me? I'd be very grateful for any advice on where to go from here, I am really worried.

With a big class to look after, the teacher can't see everything so it's possible that she has had incidents with other children out of the teacher's sight (or at playtime, when the class teacher isn't there but other teachers are supervising?)

Another possibility is that something about lunchtime could be upsetting her, eg if the dinner ladies have told her off for not eating all her lunch or something like that. Maybe one of the lunchtime or playtime supervisors reprimanded her for some minor 'misdemeanor' and she has blown it out of proportion and feels she can't tell you about it because she did something wrong.

Hope you get to the bottom of it.

Thank you, she seemed happier when I picked her up today and she has been invited to another little girl's birthday party so she's delighted about that.

We have an INSET day tomorrow so I will see how she is this weekend and whether she says anything more to me.

I find that my DS also 5 only tells me things at certain points - especaily just before he goes to sleep - if I directly question him he doesn't really say anything - so pick your moment and go in gently
You could make up something about when you were a little girl - I didn't get on with my friends sometimes, I didn't like school sometimes, I was worried about x - that kind of thing

My 5 year old recently did this too. Like your DD, mine loves school and is sociable and happy. Then she started crying in the mornings before school and asking to stay home. She wouldn't tell me anything either. She did have an issue with a couple of friends which i was aware of which was probably causing it in my DDs case but to get her to tell me any other issues we used her dolls. I pretended to be one of them and said i didn't like school anymore and asked DDs doll if she did. DD pretended to be the doll and said "no i don't want to go either" so i made up a reason why my doll didn't want to go, and DD told me her reason!! She said it is a long day at school and she misses mummy and her little sister. So, i worked on spending more time with her and having lots of fun, planning nice things to do with her after i picked her up in the afternoons etc. She is much happier now.

I think they are still so little, and when they first start school they love going each day but as the year goes on and they realise they have to go each day, they start to worry about it. Hope your DD is ok. It is so awful when you know they are worrying about something but won't tell you.