Say something or keep our noses out??

[reenzeen]

Have no kids myself but am currently pregnant, my DH and I spend alot of time with my SIL/BIL and their 2 DD's (2yr and 4yrs) and I love them all to bits but recently its becoming really hard to be with them as all they do when they are in their own home or in their parents company is cry/whige and have tantrums.

The thing is they do this with no one else and are the best behaved children I have ever seen when they are with other family members.

My sil looks after 2 other children during the day and actually spends more time tending to her own 2 who are both older and the other 2 literally never open their mouths and just wait patiently to be feed changed etc.

I know we are no experts and its easy to judge from the outside looking in but they don't seem to realise that they spend all their time crying or having tantrums when in their company.

Is this a normal thing that all kids do with their parents or should I let her know that they only do this when they are at home and that they are just playing up for whatever reason and her DC's are a joy to have when they are not about?

I feel it would help their sanity if they realised this behaviour is not normal and that their kids can be so good elsewhere - its almost like the kid's have split personality's or something.

Or should we just keep our noses out an let them get on with it??

Maryz that's exactly what I think happens so I try to give her no attention when she cries or try to distract her with toys or look like i'm having fun doing something else and she usually stops and come's to me looking to play, her mum gives her loads of attention and ask's her whats wrong puts her on her knee etc which is exactly what she wants.

Would never think im better how could I be, she has 3 DC's and I have one in my belly, just think a different perspective sometimes helps.

Interestingly while discussing with my DH last night he said his sister (who would be the 4yr olds aunt) was exactly the same when she was younger and constantly cired and tantrumed until she got what she wanted even up to teenage yrs - and that the 4yr old reminds him of his sis- perhaps it's more a personality triat as his SIL is a bit of an attention seeker. Just hope 4yr old doesn't turn into her as one in the family is enough!!

I agree that it is worrying that these children seem to cry so much. Two year olds do have a lot of tantrums but, in my experience, it does improve from 3ys onward. Yes there can be a lot of whining and moaning but usually less total meltdowns as their stamina and vocab increases.

Could it be that these children are acting up to get attention as mother is a childminder and has two other children to look after. Perhaps they resent sharing their house, toys, parents with other children. Is it a way to ensure their needs come first.

Yes children do behave better for other people but what you are saying sounds excessive. I cant believe the mother isn't having a nervous breakdown if it's that bad.

You seem to be helping out a lot which obviously gives the parents a break(and it's great that you support your SIL) but perhaps they need more 1:1 1:2 time with their own parents.

Gilberte the childminding could be part of the problem but this has only started recently and they were acting like this long before, but the majority of them time they cry is when the other 2 children aren't there as they get on really well so are usually playing when the other children are there.

It may look like I'm with them alot but it would be nowhere near enough that would mean that its contributing to the problem!

and yes I think I would be having a nervous breakdown too if I was my SIL - I respect her for the way she let's alot of things just wash over her- I'm alot more uptight!