What is 4 yr gap between children like?

[Hope88]

Hi. I am thinking about having another child. My DS would be 4 years old when the baby arrives. Is anybody there with the 4 year gap ? and willing to pass on their experience?

There's a 4.5y gap between DD and DS.

It is lovely most of the time, DS is now 3yo and DD looks after him (will take him to the potty, cuddle him in bed, build railway tracks with him etc.). And DS quite clearly adores his big sister. As DS gets older, their relationship is developing in wonderful ways.

When DS was tiny, DD was old enough to be able to take herself to the toilet and help herself to drinks and snacks (with permission) if left where she could reach them. Also, we didn't need double buggies or buggyboards etc.
DD started school shortly after DS arrived so DS got lots of attention during the day.

BUT - they can fight like cat and dog (DS can inflict a lot of damage on DD for someone so small). DD took a while to get over the shock of having a sibling/starting school at the same time.It is hard to have to drag a grumpy/tired toddler along to DDs after school clubs (e.g. swimming).

Not sure if any of that helps...
Good Luck.

I've got a four year gap. My eldest saw her sister being born at home. They have always been close and affectionate. It turned out that dd2 had disabilities which mean she she can't talk, but I have never had to referee a fight between them. She has always been empathetic and helpful, and I think it's the perfect age gap for having a caring older sibling.

I am grateful to the poster for asking this and to those who replied, as I am expecting a second who will be born three months after my elder daughter turns four, and have been wondering what it will be like. So far, DD1 shows no signs of being threatened and just loves the idea of the baby, but I wonder how having a new baby taking up 100 per cent of my time will affect her after four years of being the centre of my world (I am a SAHM).

Most of the advice I get is from people with much smaller gaps between children so I am never sure how much of their experience is relevant.

It is fabuolous and I can't recommend it enough actually! DD1 was 4 when ds2 was born..there was a little jealousy but nothing out of the ordinary. Ds1 started school and I had another 4 years of 1-1 with ds2. I watched as my friends who had gaps shorter struggle. They are close now. There is no jealousy as they are into different things largely so dd1 goes places ds2 couldn't/watches films she can't etc. Ds2 looks upto her older sister and I've been impressed how ds1 takes responsibility (making sure she's okay). There has been very little fighting (though that may be cause ds2 is so much laid back and hates confrontation). We were careful to reposition ds1 when ds2 came along..saying things like 'you're the bigger girl now so you're allowed to do this, etc'...and she spent more time with her dad which made them closer. I still now though try to do 1-1 time with ds1 (cinema, theatre, etc).

I have a 4 yr gap between my first two. I was worried about how it would work as there us also a 4 yr gap between me and my next sibling - we were not really close growing up but get on well now.

However, my two get on much better than I imagined. Even though the eldest is a teen now she is still happy to do things with the younger one when on holiday etc (obv doesn't want to know him when her friends are around!) I think they will go through a period of less closeness over the next couple of years but hopefully will change again as he gets older & "catches up" with her.

Interesting. If I get that far, this one will be born a week before dd's 4th birthday. I was worried the gap was too big for them to be close.

We have 4 DS with pretty much 4 years plus or minus a bit between each of them. They boys trend to pair off - helps that eldest could do some taxi runs etc then went off to uni. I think having all boys helped though. And they all play with similar toys and clothes passed on etc