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Parenting

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Original poster

Best age gap between siblings?

19 replies

nearlymumofone · 31/05/2011 19:04

Not sure if this is the right place to post this?

I have ds of 10 months and had always thought I wanted a 2 year (ish) age gap between dcs. However, having a baby now I am wondering what would be the best kind of age gap (I am wanting 2 or 3 max). Any advice on this?

(assuming I am able to of course!!)

Thanks

OP posts:

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mrsravelstein · 31/05/2011 19:05

6 years between ds1 and ds2 was bliss

23 months between ds2 and dd has been really bloody hard work

RantAboutToStart · 31/05/2011 22:03

I have 17 months and its both bliss and jolly hard work!

CarGirl · 31/05/2011 22:04

I have a 5.5 year gap, 14 month gap and a 2 year gap.

The 14 month gap is the best IMHO

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bibbitybobbityhat · 31/05/2011 22:07

I was v happy with an age gap of 2 years 8 months. This meant older child was happy to go to childminder and then nursery for a couple of short days per week and was pretty much toilet trained, and was happy to "help" with the baby (ie. pass clean nappies and babygrows ). Also, we didn't need a twin buggy.

But at the same time, they are close enough in age to enjoy more or less the same films/tv programmes/activities with the family/happy to share a room for the past 7 years or so.

tostaky · 01/06/2011 22:07

16 months age gap and i think i should have waited until DS1 was 1 before trying again. but its great anyway though hard work

littlemisslozza · 01/06/2011 22:10

23 month gap between my two and it has been great. They are brilliant playmates most of the time, although I'm sure that is due to personalities too, rather than just age gap.

Expecting DC3 and will have exactly 2 years between DS2 and DC3 - deliberately tried for the same gap again as want them all to be close if possible, we shall see what happens!!!

jenniferturkington · 01/06/2011 22:15

20 months between mine, and although they adore each other and truly are best friends, it has been tough for me! The first 18 months were hardest-basically I had two babies, each with very high demands on my time.
DC2 is 2.4 now and recently stopped breast feeding and potty trained- only now do I feel I can breath a sigh of relief that I got them both (and me) through the baby stage!
Will definately wait ustil dc2 is at school before considering another two one

itisnearlysummer · 03/06/2011 22:52

I've got a 7 year gap between mine (12 and nearly 5).

They're incredibly close, my DS has "DD days" and when I asked DD what this meant she said, "it's when [my brother] plays with me all day".

I was a little worried they wouldn't be close and that they would grow up almost as two only children, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

We get to spend 'quality time' with DD when DS is off doing his own thing.

It's been perfect.

I don't think there is an 'ideal' age gap, I think they all have their pros and cons. For us, just as DS had started to become independent and we could do more 'grown up' things with him, we had to start all over again with a baby and carry 101 things with us whenever we went out!

But then, he did change the occasional nappy...

meditrina · 03/06/2011 22:58

There is no "best" gap - all have their pros and cons. Just go for it when you think you might have enough energy.

My gaps were 2 years and 3.5 years. I found the longer gap slightly easier - 2 yr olds can still be very demanding and not yet able to wait whilst you have to do something with the baby. Three year olds can hang on a bit better. But it all does rather depend on the personality and habits of your particular 2 or 3 year old.

AngryFeet · 03/06/2011 23:01

In general if you want them to play together lots stick to 3 years or less. If you want to get one to school and have lots of alone time with no 2 stick to 4 years plus. I have a 2.5 year gap - yes it is hard at first but nice that they get on so well and nice to get all the baby toddler stuff over and done with.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 03/06/2011 23:08

If your paying school fees, think long and hard about the gap you choose.......another year for us would have been really helpful money wise!

Original poster

nearlymumofone · 08/06/2011 12:55

Thanks for all your advice!

OP posts:

swash · 08/06/2011 13:00

3 years is supposed to be the ideal - because the older child has the beginnings of empathy/sharing and the gap is small enough that they can still play together. Friends I have seen with very small gaps (18months) have really struggled. Mine are 2 years 3 months. I would say it has been lovely at times, hell at others! My girls play together brilliantly - but of course they are the same gender.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 08/06/2011 13:12

We're aiming for a 4.5 year age gap. Cost of childcare is the main factor, not wanting too very young children at the same time, and DS being in school so I'll have time to spend with the youngest. Also waiting til DS could dress himself, use the bathroom by himself and not needing constant supervision seemed like a good idea too. The idea of 2 under 3 bloody terrifies me..

JarethTheGoblinKing · 08/06/2011 13:12

Two, not too

Pinkjenny · 08/06/2011 13:57

2.7 years here. Perfect gap, but then I would say that. Dd was old enough to understand that I was pg and when ds arrived it wasn't a shock to her. They are starting to play together beautifully now, and we've never had any issues with jealousy.

Of course, mornings are horrendous and they both have a tendency to be quite whiny and need lots of attention.

Pluses and minuses.

webwiz · 08/06/2011 15:16

2 years was fine until they started taking exams - the awfulness of DD1 taking A levels and DD2 doing GCSEs at the same time is only just beginning to fade in my memory even though it was two years ago. The whole house was buzzing with stress! I'm glad there is a bigger gap between DD2 and DS as the exam treadmill and uni applications are a bit full on when they are close in age - not something I even considered when they were little.

Pinkjenny · 08/06/2011 15:36

Mine are 2.7 years apart but will be 3 school years apart. Thank God.

p99gmb · 09/06/2011 15:47

I foster two children who are 9 months apart and OMG it is so hard...

A nanny summed it up for me - saying twins would have been much easier as at least they want the same things at the same time... this 9 months is so crucial and so huge and so minor a gap all at the same time ... no wonder their young mum found it hard!!!

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