does anyone do that thing where you deliberately spend half an hour with each child in turn?

[Enid]

That they recommend doing on supernanny etc?

I have two dds and they are fighting a lot atm and vying for my attention. I have been a bit shite as a mum for a while (I plead pg) so I have decided to spend half an hour with dd2 this afternoon doing whatever she wants, then half an hour with dd1 doing whatever she wants.

Is this a good idea? How do I stop dd2 feeling rejected while I spend time with dd1 (who suffers as dd2 very demanding and cuddly atm).

they are nearly 6 and just 3 btw.

This is a much more 'planned and calculating' approach to parenting than I usually have so am feeling a bit unsure about it.

I try to do this Enid. I don't always get it right but try to give each child some individual attention whenever possible.

example:

Friday night took DS1 out to the cinema - just me an him and then for supper afterwards

Saturdays I go out in the morning with DS1 (he normally comes shopping with me). Not the most exciting activity but he's only one so I'll adjust it to something more appropriate when he gets older.

We find DS1 in particular is a much nicer child when he gets individual attention.

sorry I meant saturday am with DS2

i was planning to do this every night

I tend to lump them together wherever possible but have noticed that dd1 is getting MUCH 'older' lately and dd2 getting on her nerves

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I fear have done too much of that lately

(heat mag)

I think it's a great idea Enid but I can't quite see how it will work if you don't have anyone else to entertain the "spare" child at the time. Dh and I do this with dd1 and dd2, but usually along the lines of one child with each of us, or one with my mum and dad.

Do they go to bed at different times? Could you take advantage of dd2 being in bed to spend time with dd1?

Sorry not much help am I really!

not sure I could muster the energy for a daily effort. DH and I do divide and conquer in the week though so that the kids get some individual attention each day - this just sort of happens, it isn't planned. Activities include sitting together to watch TV, Lego, Puzzles, Reading or outside play for DS1 and while he's doing that the other parent and DS2 are playing in the toyroom.

DS1 gets a story every night after DS2 is in bed.

It actually sounds as if we should try to do more together - so opposite problem really.

cod!

I don't think you should make it too planned and rigid - it will not feel genuine and natural. I try to spend separate time with each of my children, but it often boils down to giving each child 10 minutes as they do homework/music practice which is not quite the same thing I suppose.

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I think that, in the case of your dd1 Enid, anticipation would be the key - ie if she knows that this time is planned in advance, she will look forward to it and it will help her get through the rest of the day! She can plan what she would like to do with you (my dd1 aged 8 likes to do science experiments, dd2 aged 7 (just) likes to go for walks, do knitting or scoubidous, both like to cook/bake). Just some ideas for you.

I dont plan time alone with each of them. they all know I am here for them and I give them the time they need when needed. Its part of family life..sharing!

hmm

its more for dd1s benefit

I do separate stories every night when we do have a chat but even that is getting difficult as dd2 constantly comes in asking me to fix her playmobil - cue furious dd1

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I don't do it in a planned way but I do try to give special time to each child. They both have an evening at Granny's on their own while I take the other to an activity. Gives us time for a chat on the way to the activity too.

I always insist that when they are telling me about something the otherone has to shut up and give them a chance to speak. I suppose that I spend time helping them, playing or talking ono on one quite a lot, but thay are 6 and 8 so it is easier to do this as the other one will be absorbed in what they are doing.

They play together really well and I think it is just as important for them to play or draw together without me. I like to give them a project where they have to work together to make something while I watch the telly .

I wouldn't want to get into a situation where you were saying "go away jessica it is bradleys special time", especially if they are too young to understand this.

If all else fails stick cbeebies on and lock yourself in the loo with a good book .

but she's not being naughty

she doesnt really understand

also she would cry and be really upset

oh dear, is she spoilt?

yes, I try to spend a bit of time with each child during a weekend, say. But its more like 10 minutes than half an hour

right I think I will do it today but not firmly then phase it out

it doesnt feel right to me but I have to find another way of spending more Kwality time with them

I'll stick my neck out Enid and say that at three she is old enough to understand that it's dd1's special time (and that if she comes and interrupts you will respond to her)

I would think at three it is a bit much to say go away iam playing with your sister, there are other ways of doing it surely.

oh sorry, I thought Enid meant after she had put dd2 to bed for the night

Well I always feel that dd2 gets much more one to one time with me anyway because dd1 is in school, so when dd2 is at home I do ensure I spend time concentrating on her, playing games or practising writing (dd1 loves doing that) or whatever dd1 wants. Dd2 is allowed to be with us then, but she can't disturb us and has to be quiet. So for example she does colouring while I do writing with dd1, or sits with us while I read to dd1. I've started enforcing this when dd2 was only about 18 months, and now she is 2 years 3 months and she does accept it really, even though I have to remind her.

when dd1 is at home I mean

I think it is fair enough if you are helping a older child with homework but not to play.