does anyone do that thing where you deliberately spend half an hour with each child in turn?

[Enid]

That they recommend doing on supernanny etc?

I have two dds and they are fighting a lot atm and vying for my attention. I have been a bit shite as a mum for a while (I plead pg) so I have decided to spend half an hour with dd2 this afternoon doing whatever she wants, then half an hour with dd1 doing whatever she wants.

Is this a good idea? How do I stop dd2 feeling rejected while I spend time with dd1 (who suffers as dd2 very demanding and cuddly atm).

they are nearly 6 and just 3 btw.

This is a much more 'planned and calculating' approach to parenting than I usually have so am feeling a bit unsure about it.

I think if it's an issue for the children then it is helpful advice, but it isn't a must do for every family situation

I do feel that dd1 has a right to spend time with me doing things she enjoys without being disturbed. Some board games or craft stuff for example dd2 is too small for, and I feel dd1 should get a chance to do them with me.

When DS 8yrs was feeling a bit unloved I got him to take me on a date. We went to a Indian restruant, DD went to pizzahut with DH. DS thought the Indian was much posher and grown up and loved acting all grown up for an hour with me. We were going to make it a regular thing but it seemed to do the trick. If he asks we will do it again.

Issymum

agree re the story thing dd2 can be fobbed off with a little song and a short story, dd1 wants War and Peace ok Felicity Wishes, but just feels like W&P!! 1st downstairs, opens the bottle!

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Enid, if a block of time isn't practical, what about 5-10 minutes here and there - it needn't be full on "fun" time ... it could be "dd1, can you give me a hand with the washing please?" ... "dd2, table needs laying for dinner - what am I going to need?"

I've been trying to get more separate time for the boys (ds1 is 4, ds2 is 18mths) - ds2 naturally gets more mummy time while ds1 is at school, so I tend to focus on getting spare time with ds1. At the weekends it's when ds2 naps and we drag board games out or a quick play with his trains. Also, around 4 every day, ds1 and I go into the dining room and do whatever school work he has (reading, activity bag etc) which gets about 15 mins together alone (ds2 has the TV left on for him - not ideal, but he doesn't get really upset about us not being there).

Also, I'm lucky in that dh is around for bedtime, so we take turns to put a different boy to bed each night. So they get some one-on-one time with at least one of their parents before sleep.

I think Spidermama posted that she does this - she posted how she explained it to them.

3 is probably quite young though, isn't it? especially at end of afternoon / evening which seems to be designated whinge hour for 3 year olds.

Good luck.

well it seems I spend as much time as everyone else does with their kids

dh takes dd1 to swimming on a saturday morning with dd2 then he takes them both to a cafe (lie in for me)

I take dd1 on her own to ballet on Friday evening, we chat in the car and sometimes do some tesco shopping afterwards, its really nice to be with her without dd2

I have all day wednesday with dd2 while dd1 is at school.

I think the problem is that dd2 is 'all-pervading' atm

I think as hmc said, it depends whether you feel your dd1 needs the extra time. I know ds1 is terribly sensitive to ds2 getting what he perceives to be "lots more attention" and needs a bit extra reasurrance and attention himself some days. Also, days I can't (for whatever reason) he does seem to get some comfort over me sympathising with him (out of earshot of ds2) by saying "sometimes ds2 can be a bit annoying, can't he?" and ds1 will nod wisely, shrug his shoulders and just get on with it

yes dd1 and me do the 'she can be annoying' thing too

oh well I'll see how it goes this afternoon

I try to give mine separate 1-1 time too, but on an ad hoc basis and not necessarily "doing" anything specific. I have 4; youngest not yet at school or nursery so he gets lots of "mummy only" time anyway. It's harder with the older ones as I need another adult around usually, unless the 1-1 happens at home. I have an after school nanny during term time. I use this help to leave ds3 at home while I might, for example, take dd out by herself after school and treat us both to a cake and coffee (juice for her at age 7!), if it's a day when ds1 and 2 have after school stuff going on. It's harder to separate ds1 and 2 as they are at the same school and finish at the same time, so I have to collect them together! Though sometimes I take them somewhere together without dd and ds3, eg for some Japanese noodles. Or all of us, minus ds3 while he sleeps might bake some bread; they all love that !

ok here goes

it was the first thing they aksed when they got home

My dd1 gets separate time in the morning when we walk to school. It actually works quite well.

Cor. MI does a good mummy think for once

enid that sounds nice
tbh I try to spend time with each of them but it I find the others want to join in too so it just becomes family time really.

ds2 gets all 1 to 1 day monday, thurs pm and fri pm, ds1 gets after school on Tues and Wed (and all day tues and wed in the holidays)

when they are together they play with each other most of the time

I read them a separate story each, but quite often the other one come in to listen as well

never really had a plan, this is just the way it's panned out

so i did it

half an hour of playmobil houses (quite torturous) then half an hour of top trumps and guess who - great fun (in fact dd1 got an extra 5 mins so I could finally beat her )

dd2 came and sort of biffed around during my game with dd1 - impossible to say no go away (she's 3, noone else in the house etc etc) but dd1 didnt mind.

have decided not to formalise it in anyway but say no I am playing with dd2 now and likewise for dd1.

I know this probably all sounds idiotic and you all do it anyway...

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only just 3 though

look I dont shout, I cant, she cries if I do

I am planning to be a bit more firm though

No it doesn't sound idiotic - and that sounds like a fab plan

For what it's worth, I think you've got the right idea. If you let it get too formulaic then you just beat yourself up if you don't achieve it one day for whatever reason. I also think it's good for kids to know it's someone else's turn for the attention from time to time

Of course, my goal for the week is getting the kids to play together better while I get to read a book

I did this Enid a couple of weeks ago.

I gave them one hour each of mummy time as an experiment and it was a roaring success.
To my amazement they respected each others turns and they loved having the time with me.

I also loved having the one on one time which is so much more relaxing than my usual method which involves the kids all trying to get my attention at the same time and me failing to give it properly to any of them.

I vowed to do it at least once a week, when I'm well again.

I can highly recommend it.

I tried to make sure the ones who weren't having mummy-time had something of their own to be getting on with (or a video) to make sure they'd stay away.

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oh good spidermama you mad birthday loving woman you . I am not alone. how did you manage it with 4!!

actually I would say it was a success they have both asked to do it again tomorrow

dd2 definitely doestn have the hang of it though. I will try and get her interested in something -she jsut has to be near me, which is part of the problem for dd1 but I dont know how to get round it.

I rarely shout at my kids . If I so much as get cross with dd2 she blubs in genuinely upset way.

I had to work around the baby. I got two sessions in when he was asleep, then he was allowed to hang out in the same room as us with session 3 and wasn't much trouble.

For me it was really calm, quality time. I think with four the need for radical ideas becomes more pressing. I found it a real break funnily enough.

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