DD is 10yo and I need help.

[VivaLeBeaver]

I'm struggling to cope with the mood swings and general rudeness. Its like she's 14 already so I dread to think what she will be like by then.

Any attempt at getting her to do something is normally ignored for some time, whetehr its to get up, get dressed, come for dinner, go for a bath, clean out the guinea pigs. So then any attempt to try and calmly say right TV is going off and you are coming and doing xyz is met by DD having a strop.

She tries to wind me up by saying stuff like "ooooh, you're stressed, why are you so stressed, I'm not doing anything till you calm down". Even though I've been calm but firm with her. A few times at this point I've shouted but realised thats what she's aiming for so am now remaining calm and ignoring it.

I've banned her from the internet today for not cleaning the guineas out when told to and she started with it all. So I did it back to her which probably wasn't the most mature thing but I thought it might make her realise how daft it is. Cue loads of tears and door slamming, etc.

I miss the toddler tantrums 'cos they were nothing on this. Are there any good books on teenagers?

Sympathies, 9yo DD was being vile yesterday.

Will be reading this with interest to see what advice you get re. books.

I did find How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk a useful book - there were some good ideas about how to break out of the vicious cycle you describe.

Good luck and sympathy - my 10yo DD has her moments too.

Quite relieved to read evidence of devilspawn's dd's normality. Refused to get out of car at Love music hate racism yesterday, then cried because she got left in car for 30mins (lots of stewards, police around) and we didn't hear our mobile when she phoned. Much whingery ensued, interminable blaming for neglect etc. Usual demands for semivegetarian foodstuffs, slamming + general non-compliance.

I guess it is all fairly normal stuff. Just seems like everytime I look at her/open my mouth she flys off the handle and/or accuses me of laughing at her (I'm not even laughing, let alone at her).

Not the only one in this boat Viva. My just 10 YO is being very challenging, I think it's a combination of hormones and our impending move to the UK.
Yesterday she was utterly vile, she was really tired and refused to acknowledge it. She went to bed very early and has woken up a different child.
I too will be looking on with interest.

Can I join this club. 10yo DD, absolute angel for teachers, coaches, friend's parents, etc. But like Jekyll & Hyde at home. Can be great, helpful, mature one minute then the next starts making snide comments, rolling her eyes, calling her little brother names and blaming her bad moods on the fact the we all 'annoy' her all the time. Picks ridiculous fights she knows she can't win just to wind me up - like wanting to go to school without proper school uniform on or something equally daft. Then screams at the unfairness of it all when she gets in trouble or I lose my temper.

Lots of people say early hormones can play a role at this age - no signs of puberty whatsoever yet but she's tall for her age. I also wonder if it's this bad now what's it going to be like when puberty hits for real??!! Then again, it might be no worse, in some ways she's always been like this, just the details change over the years.

Can I join in too, esp. with the Jekyll and Hyde child? My DD is definitely developing - visible boobs, developing hair in the usual places, is very tall - and boy, do we get the mood swings. Everything is younger DD's fault for being 'annoying' - though no uniform rebellion yet, she loves getting merits for being in correct uniform at school.

And then she can be so mature and lovely, I can only hope this is what will come out of the cocoon at the end...

I was a horrible girl at 11-13 then a rather easygoing, affable teenager, if it's any consolation. Mum just said I got it all out of the way sooner.

I remember feeling utterly powerless, incredibly bored, and cripplingly embarrassed about everything, especially my parents. Looking back, I wish I'd been into guiding or something, or started a martial art (which I now love) at the time. I didn't feel 'any good' at anything, specially being on-the-cusp-of-not-a-kid and perhaps some tangible achievements (belts, grading, badges) outside of my home and family and school, it might have given me an interest and a confidence boost.

Not that all your DDs are anything like I was, of course. I just remember being horrible, and now I look back I realise that I was unhappy. Yours will probably be nicer MUCH sooner.