There was an attempted abduction in our village a couple of days ago, need some advice on giving a 'stranger danger' talk to the dcs.

[LadyDamarel]

We live in a small, very friendly village with virtually no crime bar the usual stupid teens and a very, very occasional burglary (as in there's been 2 in the last 4 years and one was done by a local lad) so everyone has a very relaxed attitude towards safety and security.

However, a couple of days ago 2 men tried to coax a teenage lad into their car in the centre of the village. Fortunately he had the sense to leg it and get help.

My dcs are 7, 5 and 4 and so far haven't heard about it on the playground, thankfully but I need to have the old stranger danger chat with them.

What's the best way of doing it 1) without worrying them - the 7yo esp has a very overactive imagination and 2) without confusing them?

It's a very friendly village, everyone says hello when we're out, people often chat to them in the shop/PO, etc and I don;t want them to think that they can't or shouldn't talk to people but equally, I don;t want them to think that it's okay to trust everyone.

16 months is too young and you will be with him at all times. When he gets the language you play the 'what if....' game. It came in really useful when my very shy 4yr old got lost in a department store and went straight to a security guard and got my name called out on the loud speaker.
All you have to say that is most people are nice, but a very few are not, so you have to be careful and if they offer you anything you say 'no thank you' and you never go anywhere with someone you don't know, even if they want to show you something nice or they say they know mummy.
You make sure that they know that they can shout at an adult, as in NO! and run away fast.
My DCs were naturally reticent anyway which is a help. Some DCs are far more friendly and open which is more difficult.
It isn't easy, you have to have a fine line between being wary and being frightened of everyone they don't know. Most child abuse is from someone they know anyway. We are all scared of stranger danger but it is rare.
I would say that in a tough spot, with no one in authority go for a woman with her DCs for help.
Do it is dribs and drabs.

My mum used the password system with me from about the age of 7/8 and I have not started yet with my 6 and 4 yr olds as yes I think they wouldn't fully understand and would forget it or get confused.
There aren't circumstances where my children at the ages they are at, would be away from us unless they are lost, so that is what we have mainly talked and role played about.

I remember watching an Oprah episode about 10 years ago that showed parents at a park being interviewed about whether their children would go with a stranger. One mum was talking saying how her daughter wouldn't whilst in the background a fake stranger was talking to and then leading her daughter off. She was horrified as she thought her daughter understood. I think it foxes children when adults are nice as they think they can trust them. I babysat for a boy who thought stangers were men with pony tails. They don't always get it even after explaining it a lot.

There was a report in the london news this evening about schools in kingston being patrolled by police after 3 separate possible abduction attempts. Two are being treated as related, although involving different schools and the 3rd is being investigated by the same team. In one a boy was grabbed but managed to get away.

It's very sad and very scary. Our DD is 4 and will usually talk to anyone. She loves to run and hide if we're ever out shopping and I hate it when I can't see her. We do explain that sometimes people take things, so she must stay where we can see her, but now I'm thinking I have to hold her hand at all times while we're out. :(

I'd kind of forgotten about the whole stranger danger thing as both my kids are so young. A not very pleasant wake up call for us all.

I would say that 3-4 times a year there is a parentmail from school saying that a child in the local area has been approached by suspicious people/person. The thing is of course that an offender might have quite a few attempts before he succeeds, and sometimes I guess a child might report something which is suspicious but infact the intent was harmless, such as someone genuinely chatting to them. I could see my FIL chatting aimlessly to children, with no malicious intent but a child might report to parents. He wouldn't see anything wrong, being of a generation when you did chat to people all the time, and having wiped any bad memories of the stresses of parenthood from his memory. He thought we were being totally ott when he got his camera out and was taking random photos in a playground.

I tell mine to either go to a shop worker or to ask a person with children to help them if they are lost. The two older ones are good at staying with me, although dd2 always stands behind me in my blindspot which always makes me flap when I can't see her, and she seems to rotate round with me in a way which must look quite funny if you're not me. I think doing some role play with them might be a good idea though.

The sad thing is, even "sensible" children can be foxed so easily by grown ups, and also just do really dumb things.

When I was about 8/9/10 I would often be invited into houses in my village to see puppies, have an ice cream, slice of cake etc by the lovely old ladies who populated our village, and I went without a second thought.

I shudder to think of my DS doing the same - I was perfectly safe (probably!) but it was still really stupid, and I would never have gone off with a "stranger", except that I don't suppose anyone knew where I was.

Would it be worth asking MNHQ for a webchat on this topic? There seems to be so much conflicting advice from what we were taught as kids, that it would be useful to get a definitive answer as to how we approach it.

I tell my DC don't go anywhere with anyone.
I also have told them that if they are ever in trouble or feel scared to find a woman with a pram to ask for help.

According to the news report, one girl was approached, got scared and ran off and a boy was actually grabbed. That's really scary.

eyesflight I think the role play situation is a very good idea. I had a talk with my dd about general dangers when out and about alone, she is 6 and she plays out in our culdi sac, checked every 10 mins, she was getting a bit upitty because I would not let her go out of the culi sac closer to the main road as another child who is same age is allwed to.

She had every answer covered, from strangers, to the road to being hurt and too far away. So I said OK lets play a game, as she was saying I will punch and kick a stranger and get them away. So I made it fun and showed her just how strong a grown up can be. by just holding her with one hand and moving her on to the sofa. I think it did make her realise without scaring her, as obvioulsy I didnt use any rteal force, but then explained that a nwasty grown up would be so much stroner than me.

I think my dd has been aware of the dangers of some "unkind" grown ups that she could get "lost" or hurt and unable to get help. we where traveling last year and she seen a few posters of the same missing girl and she asked me alot about it, so I explained that the little girl could have run into lots of dangers, but no one really klnows what happened and so she often mentions this when she wants to extend bounderies when playing out and I do not let her. So a gradual awareness and presence of all sorts of dangers, including not going into house in the neighbourhood, to not going anywhere with anyone even if they are known, without my concent, for many reasons 1) being I may worry if I cant find her. 2) although you know someone a little bit or reasonably well they may not always be as kind as mum or dad and may not treat you well or they may even hurt you.