Things I can cross off from my pre-children "Things I would never do as a parent" list

[BellaBearisWideAwake]

1. Dress my children in branded clothing

(with a big shout out to H&M for selling clothes with Lightning McQueen, thank you)

Take them to McDonalds

1. Eat ketchup with everything.

Stick them in front of the tv to get some peace.

say

'don't talk to me in that tone of voice'
' don't slam the door'
'because I said so!!!!!!!!' in a very exasperated voice
'ask daddy'

though I am proud to say I have never wiped their faces with a licked tissue

Say very loudly "Go to your room!"

Allow childrens tv

Allow him to eat chocolate

Use the phrase "Because I said so!"

Needanewname beat me to it, damn!

...and I've licked a tissue to wipe their faces. Double fail.

Have all those bloody toys in the living room

All of the above.x

Watch tv
Eat chocolate/crisps/any other junk
Sleep in my bed
Give in to whinging for magazine/toy/other while traipsing round the supermarket
Not follow through with a threat of discipline
Buy shoes for a child who cannot walk (they look cute!)
Oh dear, this list is rather lengthy . . .

Push an empty buggy around a shopping centre - well not empty - no child in it, but lots of shopping hanging off the back.

Do you really think you're going out dressed like that?

What time of night do you call this to come home?

Is this a fucking hotel?

Am I a taxi service?

Oh, forgot give a toddler a bit of bread to eat in the supermarket trolley

"I want never gets."

Nutella straight from the pot with a teaspoon.

Oh yes, "DS do you want a chocolate sandwich?"

give them chocolate and quavers because it's the only thing they'll actually eat

Allow plastic tat toys especially ones that make noise.
And most of the above

Dummies.
Toys all over the garden.
Kids coming into our bed at night.
Using bribery.

'Eyes bigger than tummy'
'Do you know how much that cost?'
'Because I said so and this is my house so my rules go'
'Stop jumping on the furniture'
'Just taste it... you can't decide you don't like it based on how it looks' (doubly as I was the pickiest eater alive as a child and regularly decided something was horrible based on how it looked)

Have also wiped faces with spit on tissues, and most of the others above.

My childhood self would hate me!

Oh yes, and "I will reason with my tantrumming toddler"

Bribery