Is it better to stay at home with the kids?

[boredsenseless]

I ask as I'd always believed it is better for your kids for their mum to be at home and THERE for them. But is it better for the MUM? I've been at home for years and I'll tell you, I'm bored stiff. Yes I know loads of other mums, kids have friends etc etc but I'm bored senseless with it all. If I see one more cartoon I'll scream. Now I've no career I'd have to go back part time for about £6 per hour and with 2 lots of childcare I'd be working for nothing, so that's no go. But God it's boring always being here, do feel it's the right thing for my kids but when do I come into it?

When they are all at school. Then you can take time for you, to work or not to work, depending on what's available and what you can afford. Or just to do whatever you want, paid or not.

I stayed at home full time until my youngest was in Y1, which was 9/10 years. I always found things to do to keep me occupied and they didn't always involve things for the children. It can be hard at times, but I do feel it was best for my children. In fact, even now, if I'm working and one of the boys wants me to do something/wants to stay home because they feel a bit "off", they really resent the fact that I am not there. Imagine how they would have felt if I'd worked when they weren't at school?

Each to their own and all that, but staying at home full time during their formative years was definitely the right decision for me and my children. I can put up with boredom if I know my children are getting the best I can offer.

Thankfully I have only just begun to realise how utterly boring SAHMness is now my last baby has trotted off to school. Dont know HOW I stayed at home for som emany years watching bloody teletubbies. However. Glad I did.
If you are getting resentful and bored and fed up you may be better off getting a part time job than being ratty with them because your not happy.
How olds your youngest?

There is no right and wrong answer to this question. You have to decide what is best for you, your children and your circumstances. No matter what you choose there will be those who agree and those who don't, and the associated guilt trips/good points.

I chose to work PT after having DD. This has worked best for me and DD. She had benefited greatly by me being there part of the time, by havig a day with grandparent's full attention, and also benefited by going to nursery 2 days a week.

I am fortunate to have been able to have that choice through a career where flexible working is easily possible and having a DH who earns enough for me to drop my hours.

I persoanlly wouldn't change the way we dothings. It works for us.

I think it is best if..its right for you all. there is no real benefit for them if you are unhappy. i am a SAHM and love it. but there are plenty who dont. you will probably a better mum to them if you have some quality time with them. Get a part time job..so what if the financial benefits arent great its your sanity that counts. you will enjoy the days you have with the children more. Plus as they get older you can increase your hours if you like and they will go to school so you wont be paying as much in care.
It ok to think of yourself!

"In fact, even now, if I'm working and one of the boys wants me to do something/wants to stay home because they feel a bit "off", they really resent the fact that I am not there. "

One could of course argue that if they'd grown up used to you not always being there, then it wouldn't bother then now

My youngest is 4 so one more year and he'll be at school too.

Am really glad I stayed at home, just had to have a moan about how boring it can be!

'Has this one kicked off yet?' TM applied for

Don't want to start an arguement.

Just ignore me.

And one could argue that, if they'd grown up used to my not always being there, they would quietly resent it on a permanent basis.

there is no need to have one!!
I think you need to do what is best for you!
If working isnt an option is a bit of 'me time' on the cards?

Why not use this last year to set the seeds for the future. Could you take an Adult Ed course with him in a creche or at preschool for example, just to get to out and thinking for yourself again. Research what job opportunites might suit you and what you may need to apply. Do lunch in a cafe with him, meet a friend with child similar age and perhaps alternate playdates to give you each a break. Do enjoy your last year at home with him full time, I'm still sad that dd is already in full time school and we have little exclusive time.

Do your children go to pre school?

only if the kids are out and you have a stack of vids to watch - otherwise than that imvo i cant stick kids specially mi own

ta very much

Custardo, you often make me PMSL but your last post was especially inspired.

I'd go stir crazy if I had to stay at home. I work full time for financial reasons but, even if I didn't have to I'd still work part time. I don't think dd is missing out on anything. She has a great time with the other kids that my mum looks after and I don't think she even notices that I'm not there.

OTOH, I know other mums who wouldn't even consider leaving their kids to go to work.

I love being at work because I get time to myself. When I was still on maternity leave dh left everything for me to do. Now we share the chores and the care of dd. I am much happier and the time I spend with dd is quality time. If I was at home all day every day I'd constantly be wishing I was somewhere else doing something more exciting.

Yes I am having a taste of being a SAHM and it is boring. It would probably be better if I had more company. Work can be really boring too (maybe it's me that's boring) so ain't looking forward t returning. The only thing I liked about work was the social aspect but that ws a lot less when I had DS. I sat in an office all day on my own so I had to work. Life can be boring. Note to self - do something different!!!!

As a Mum who is sometimes up at 2 am finishing laundry and washing/sterilising breastpumps, I would say being an SAHM can be better for the Mum. At least you have half a chance of getting your chores done at a decent hour!

I was a SAHM who followed DH around the world with his job (DD0-20mo); then I was a SAHM who did voluntary work and coffee mornings and DD went into nursery/pre-school (20mo-3.9); then I was a SAHM again (4-4.9).

Then I was a PT working mum, temping at £5.50 an hour, a fraction of my previous salary and no benefits. Then a SAHM with a DD at full-time school - that was pretty boring until she became ill, then it was just a nightmare. Coincided with started antenatal teacher training.

Then a PT working mum who hated being under pressure in traffic, still studying.

Then a PT working mum at school term-time only. Wages still naff but flexibility and term-time hours the key.

Now pretty much a FT working mum who is reaping the benefits of previous years. DD almost 9yo; working PT in school doin admin, PT from home doing sales, shortly to qualify with antenatal teaching and still doing voluntary work. Next year hourly pay will vary between £6 and £20+ per hour depending on which job I'm doing but I like the combination and, more importantly, that my family comes first in all these jobs.

Is it better to stay at home? Maybe. Do you have to stay at home to be a SAHM? Most I know spend very little time in the house and a lot of time fdoing the stuff they would have done at work anyway - going out, meeting people, making networks of friends.

Good bits about being a SAHM - not having to worry about work when they are ill; being at the school gates and being the first to hear their good/bad news; being able to take them to the after-school clubs they want to go to; not having to fit in all the domestic stuff into 1 hour a night.

Why did I go back to work, then?! For the company; the pleasure of a pay cheque; achieving something for me; knowing that if something happened to DH I can support my family; a pension; a life away from the school gates and knowing that my career is continuing. It has been very hard work, though (and I only work 3 days a week!)

I am new to the SAHM business and finding it hard as there don't seem to be many other folk doing it. Everyone else is going back to work.

I've just taken the decision to be an SAHM. I have a PhD, and there's no chance of me returning to work other than FT (or at least 3 days a week). For me, I don't think full-time nursery (or external child care) is appropriate for toddlers, something 2 studies have recently reported as well.

I know I'm doing the best thing for DS. I work very hard at parenting; it's not a case of CBeebies, Trisha and junk food in our house (smug alert!!! ). However, the lack of adult interaction and intellectual stimulation is a hard pill to swallow. What is the worst though is other peoples' perceptions of what I do all day

Financially it's hard/different, compared to the way we used to live. But that isn't so bad.

Can't wait until DS goes to school though and I can think about a proper PT job.

I love being a SAHM, but I can see both sides.But as you say its other people views on SAHP that gets me. Some one just said 'achieving something for me' well arent we all doing that bringing up children?
Glad tosee this hasnt turned in to the usual battle

Im best of both worlds and work part time, as little hours as we can afford.
At first it was very hard leaving my boy but its fine now.
I have worked very hard in my job for many years and always done above and beyond what was asked of me. Always willing to do overtime and fill in for those off sick, worked around people with kids to help out and it was difficult reducing that and accepting that i just couldnt do it any more.
What was more shocking to me was the fact that suddenly i simply didnt want to be doing it, i didnt want to be there and that is huge for me as i loved my job.
I feel it is vital that i am there for my son for many many reasons, too many to drone on about here. I just follow my gut instinct and have done what is best for us. IYSWIM.

I don't think I could do SAHM for years. It's just not for me. I am a student now so SAHM part time and part-time student (at home for first 18 months). I like the part time thing! I think I will find it difficult once I get my degree and will be working full time but at least dd will be in school then.

I also don't believe your kids will resent your choice. I think kids are very adaptable and are just used to whatever lifestyle they are given, whether is be SAHPs or working parents.

I can't even remember my early years and although both parents worked in later years they were always there for me.

I used to work 7.30-3.30 mon-fri. collected boys at 4 then collected dh at 5, home dinner boys bathed in bed by 7 - maybe after i have screamed and shouted as i was sooo bloody stressed. Then dh and i would do dishes floors ironing etc and maybe fall into bed about 10.30 if we were lucky.

My boys are 4 and 21 month twins.

WHAT KIND OF LIFE WAS THIS FOR THEM- STRESSED OUT MUMMY WHO DOES NOTHING BUT SCREAM, SHOUT, SWEAR?

REALITY CHECK!!!!!!!!!

I have now changed my shift to 5-10 mon fri evenings, I have my boys with me all day which is fab- yes i do sometimes get stressed but now i walk away come back after a few moments to happy boys. Evenings now is "mum" time for adult converstaion and a bit of dosh in my pocket while dh has dinner with the boys, baths them and settles them to bed.

Moral of my story is i believe my sons have came on much better since I was at home and things became more settled for them