Is it better to stay at home with the kids?

[boredsenseless]

I ask as I'd always believed it is better for your kids for their mum to be at home and THERE for them. But is it better for the MUM? I've been at home for years and I'll tell you, I'm bored stiff. Yes I know loads of other mums, kids have friends etc etc but I'm bored senseless with it all. If I see one more cartoon I'll scream. Now I've no career I'd have to go back part time for about £6 per hour and with 2 lots of childcare I'd be working for nothing, so that's no go. But God it's boring always being here, do feel it's the right thing for my kids but when do I come into it?

Thanks for all replies, they are all valid.

What we all have in common is that we're all doing the best for our own kids and that's all that matters.

I have been a sahm for 14 years. There are times when the boredom kills me but on the whole I can honestly say that I am so glad I have been there for my kids. This has suited me and suited my brood, but I appreciate this would not suit everyone and I'm not sure how I could fit everything in if I went out to work even part time.

I do have to make sure I get out of the house with the little ones though otherwise I would go stir crazy. And I make sure I have time for myself for playing sport etc. You need to get the balance right I feel.

I feel like at the moment I've got the worst of all worlds, as I work pt from home. So I get all the isolation of being a SAHM without the free time when the kids are at school/ nursery. I still have to do my work, so I don't get "me" time, whatever that is.

OTOH in holidays and when they or I am sick, I know I've also got the best of all worlds.

Swings and roundabouts!

I don't get bored when I'm doing my stuff at home (like laundry etc.) because then i'm thinking what I want or listening to music or something interesting on the radio or whatever, but I get bored rigid by my paid job!

Isn't it true also that whatever you've got/do, you always hanker after the "other"? Grass is greener and all that?

QE - definitely! I think I might be suffering GIG syndrome at the mo.

Am trying to make freelancing/contracts work out. Used to long for this scenario, but missing having work colleagues to gossip and talk about frocks with!

Frequently wish had gone back to work full time (was only option). Think I would be a better mother!

io also work from home. My 'colleagues' are here! And how lucky I am to 'work' with such an interesting, varied bunch of people.

QE - I'd totally forgotton about the 'grass is greener' sundrome!!

syndrome that should be

There is no right or worng answer. I work part time, and whilst it is very time demnading, I do think my DD (aged 2) enjoys her life. I work mornings, two of which she spends with her nan. They do lots of special things together, like going to the shops to have breakfast, feeding ducks etc. stuff I don't always have the time for. Three mornings she goes to nursery. She loves that and is always doing one activity or another! I then get every afternoon to spend with her. Usually we go to a club, meet friends or just stay at home and play. I make sure I do no housework during this time, it is time we have together. I think DD gets a lot of of this. She loves spending time with her nanny, and she enjoys going to nursery (has even been known to ask to go at the weekend!) but I still get to spend at least 6 hours a day with her, every day. It is a compromise that works for me. The downside is that I have to work very hard in the evenings, and am often quite tired... but I think it is worth the sacrifice!

Rarrie, sounds like it works out well - do you feel like work is going in the right direction too? Or is it something you just do for the money?

Didn't mean to sound so negative in last mail. DS is now 13 months and had to make the work decision when he was only 9 months - it was way too soon then for me to consider going back full-time.

DS seems really very happy, has two full days at a lovely nursery whilst I work. He knows when he is going as daddy drops him off and he is always v keen - gets his shoes and waves bye-bye in order to get us to hurry up and get him there.

So I am beginning to think a bit more work would be a better balance for me and wouldn't do DS any harm. Or our bank balance. Am also training to be a reflexologist as potentially quite a flexible way to earn a living.

I completely sympathise boredsenseless. Have you thought about setting upi your own business or something perhaps.

Oh dear bit of an outpuring, sorry

oh how i wish people like highlander (not having a go at you highlander, just sighed when i saw what you'd said) could see just how wonderful daycare (in my case) can be..and how as a p/t worker outside the home i'm a much nicer (and better) sahm mum on the days I'm at home.

generalisations about childcare provision (including those recent reports) and women saying they're bored senseless (and still insisting on doing it - what kind of message does that send to their children? or themselves/partners???) really don't help women (because it's usually women who are the main carers) to live fulfilled lives and bring up a family. sigh.

(sorry, rant over)

But surely this is a forum for discussion and support?

If somebody's bored senseless sometimes why shouldn't they say so here? Because there probably aren't many other places that you can say it, after all.

Staying at home with the kids is boring sometimes. I know it is cos I asked dp. He has days whe hes bored senseless. Do I feel sorry for him??? mmmmmmmmm no cos I get up at 7 to cycle to work while hes still in bed. grrrrrr
Every job has its merits

Disagree that its best for MUM to be at home with the kids tho. WHY NOT DAD????? (repeating myself for the millionth time here).

My 1st dd is nearly 12 and baby 4 is 1 and I haven't yet worked out a solution. I'm on both sides of the fence, if that's aloud.. and I know I'm lucky that my decision doesn't need to be for financial reasons.
I'm now doing yet another postgrad course (I do use them all I promise plus I pay for them myself). Dh is abroad and I get bored senseless. We live in a cultural backwater - officially. The 2% most culturally deprived in the country according to Ofsted. I find myself toddling 60 miles to London just to see a few pictures. I'd be much better off working. Plus I love working. There are also no half decent parks within 10 miles of our house. Would love to be a working mum near London right now.

As in allowed of course - must preview my messages

My DP almost got to be a SAHD. He had been made redundant before dd was born and it was looking like he would not get a job before my Mat leavve finished. He got a Job eventually on the very fay my paid Mat leave finished and is sooooo grateful as he really didn't want to be a SAHD. I'm not sure how I would have felt.

I have been the main breadwinner a couple of times and it is a real worry which is one of the reasons why I will be returning to work. I think it's an awful stress to put on one person. I also like to think I can support my family if anything were to happen to our relationship. I don't expect it to but you never know.

The worst thing about being a working Mom is that we tend to end up doing the lion's share of the housework and kids stuff which is why I will be going back part time.

bundle, don't really get your post. I'm not here to help women or send out messages, I'm letting off steam anonomously instead of moaning at my kids or dh. Being at home is boring and it can also be wonderful. Don't see anything wrong with saying that.

And of course that should say being at home for the mum or dad, should have had the sense to say that in my original post. So apologies there.

Being at home is sometimes boring as is being at work. I think we all know the difference between being bored sometimes and feeling genuinly bored and unhappy with our lives. If someone is bored stiff, then I dont think it's the right thing for your children or Dh either to be honest. Sometimes we really don't have a choice, but going out to work PT for example doesn't mean giving up on your children or never being there for them. I work full time flexi and because both me and DH work flexi my children have time with their parents 6 hours a day. The rest is spent in great school/nursery. Someone mentioned that their children got resentful if you were not around even if a bit older? I think one of the great things about me not being there 24/7 and doing everything for my family is that we are now a great team. My children can see how we all need to pull together to do our share in the family. They can cook and my DD who is 7 cleans and irons her own school uniform. And none of us spend or time watching cartoons when we are together

Yes but I'm bored when I do my job. If I could be at home without having to do paid work, I wouldn't be bored. But I can't afford not to do it. If I could, I would - I find myself doing the ironing instead, "because I really must prioritise it".

The day I prioritise ironing is the day I am very bored! Hmm, maybe I do need a new job after all...

staying at home with the kids is just rubbish.

lol
i always lol that mums who work think mums at home do craft all day

glad you're happy with your daycare bundle. Not entirely sure how I can be happy with it just because you are.

For me, as one wise MNer pointed out, there are some very good nurseries out there. But at the end of the day, there is now way they can replicate the sort of care and attention that only a mother can give. As a mum, you invest so much more in a child, simply because they are yours. Even when they're being a little monkey.

People often say to me... 'but wouldn't you rather do somehting for yourself?' Well, yes. But that's not what being a parent is about. Life isn't about me anymore (unfortunately )